Bride uninvites her former teacher/mom's current boyfriend from wedding, 'she's SMITTEN.' AITA?

"AITA for uninviting my old headteacher/mum’s BF to my wedding?"

I’m (26F) getting married to my fiancé (29M) in September. We’ve invited partners for close friends and family but haven’t given any blanket plus ones, if that’s relevant. My mum (56F) has been really excited for the wedding. A few weeks ago we went out for lunch for Mother’s Day with her and my sister and she told us that she’s seeing someone, a former teacher called Henry who is now retired.

She was smitten. Apparently they’ve been seeing each other since November but she was anxious to tell us about it - this is the first time she’s seen anyone since Dad died six years ago and she said she was worried about how we’d react.

I was really happy for her - Dad’s been dead quite a while and I think the loneliness has affected her quite badly. After talking about her new BF we got talking about the wedding again, and obviously i said her new partner would be invited.

Fast forward to yesterday, my fiancé and I went to visit mum and meet her new partner. When we got inside, my old headteacher was sitting on the sofa and jumped up to greet us. For a second I blanked and was confused about why he was there before realizing that he was Henry.

“Henry” is Mr Campbell, my old headteacher. He was head from when I was in year 10 to upper sixth. He hated me. I wasn’t a particularly bad kid and occasionally got in trouble, but a lot of the stuff he pulled me up for was just trivial.

As an example: He called my dad in for a behavior meeting because I’d been caught wearing two pairs of school socks (this sounds weird but we had big wool blue socks and they looked better with two pairs scrunched down, but it was against uniform policy).

In that meeting with my dad he also had a go at me for not having an expression on my face, saying how bad it was that I could “just sit there like it wasn’t affecting me”. Like he wanted to make me cry or upset or something.

He also said he’d asked my teachers and they’d all given reports that I have an attitude and misbehave in class (none of my reports said that though). My dad was horrified and wouldn’t speak to me for a couple of days. Once I was on his radar, Mr Campbell took any opportunity to try and find something wrong with my uniform or what I was doing so he could give me a detention.

After the initial moment of confusion he introduced himself as Henry, then made a joke about having my top button undone (I was wearing a blouse). It was super uncomfortable. He still talked as if I was a teenager. We left after about half an hour of uncomfortable chat.

All the drive home I couldn’t stop thinking about the wedding and how much I DON'T want this guy there. I don’t want to feel judged and disliked on my wedding day. I don’t know how to tell Mum though...

I know it’ll hurt her feelings, she obviously feels for him (why, I’m not sure) and I don’t want to give the impression that I have a problem with her dating in general. On the other hand I don’t want to have someone who hates me at my wedding. WIBTA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Pure-Philosopher-175 said:

NTA. Does your mother know he used to be your head teacher, and knows how he treated you when you were at school? If not, you need to make your mother aware of your history with this guy, and the fact that he has continued to make you uncomfortable as an adult with comments about your clothing.

I do not blame you at all for not wanting him at the wedding. You may not have been perfect as a teenager (few people are), but from what you have said, it sounds like Henry used his position of power as head teacher to target you, bully you and lie about your character to your father over something as ridiculous as wearing an extra pair of socks...

(it also sucks that your father automatically took this guy’s word and gave you the silent treatment). It’s a difficult situation as you did not know who your mother was dating when you made the promise to invite her new partner. Is your mother paying for or contributing money to the wedding?

Difficult_Jury_7455 said:

NTA. Your mom must of known you would know him. She even introduced him into conversation as a headmaster so it would have come up in conversation between them. Considering the arguments it caused I struggle to think how mom didn't know he was the guy you must have been ranting about most days of your childhood.

I don't think you asking her not to bring him is a problem however she will likely be put out abit. However it is a good opportunity to bring up your still strong feelings regarding the man. It's best too, before mom starts trying to push him onto you strongly with other meetings.

Frankifile said:

Better to bite the bullet and tell her now. Say you want to keep it to people you know and love and he hasn’t yet built up that relationship with you. If it all kicks off, tell her he made life hell for you in school and he’s an arse who’s still making inappropriate comments about your clothing.

Donkeh101 said:

NTA. It sounds very awkward and I would be speaking to your mother about this. Does she know who he is to you? At the end of the day, though, he is making your mother happy. But! You don’t have to invite him anywhere if he makes you feel uncomfortable.

Hopefully your mother understands that. After your wedding, and if he is still around, my petty arse would just wear mismatched socks every single time you visit. And shut him down. See what your mum says. Best of luck.

TopAd7154 said:

NTA. Your wedding, your rules. "Sorry mum, but Henry can't come. He wasn't particularly nice to me in school and whilst I appreciate that it was in the past, I'd rather not have him there on my special day."

HammerOn57 said:

NTA. Dude was a bully to you. I find it extremely unlikely that your mother isn't aware of your history with him. Obviously, she can date whoever she wants. That doesn't mean you have to invite him to your wedding. I think it'd be a big mistake on your part if you did allow him to attend, your wedding is not the time to extend olive branches to bullies.

Just be honest with your mother. It's your day and you don't want that person there. Considering he already tried to "joke" about your clothing...nah he can't be trusted at your wedding. Your mother can like it or lump it.