Bride tells fiancé; 'Your nieces and nephews CAN'T come to the wedding.' AITA?

"AITA for asking that my fiancè's nieces and nephews not attend our wedding?"

My partner (male 35) and I (female 30) got engaged this year. I love my partner very much. However, I don't really click with his family. Nothing personal, no issues or arguments, just different people and I keep to myself.

My partner has two older siblings who have young children and babies. The children are not well behaved. They are often demanding, have tantrums to get their own way, meltdown/cry and yell over minor things etc.

I don't really want a wedding with them present. However, I believe my partner's siblings will be offended if we ask for a childfree wedding. I still want to ask that they do not attend. If it causes too much trouble, I guess the next option is to elope.

I lose out by eloping too, as I won't have my closest family members with me on my wedding day. But I don't really see another option.

Let's take a look at some top comments and responses from OP:

national7 writes:

INFO: Does your fiancé 100% agree with you? Would there be no exceptions (like no one else gets to bring children or babies)? Is this a hill you’re willing to die on, even if it creates a bigger rift between you and his family? If the answer to all three is yes, then make the announcement.

But consider other options, like a formal ceremony where no children attend, but a reception that accommodates your relatives and friends who have children. A wedding is not just another instagrammable party—it’s supposed to be a celebration and marriage of two families.

By skipping this ritual, you miss an opportunity to strengthen a bond that you admit is already weak. And trust me, it’s a lot harder to build your relationship with your soon-to-be husband if you have unnecessarily alienated his family. It’s not just a chance for your fiancé to meet your family—it’s supposed to cut both ways.

OP responds:

He agrees it would be less enjoyable if the children attended, however, he does not want to offend his siblings.

I don't see a wedding as an instagrammable party, I see it as a ceremony where I get to promise my partner my love, care, and devotion. However, if I am going to go to the effort of organising and funding a wedding, I want to enjoy it and not have children running around, crying, and yelling at the event. Their parents do not uphold boundaries with them.

I know my partner's family well but I am just different from them. They are very Australian and I am not and much more reserved. I don't expect this to change and accept it for what it is. I get along well enough at Christmas, other gatherings but don't personally feel a strong bond is there and I assume they feel similarly about me.

national7 writes:

It’s your wedding so you can make the decision. I’m not sure this is a question that is about assholery, though. You risk having your in-laws boycotting your wedding, and most certainly will harbor hard feelings.

You didn’t answer my other two questions, but your answer to the first one is no, your fiancé is NOT 100% behind you. That means, when his siblings push, he’ll eventually make it clear that it was your demand, not his. He only sees it as “less enjoyable” if the children attend.

So, will it be completely child-free or are you granting exceptions to others with kids? Think about this, too: you’re going to be “promising your partner your love, care and devotion,” but only if he leaves his nieces and nephews out of the picture. Don’t be surprised to be left out if you ever decide to have kids.

OP responds:

Apologies, the answers to your other questions are: 1. it would be completely child free, only family are invited and they are the only family members with children, 2. I'm not willing to die on the hill and cause a rift or hard feelings.

I never said that promising my partner my love etc. was conditional on the children not being there. It would just be my preference that they are not there as they can not behave appropriately for a ceremony.

I will not be having children, so I'm not worried about ever being left out.

enou9ghwisdowm writes:

You’re not the asshole but you’re feeling sorry for yourself past the solution instead of being firm. You’ll have a no child wedding or elope. You won’t miss out either way because you get your way and your husband misses out on his family either way. How are you missing that?

OP responds:

Sorry, I am not totally understanding you. What should I be firm about? I understand that my husband also misses out on his family. I guess I should have shown this in my original framing of the situation.

It seems like a losing situation for both of us. The children come and they cannot behave. The wedding is not enjoyable, not just for me, but potentially for the other adults without children who want an enjoyable day/evening.

The children are not invited and my husband's siblings likely do not like this/and potentially hold a grudge. We elope to avoid the first scenario and to avoid offending my husband's siblings. We both don't have family with us.

crimesop writes:

You sound like you dgaf about building relationships with your fiancé’s family. Why would you want to start a marriage like this? What you are describing is normal kid behaviour.

These children will become your nieces and nephews. Why would you want to exclude them from a family event?

There are lots of ways to include children in a wedding and if they are young their parents may want to arrange for babysitters and not bring them anyway, but not including/inviting them sends a very strong message and could set the tone for a poor relationship moving forward.

I would suggest you and your fiancé have a conversation with your future siblings so that you can come up with a plan that will work for everyone. Otherwise, absolutely YTA.

fesslty writes:

YTA for seemingly not getting your fiancé 's input in this. While I agree that it's difficult, there are other compromises too - we had a kid's area and nannies at our wedding, away from the main events, so their parents could still be present and enjoy the day.

They all behaved SO WELL despite our fears because they were so excited to be part of the wedding. And if you already aren't gelling with the family this could take you into villain territory for them so I would also watch out for that...

heavyintro writes:

NAH on the main question, because its fair not to want small children around on such an important day, and it doesn't sound like you've even asked fiance yet, so there's no conflict. He's not an asshole just for existing with niblings, the siblings aren't assholes for having small children.

But uh, some of your phrasing stuck out to me. "The other option would be to elope" -- again, you haven't asked fiance yet. Is eloping something he would even consider?

"I won't have my closest family members with me on my wedding day" -- again, please consider what your fiance might want from this wedding. In conclusion, no assholes but giving selfish vibes

OP responds:

I should have made it clearer in the post, my finance agrees that the wedding would be less enjoyable with the children there and that they cannot behave. However, he doesn't want to offend his siblings or cause any arguments.

Nor do I want him to. We have talked about eloping as a potential solution, to avoid having to ask that the wedding be childfree/potentially offending his siblings. Thanks for your input. I will definitely try to be less selfish.