Bride refuses to lose weight for the wedding, 'this new body is unlike my past self.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to lose weight for my wedding?"
I am tall, leanish but do have some chub on my stomach and hips. I’m normally around a size 4L in jeans. Lately I showed my fiancé a picture of a wedding dress I tried on but didn’t get, and mentioned it highlighted my midsection that showed some fluff on my belly and hips.
I told him maybe it could work with some shape wear bc otherwise the gown was stunning. He said “well no worries you could lose that in a month." …What if I’m happy with the way I am?? I used to be thinner. About 118 @ max. This new body is unlike my past self but I am on SSRIs, and it’s made my appetite 10x stronger, hence the weight gain.
I now have a 29-30” waist (my torso is little so any weight is super obvious) 38” hip and 34 bust. So like not crazy measurements in any way. I kinda like my new little tummy though lol it makes me feel like a woman. I was skinny all my life.
He wants me to eat healthier, eat less calories, and exercise. I have a desk job so he claims he’s worried about me being too stagnant and becoming unhealthy. Idk. Can’t help but shake the fact he just wants me to be skinny again for his own pleasure. Which makes me SUPER reluctant to give in, bc, hello, feminism.
I have been walking to work but lately it’s gotten too hot to walk in my work clothes and so I wanted to drive. He thought it was “bewildering” how I can never be happy and how I complain about everything , blah blah blah “it’s beautiful out!” Sure. I just don’t want to get to work all sweaty lol.
Anyway. I’m unsure what to do here. He just wants me to be skinny and work out and eat grilled chicken and I just don’t want to. Now I’m not even sure if I should marry him bc I think maybe I’ll never be good enough. What happens when I’m pregnant and gain 30lb? Will he force me to diet????
Idk. Just tired of the whole “I’m looking out for you!!! Just want the best for ya!” Meanwhile I’ve never made a comment about when he was fat and if it bothered me or whatever. Just want him to love me for me and not the shape and size he wants me to be. AITA for not wanting to lose weight or be “more healthy?"
Here's what people had to say about this one:
shyfidelity said:
Now I’m not even sure if I should marry him. Good, because you shouldn't.
Mistress_Anissa said:
NTA, but I'd rethink this relationship. You're not fat or overweight or whatever by any means yet he responds with something like that? Nope, thanks. I'd get a conversation about it if it was about your health but not about healthy levels of fat in a woman!
JustAHookerAtHeart said:
NTA! You have “fluff” on your belly and hips because you’re a WOMAN! You’re supposed to have those parts, they’re key to survival. (Ask any Neanderthal). Size 4? Girl my thighs are bigger than you.
Do not marry a man who body shames you, please! If you are comfortable in your own skin go find a man who is comfortable in his and go be comfortable together. You know what’s sadder than breaking an engagement? Going thru with a wedding and being married to someone who is not really looking out for you.
VastNeck3548 said:
NTA, you seriously shouldn't marry him to be honest. It's either a case of misery loves company or he doesn't like your appearance for whatever reason because what it sounds like, your body is beautiful. But either way ur NTA, he's a dbag honestly.
PezGirl-5 said:
NTA - and I would be reconsidering this wedding. You are a fine weight for your height - actually on the low end of what 'they" say is good (and I think that "they" are way off most of the time!). The only weight you need to loose is HIM.
Legitimate-Donut-631 said:
NTA. Your description makes you sound at a very healthy weight leading me to believe he’s just nit-picking your looks. Don’t marry him and find someone who loves you at any size because weight can and will fluctuate over time and I personally wouldn’t marry someone I’d be afraid might make some weight gain a huge deal.
El_Culero_Magnifico said:
He wants YOU to be more healthy? When he is on a constant weight loss/gain roller coaster and binge eats fast food….Find someone who loves you the way you are, not the way he wants you to be. He has his own shit to work out...NTA.