Bride refuses to change her wedding date for fiancé's best friend. AITA? 'She'll be on vacation.'

"AITA for not changing the date of my wedding to accommodate my fiancé's best friend?"

I (29F) and my fiancé (31M) have known each other for 10 years, dated for 2, and recently got engaged. We both decided we don't want to wait long, as we are both eager to buy a home/begin married life, so we picked a date 3 months from now that worked best for us.

The date had to be very strategic, as I work in healthcare where vacation time is VERY limited, with most vacations being applied for months in advance. So we picked the only week that was available (Where I didn’t happen to have my period - what a way to spend the honeymoon!).

We found a venue that we loved that had a date available on such short notice. We put down a deposit and sent out invitations. Shortly after, my fiancé's best friend (35F) called upset, saying she and her husband will be away on vacation until the day after the wedding. She wants us to change the date that they will be able to attend. So here's WIMBTA.

I absolutely do not want to change the date of my wedding. The date/venue/location are all perfect, and fit wonderfully into the ONLY vacation week available to me. Instead I suggested they end their trip a day early, so they would be able to attend. I feel as though changing flight plans (they are vacationing domestically) would be easier/less expensive than losing a deposit, plus us re-planning.

She refuses, and is claiming that I chose the date of the wedding specifically so that they could not attend, since she and I had a bit of bad blood at the start of my relationship with my fiancé. To clarify, this is 1,000% NOT the case. Of course I would want her to be there, as she is a very important person to my future husband.

Her friends are now saying ITA, whereas my friends say it is an unfortunate circumstance, but that it would be easier for her to change the flight than it would be for us to change the date. My fiancé agrees and wants to keep the date. To clarify a bit about their friendship, they have been friends from a young age, and have a big sister/little brother relationship.

She has been happily married for 10+ years, and I have never suspected any type of romantic inklings between her and my fiancé in the decade that I’ve known them. When we first started dating, I did ask as that they not spend time alone and I kinda always thought it was weird, but since we weren't dating, it wasn't really my problem.

When we began dating, I brought it up and My fiancé agreed, since he enjoyed hanging out in group settings and wanted to respect my boundaries. She did not like it one bit, and called me controlling and insecure. Call me conservative or whatever, but I don't see how it made any sense when I could just join them?

It got a little nasty for a bit, but we have since worked it out and she and I are back on good terms, though I can't say whether or not that popped up in the back of my head when she started accusing me of planning this date on purpose. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

pickledpinkk said:

NTA. She’s allowed to think what she may think about your motivations, but you and everyone else with a rational brain will know that’s not the case. You will also be correct in your rationale that rescheduling a return trip one day earlier is significantly less burdensome than rescheduling a wedding. Pay them no mind and continue planning for your exciting day!

Dingo8MyBabyMon said:

NTA. She thinks her vacation is so important that it can't be changed but her "best friend's" wedding can be willy-nillyed? Hopefully, your boyfriend sees how little this woman actually cares for you two and dumps her as a friend.

Traditional-Bag-4508 said:

NTA. However, your fiancé needs to speak up to his BF and the others calling YOU out. They are his & BF circle of friends, not your problem. He needs to be CLEAR this is a decision you have both made. The fact she's accusing you of picking this date because you "knew" they were on vacation is ludicrous.

sandytoesinmycrocs said:

NTA. it's your wedding, end of discussion.

jennic1985 said:

Nta, situations like this always blow me away. In what world would any normal person demand someone else move their wedding date for their own convenience?!

This is your wedding date, they have advanced notice, if they want to be there they can adjust. If you’re looking to try to keep the peace maybe offer to have a private celebration dinner with just the four of you. Otherwise tell her to go fly a kite.

Potential_Ad_1397 said:

NTA it is your and your fiance day. You two are the only voices that matter. It has to be what works for you. But I will note 3 months will make it hard for people who have to travel. And I will note I am not a fan of how you tried to end their friendship. I can see why she had an issue with you.