Bride vetoes groom and SIL's idea to have a cake for grandma's 80th at wedding, 'the deal is off.' AITA?
"AITA for suggesting that my brother and his fiancée bring out a cake at midnight on their wedding day for our grandma's 80th birthday?"
My older brother is getting married to his partner on July 20th, a date that they agreed on in January and shared with the family. July 21st is our grandma's 80th birthday, she comes from a line of women where none of them lived past the age of 80 so it's a big deal for her and she announced last year that she wanted to go all out with a weekend long celebration.
When my brother announced his wedding date, she was the first one to react with kindness considering he forgot all about her 80th birthday plans when deciding upon the wedding date. They had made several down payments before announcing, so there was no point in asking them to move the wedding a week before or later for grandma. And grandma wouldn't allow it.
She ultimately decided to have a relaxing, lowkey Sunday dinner because my brother and his fiancée also want to have a post wedding brunch that day for relatives and the bridal party. My mom and I got to talking and we thought it would be super fun if, at midnight, us grandkids could surprise grandma with a cake and have the band play her favorite song so we could share a dance with her.
It seemed like a fun way to include such an important milestone into the celebratory weekend since she was giving up her big birthday bash in favor of the wedding. I called my brother immediately to share the idea with him and he loved it, he even came up with the idea to make the cake England themed because mom and I are taking her to England in September as our gift, it's a life long dream of hers to go.
That is, he loved it until he didn't, meaning until he spoke with his fiancée. He called to say the "cake deal for gran" was off and that same night I received a text from his fiancée telling me I should've checked with her first if she would be okay with it and how I was being insensitive, rude and selfish for meddling with her special day.
Yes, her special day. Not my brother's special day or their special day, her special day. She really seems like a good person and we get along well despite not being super close, but it seemed logical to me to contact my brother since it's also his wedding and it's his grandma, not hers.
I responded back by saying it was my brother's special day as well and how he was initially thrilled by the idea. I also told her I didn't appreciate her accusing me of meddling since both mom and I have fully respected the fact that she planned the entire wedding with her mom, leaving us out of the loop, despite my parents paying for a portion of the wedding. My mom was bummed about being fully excluded even though all she would've wanted was to know how everything was going.
The wedding reception is scheduled to end at 2 am, and by midnight she'll already have been the center of attention. It's not like someone is going to jump out of her wedding cake and propose to another person. My text was met with a phone call from my brother who basically told me the conversation is over as I've overstepped my boundaries. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Sebscreen said:
NTA. Your kind, loving 80-year-old grandma, who has already expressed how this is a historic and meaningful moment for her, is more important than your entitled SIL who would already have a full day of attention under her belt by then.
Go ahead and plan for lovely festivities with your grandma and her family without SIL or your brother. She outright declared war on the people financing her wedding and who are important to her husband, so all bets are off.
Prize-Bumblebee-2192 said:
YTA. It’s a nice sentiment but it’s not your party so you don’t get a say if your idea is ultimately turned down. Your brother made his choice as well.
CosmicPolaris said:
YTA. Jesus you and your family sound annoying. You are trying to hijack the wedding out of pure jealously. Your grandmother has already said what she wanted. You all need to listen for once.
HereForThePancakes said:
NTA I've been to sooooo many weddings where a birthday cake was brought out for a guest. Especially if this is your grandma's milestone 80th birthday and everyone is in town, what a lovely addition to the day! Your brother is an AH for forgetting this monumental day, then agreeing to this idea and then backing out. Hopefully you can find an amazing way to celebrate your grandma's special day!
Annex47 said:
YTA. Your grandma has expressed what she wanted. It is the bride and groom's day. They deserve to have that day for them. You sound like you're jealous that you've not been included and want to hijack the event out of spite. Be grateful that your grandma made it to 80.
clockstrikes91 said:
NTA. The bride is obnoxious. What's going to happen in the future? Will her wedding anniversary override grandma's birthday celebrations indefinitely? Your brother's an AH too for being inconsiderate and caving in to her demands when he knows full well what a huge deal this is for grandma.
If you and any other relatives want to get together to do something for grandma on HER special day, go for it. Throw her the big bonanza she deserves. The bride will still have her side of the family, aka the only side she actually cares about, to attend her dumb brunch.
Mechya said:
NTA and I'd hold a birthday thing for Sunday, f-k the brunch/lunch and take granny out for a family celebration. Tell her that you guys are there and want to celebrate her and how everyone has been waiting for it.
It's likely that brother already warned fiance that it's granny's 80th but it's HER TIME and she made sure they booked it so she couldn't be overshadowed. The brunch thing is just to shut down granny from celebrating herself on her birthday. Tell them sorry, but your grandmother's birthday is Sunday so you have prior engagement from before their selfish planning.