Bridesmaid refuses to pay brother-in-law back for wedding photo editing. AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for not paying my BIL back for their wedding photo editing?"

I (f30) was in my sister’s (26) wedding a few weeks ago. It was beautiful and seemed to be just what they wanted. Last weekend, after they returned from their honeymoon, my sister, her husband, my husband, and my brother went to my parents house for dinner so they could show us photos from their trip and some they had from their wedding...

(Just a few as the photographer was still editing the others??) It seemed like that had a great time on their honeymoon on Turks and Caicos and their wedding photos were beautiful but I noticed that my body had been edited like a lot.

Some background on me is that I am 4’10” and have struggled with my weight for years. I was put on a steroid for over a year which absolutely wrecked my body in numerous ways. I was barely 100lbs for most of my life but gained 60lbs while on this medication.

I was also diagnosed with PCOS and at my highest I was 190lbs. I know it’s bad but I lost 25lbs over the past year and after having a watermelon sized tumor removed from my ovaries last fall I was able to lose 15 more lbs. I was doing my best to look good for their wedding.

My sister is a natural blonde, she is tall, beautiful and the absolute sweetest person on the planet. She is also a nurse and was in a sorority. Every single one of her bridesmaids were tall, thin, and blonde.

Her now husband has never been my favorite person but his family is amazing and they are close with my parents. Based on photos shown at their wedding showers and other events, it appears that for a majority of his childhood, he was quite overweight but had since become very into fitness and has completed triathlons and other similar competitions.

So, after our family dinner I was outside alone with my new BIL and he looks at me and says that their photos are taking so long to be returned because they had to have every single picture I’m in edited. He specifically said that they had to “edit out my jowls."

He said in a semi joking manner that I owe him $250 for having me photoshopped and delaying their wedding photos. I looked at him and said I hope you’re joking because that’s rude and also what the hell. He pulled up one of the photos where all the bridesmaids are surrounding the bride and I’m in the front...

(because I’m by far the shortest) and said that this photo should have been so beautiful but I’m taking up too much space in the front and it couldn’t be fixed. I just looked at him, said nothing, and went inside and got my husband and we left.

I don’t know if I should pay him back or tell my sister or what. My husband said I should tell my parents and sister what he said but I don’t want to start any drama. AITAH if I don’t pay him back?

EDIT:

The initial interaction happened last Saturday and he sent me a Venmo request on Wednesday which is how I know it’s not a joke. I know weddings and photography are expensive. My parents paid for most of the wedding but his family paid the photographer.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

KaliTheBlaze said:

I think bringing in your parents might create more drama, but your sister should know what her husband said to you. “I know you’re not responsible for things your husband says, but I want you to know why I’d like to have some space from him and stay away from him at family get togethers for a while.

He said that your wedding photos are delayed coming back from the photographers because “they had to edit out my jowls”, said that my presence ruined a shot of you and all the bridesmaids, and then he joked that I needed to pay him back for the photoshop. I’m sad and hurt and I don’t want to have to pretend everything is okay with him for a while.” NTA.

Artistic_Thought7309 said:

He thinks of you as someone who is “taking too much space” . From now on liberate him from your space-taking presence and avoid being at the same space with him. Of course, once you inform your family about the reason.

You not wanting to start a drama is honourable; on the other hand it is the typical attitude of bullied persons who avoid further altercation with their bullies so that the environment is not disturbed by your suffering.

Do not swallow it. Your BiL is an awful person, rude, insensitive, ignorant, arrogant. Let him be. but you do not need to be in his life and neither he in your’s. NTA.

Mooshu1981 said:

NTA. Wedding photographer here. What they are asking I would never do. I have it in my contract I will not do body alterations for any fee! How dare he shame you like that. I know what it feels like to be short. I’m similar to you. If one person said something to me i don’t care who they are I would have told them where they can go. Tell your sister and your parents.

Chocolatecandybar_ said:

NTA and PLEASE start a drama. Group text, screenshot of the Venmo request, links to articles about how comments like his can lead to eating disorders, PLAY THE CANCER CARD DAMN and close with a dramatic "going to take some time for myself because I feel I need to distance for my mental health" and make everybody scared that you will go NC if they support him. Hit once to educate him forever.

Shortestbreath said:

NTA but this is 100% a thing your family needs to know.

Renailane said:

NTA. Screenshot that Venmo request. In case he tries to lie and say it was just a joke when it all eventually comes out.

UPDATE:

I spoke with my sister this morning. I told her what BIL said last week and texted her a screenshot of the request. She knew. It was her idea. She said she knew I was self conscious and she wanted to show how beautiful I could be.

She also asked if I was going to reimburse them or if she should ask my dad. Apparently BIL has been stressing about the cost (though he’s not paying) because his parents keep mentioning it. His grandfather is a local politician and his dad the CEO of an insurance company. They’re doing very well financially.

I told my sister how upset I am and that I’m shocked that we’re having this conversation. She said it’s not a big deal and she knows I’ll be happy about this when I’ve lost more weight.

I then told her that I find it ridiculous that she had me in her wedding party if that’s how she feels. She got mad saying I’m being ridiculous to think I wouldn’t be in her wedding. Basically I told her that I’m incredibly upset and I don’t know how to feel about our relationship.

I then called my parents and told them we’re not coming to dinner this weekend. My parents are upset and said they see why I’m upset but they also kind of agree with my sister.

My dad (who goes to the gym multiple times a day) said he’s proud of me and he knows I can get healthy and that he’s sure this won’t be a big deal in a year or so. He then told me he was going to pay BILs parents and to not worry about it.

Literally no one has ever made comments to me about my weight but looking back I think I’ve always been compared to my sister. She was literally homecoming queen every year and I remember my mom asking if that upset me.

She was a freshman and I was a senior. I was just doing my thing in the chess club and science honors society not giving a shit about how pretty and popular my sister was.

I was happy for her but looking back I think that I’ve kind of been sh%t on my whole life while my sister’s needs and interests were put above mine. I’m going to schedule a session with my therapist after this because I’m just at a loss. Sorry this is so long and ridiculous.