'AITA for refusing to move my wedding date after my brother said he can't make it?'
"AITA for refusing to move my wedding date after my brother said he can't make it?"
So, I (28F) am getting married in two months. My fiancé (29M) and I have been planning this wedding for over a year. We picked the venue, sent out save-the-dates last year, and everyone has known about the date for ages.
Like, we’re all in. The venue is booked, caterers, flowers, photographer... basically everything is set, and deposits have been paid. At this point, we're just counting down the days, excited to get married and celebrate with everyone.
Enter my younger brother (25M). He just got into this super competitive internship program that he’s been wanting for a while, and he’s over the moon about it. I’m genuinely happy for him because I know this is a big deal for his career. The problem is, he found out the start date is the same week as my wedding, and he told me he can’t come anymore.
Obviously, I was disappointed, but I assumed he'd be a little bummed too and we'd move on. Instead, he asked me if I'd consider changing the wedding date. At first, I thought he was joking, but nope—dead serious. He’s all, "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I really don’t want to miss your wedding, but I can’t be in two places at once."
I told him there’s literally no way I’m changing the date. We’re two months out. Everything is booked, invites have been sent, guests have RSVP’d, and people have already planned time off and booked hotels.
Not to mention, moving a wedding isn’t as simple as just picking another day, especially at this point. There's a whole cascade of other stuff I'd have to move, and that’s IF the venue even has another open date anytime soon.
He got annoyed and basically said, "So you care more about a party than your brother’s future?" Which really pissed me off. Like, come on. It’s not like I didn’t give everyone—including him—a huge heads-up about this date.
He’s known for over a year. I get that the internship is important, but it’s not like he couldn't have communicated with them and tried to work something out, right? Now, my mom is all over me about it, saying that I’ll regret not having him there and that I’m being selfish by not even considering changing the date.
She’s implying that family is more important than one day, but I feel like... this is the one day that’s actually about me and my fiancé, and I don’t think it’s fair to be expected to turn my life upside down to accommodate his work. My dad is staying out of it (classic) but I can tell he thinks I’m being a bit unreasonable too.
Fiancé is backing me up, but I can tell he feels weird about the whole thing. He’s a big family guy and doesn't want any drama, but he also knows how much we’ve already put into this wedding.
I don’t want to sound like I don’t care about my brother, because I do. I love him, and I hate that he won’t be there, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask someone to change their wedding date this close.
It’s not like we’re talking about a birthday party or something. This is a whole-a#$ wedding. So yeah... AITA for refusing to change the date and basically telling him if he can’t come, that’s on him? Or should I be more flexible here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
calacmack said:
Your brother and your family's opinions are absurd. NTA.
Vegetable_Movie_7190 said:
NTA. There are two solutions: he asks for the day because I am pretty sure they would allow it. OR he attends via Zoom. There is no other option other than he misses the wedding, and that will be on him, not you.
GothicChica said:
NTA. Your wedding is not just a "party," it's a significant event that takes months of planning and preparation. Your brother had over a year to figure out his schedule and unfortunately, it didn't align with your wedding date.
It's understandable that he's upset, but asking you to change the date two months before is not reasonable. He should have communicated with his internship and tried to work out a solution. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for sticking to your original plans. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
DuePromotion287 said:
NTA- your brother is a self centered fool. It is not simple to move a wedding and it costs a lot of $$$ to do so. The responsibility of making it there falls on your bro.
Miss_Hottiee said:
NTA. Your wedding, your day, your decision. Plus, who wants to remember their wedding day as the date they rescheduled for their brother's internship? That's not exactly a romantic and memorable story. Stick to your plan and let your brother figure out his priorities.
mermaidmom4 said:
NTA. Moving the date would mean you & all your traveling guests would be out thousands of dollars, most of which, if not all, is non refundable. Is baby bro going to cough up all that money? Why is his potential job opportunity more important than your marriage? His poor planning/application isn’t your problem.
Sea-Ad9057 said:
NTA. Tell your family you wll change the dates IF they contact every single person to change the date pay for all of the cancellation fees and pay for a whole new wedding also refund any guests who have non refundable travel arrangements and pay for the new ones.