'AITA for making my bridesmaid wear a dress that makes her look 'fat'?'

"AITA for making my bridesmaid wear a dress that makes her look 'fat'?"

I (26F) have always loved the aesthetics of the regency era, and I wanted to incorporate it in my wedding. So I decided that my bridesmaids will wear empire waist dresses, like the ones seen in Bridgerton or Pride and Prejudice.

Nearly all of my bridesmaids love this idea. However, one of my bridesmaids (27F) is very mad at me for insisting that they wear empire waist dresses. She claims that the dress looks unflattering on her due to her body proportions.

She has broad shoulders, a large chest, large arms, a small waist, and thin legs. She claims that due to the high waistline and her large chest, her waist appears much larger than it actually is.

She also says that that type of dress emphasises her thick arms. She told me that those dresses made her look fat and triggered her past body dysmorphia and insecurities.

She asked me if she could modify her dress to define her figure, but I said all the bridesmaids had to wear the same dress and I didn’t want her to stand out.

She said I was being selfish and that I wasn’t taking into account other people’s body types. I said she was acting extremely entitled, this is just her mental illness, it’s my wedding and I shouldn’t have to cater to her insecurities. AITA?

oliveamro writes:

I'm on the fence here. On the one hand, wearing bridesmaid dresses we find ugly and un-flattering is a time-honored tradition and (at least the last time I was a bridesmaid, ages ago) was sort of expected.

When my BFF got married she picked something that didn't suit my body type at all, and even after buying two sizes up and tailoring it back down, it only semi-kinda fit (I had to tuck part of my tits into the band that was supposed to be beneath my bust).

And I paid $350 for the privilege ($250 for the dress and $100 for the tailoring). I had lost a not-insignificant amount of wait between initial fitting and receiving the dress, too. It was crazy.)

But it's hard to rule without more INFO: Who's paying for the dress, and who would pay for the modifications? What changes does she want?

Like, she wants to add some fabric to the chest and lower the empire waist a bit so her breasts actually fit, then yeah, absolutely f'%$##g let her do that, ESPECIALLY if she's paying for the dress.

(But even if you're paying, TRUST ME, there's a good chance you'll wish you'd let her, even if the dress looks slightly different as a result. That dress I mentioned in the first paragraph?

One of the other bridesmaids was also busty and she didn't have the dress tailored, and she almost fell out of the damn thing during the reception when she was dancing.) I think it would be fair for her to pay for the tailoring, even if you're paying for the base dress.

If she wants to add sleeves, lose the waistline entirely, stuff that makes it basically a completely different dress - at that point, I would get it if you say no and that you understand if she would prefer to be a guest rather than a bridesmaid.

But be ready for the possibility that she'll still be offended and upset, because on some level you're telling her that wearing the dress you want the way you want her to is more important than her standing for you at her wedding.

5centabae writes:

i’m sorta thinking YTA. No ones looking at your bridesmaids and thinking “omg one’s wearing a slightly different dress”… they’ll be looking at you lol. i’d rather my friend (who i care about and love) be comfortable and happy during one the best days of my life.

just work with her to find a modification/style that works with the other bridesmaids dresses and then put her in the middle of the line up next to you for photos/altar. it’ll look really nice imo, especially if you keep it in the same fabric or color and just add sleeves or a corset or whatever she wants. pick your battles girl, and keep ur friends close!!

nepox7 writes:

Wellll, NAH. All your other bridesmaids are into it. Empire waist dresses are definitely unflattering on a lot of people. It sounds like your exchange got a little heated, though - once you're telling someone "you're acting entitled, it's my wedding so suck it up" you may be past salvaging things.

It might be worth googling and maybe talking to a seamstress online to see if there are tricks to make an empire waist dress more flattering, while keeping the silhouette. Sometimes minor adjustments have surprising results.

Is there some other special role she could have that's not "bridesmaid" and wouldn't be up front in a bridesmaid dress? Would she be interested in still participating in the bachelorette and stuff but not being a bridesmaid? You want to show that you care about her and want to include her.

I said she was acting extremely entitled, it’s my wedding and I shouldn’t have to cater to her insecurities.

rb9 writes:

YTA. You don't have to "cater" to her, but considering that a bridesmaid is supposed to be a friend you could be a little more understanding. Sounds like she just spoke to you about her feelings and asked if there was any compromise.

If the exact dress style is the most important thing to you, then give her the option of stepping down from the bridal party (without any further hostility about it).

aghai writes:

NTA. If she doesn't want to wear the dress, then she can choose not to be in the bridal party.

No big deal - no hard feelings on other side. If for some reason you want to include her in the bachelorette party, then why not? No hard and fast rule that everyone must be in the bridal party to attend.

Honestly it is a rite of passage to wear ugly unflattering dresses that you will never wear again. And - at least in the USA - it is typical for the bridesmaids to pay for the dresses. The assumption is that the dresses will be relatively inexpensive.

parlay writes:

NTA empire line dresses work on everyone. With your description of her body size she wouldn’t look any thinner by taking in the waistline, her chest and shoulder proportions would not change. If you’re a bridesmaid it’s a requirement to wear what the bride wants regardless, tell her to suck it up.

Her former body dysmorphia being triggered is a tactic to get her own way, if it triggered her I’m sure she would have been more extreme in not wanting that dress and frankly with that history she should not have volunteered as a bridesmaid.

faaop writes:

Your wedding, your choice. HOWEVER, it is also to be noted that people invited to be in your wedding, especially if they’re part of the entourage, are also spending money...

time and effort to be in your wedding with NOTHING to gain aside from the desire to support the couple, so it’s also appropriate for the bride and groom to make the best effort to make the day as comfortable and happy for the guests and entourage (esp the entourage tbh).

Personally, if I were her I wouldn’t be able to celebrate properly if I’m too conscious abt what I’m wearing the whole night and if I’m the bride, just knowing that one of my guests that I chose to celebrate such an important day can’t celebrate my wedding properly because they feel insecure would not feel nice but that’s just me.

Anyways, you could alter her dress to be like Penelope’s dresses from when she changed her wardrobe or had her “glow up” as it’s still appropriate for your wedding without standing out.

areseqni writes:

I'm leaning NAH or e/s/h...

On one hand, I am a firm believer that a wedding is a perfectly acceptable time to be "selfish", and even then I don't like calling it selfish. You (or your spouse or your family) are presumably paying for it. It's a party and celebration for you and your spouse.

It's literally a day about you two and your union so it makes sense you'll call the shots and have the focus be on what you want. My sister let her bridesmaids pick out their own dress styles, but she all wanted them to be the same color.

That color happened to be an extremely unflattering one for me and I did not like it at all. But I didn't say anything because it's not my wedding, it's not about me, and it made her happy. Getting stuck with an dress you don't like is just part of being a bridesmaid sometimes.

On the other hand, bridesmaid dresses are expensive. If your friend is paying for her own dress, I'd also be a little miffed if I had to drop a few hundred on a dress that I think is hideous.

It's bad enough it's a dress that I'll most likely only wear once -- if it's something I hate, then I'm even less likely to try to repurpose it or wear it again. It also just makes people feel good when their concerns are heard and it feels like their opinions matter.

And no offence.... but very few people can pull off an empire waist. That's pretty subjective but some of those bridgerton ladies looked like they were about to pop out of their bodice if they moved the wrong way. Which is cool for bridgerton, but your friends at your wedding? Eh...

I don't like the fact that your friend is being pushy and demanding you change something about your wedding. I also don't like that you want to go ahead with a dress that you know your friend hates and expressed concerns about. Part of being a good friend is about compromise.

Honestly, since it's your wedding, I'm leaning more towards her compromising towards what you want. But at the same time, I feel like if I knew someone I cared about had really, REALLY strong feelings about something, I'd at least toy with the idea of trying something else.