Bride refuses to give 'pick-me girl' sister a plus-one to her wedding, 'she will only date rich men.' AITA?
"AITA for not giving my sister a plus-one to my wedding?"
I (25F) am a Winter 2024 bride, and am marrying the absolute love of my life. My sister and I have always had a great/interesting relationship. Most sisters would know, one day you start fighting because she wore your clothes, and the next day you’re having Dunkin' together, typically sisterly things.
Well my sister has always been to put it frankly a pick me girl. She has no friends that are women because and she says “she sees them as competition” and she likes to be friends with boys. She will only date rich men, and refuses to settle for less (a little bit to that later).
My sister has not had a relationship last longer than 2 months, and she always has a new guy on her shoulder. My mother and Fiancé were recently talking about this before I sent out my invitations.
I had mentioned since our venue was on smaller side, we didn’t want strangers in our wedding, nor did we want them in our wedding photos. My mom had made a comment about how anyone my sister would bring would be a fling, since she currently was not in a relationship.
When we went home that night, I brought it up to my Fiancé (we’ll call him Bertram). I told Bertram that I really did not want a complete stranger in my wedding pictures, and certainly not someone my sister would only have been dating a few weeks, maybe a month.
Well just this past week Bertram and I sent out our wedding invitations, and they read “We have reserved __ seat(s) in your name.” So for example for my Fiancé’s family his reads, “We have reserved 4 seat(s) in your name.” When my sister received her invitation, hers read “We have reserved 1 seat(s) in your name." And boy was she upset.
She called me and told me that it was not fair that she could not bring a plus-one. I mentioned to her that she didn’t have the best track record with men, and that Bertram and I really didn’t want some random person nobody would talk about in our wedding pictures.
She said that I was selfish, and that since our wedding was towards the end of December (the 29th) she had 6 months to find a boyfriend, and that it would be a serious relationship.
Now here I might’ve gotten mean, but I told her I would seriously doubt if she found anyone, given her track record for the absolutely worse men alive. (As I mentioned before rich men, who think buying gifts will excuse cheating, and lying).
She got upset, hung up, and said she will be attending my wedding with a boyfriend of 4 plus months because she will find one. AITA for not giving her a plus one? And would I be an ahole for considering to uninvite her all together?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NotCreativeAtAll16 said:
NTA. For the last time, for everyone in the back, you don't have to invite anyone to your wedding just because someone expects it. Just like people are free to take that invitation and respond to it how they see fit.
growsonwalls said:
Gonna go against the grain and say YTA. You come across as very judgy and contemptuous of your sister, and I bet that tone was apparent when you explained to her the rule. You might win the battle but if you value your sister at all you need to find more respectful, empathetic ways of communicating with her.
whatsername235 said:
Oh, god YTA. Just the way you wrote this...Close family always get a plus one, even if it's a friend so they're comfortable and happy. Unless you have about twenty guests, your sister gets a guest. Your writing of this is seriously judgemental. It's not cute or fun. Actually, don't invite her at all, the whole thing sounds insufferable.
Jyqm said:
NTA. There is never any obligation to offer single people a +1 to a wedding. (But I certainly hope this is a blanket policy you applied across the board rather than singling out your sister.)
Schezzi said:
YTA. New boyfriends don't need to be in official wedding photos. If everyone else gets a plus one, you are discriminating against your sister because you don't like her lifestyle. Being single at a wedding where everyone else is paired up is a crappy way to treat a guest.
Unless this is a tiny intimate family wedding, what's one more guest to ensure your sister isn't left making awkward explanations about why she is attending the wedding alone and why her sister is successfully in a relationship and she isn't.
Your wedding. Can be totally about you if you're determined. But if you do love your sister, is this really worth damaging the relationship over?
flaming_crisis said:
YTA Think about how much you'll actually be impacted by having a "stranger" at your wedding versus how much it'll impact your sister having to go alone. Assuming everyone else has a plus one and she's the only one you're leaving out, she's probably gonna feel really excluded...
She won't be able to dance because she won't have a partner, she's gonna be stuck bouncing between other couples all night feeling like she doesn't belong. She'll probably feel embarrassed that she's the only one who's alone, and she won't have a good time.
Meanwhile, if you let her bring a plus one and just let her know that you don't want him in the family pictures, you'll probably be impacted by his presence exactly 0%.
Unless you seriously just want to burn your relationship with your sister to the ground, let her have a plus one, it'll be easier for everyone than dying on this molehill.
Mooshu1981 said:
NTA. Wedding photographer here. I can absolutely say random strangers do end up in photos in the most weird places. I had one where he was dating the sister of the groom. And the couple first dance due to where they sat him he was in every single photo sticking out as he had a red shirt on.
They apparently broke up right after and the bride and groom asked to have me photoshop him out which I said was not part of the package and too time consuming. So you have every right to have no randoms at your wedding. If you’re not in a committed relationship of at least a year. I would make that cut off with all your guests.