Bride yells at future mother-in-law, 'she is paying for most of the wedding.' AITA?

"AITA for yelling at my future mother-in-law?"

Ok so I (23F) am engaged and have been planning my wedding for the past 6 months. The wedding is in another 6 months, the day we met/the day we got engaged, and I’m going crazy with the planning. My fiancé is such a mama's boy he’s letting her take over the whole wedding!

So far she’s chosen the flowers, the venue, and even the caterer…last week we had the cake tasting and I really liked the vanilla cake with strawberries but she kept on insisting for the chocolate cake saying “it’s more elegant…”

I just lost it and went off on her about how she’s taking over the whole wedding and that this is our day not hers. She got up and left so my fiancé went after her leaving me alone to finish the tasting and go home by myself.

Two days after I went to go see her to apologize for making a scene but also to explain how I felt. She was being dry and cold to me, which was expected, but she said she understands and she’ll try to back off a little more now.

After I apologized, me and my fiancé started fighting. I’ve been telling him about this for months so yea it going to build up and that was my final straw. He started to make it about money saying that she is paying for most of the wedding so she is allowed to have a say.

I told him it's not about the money and that my parents have offered plenty of times to share the costs. I do ask her opinions on things just like I ask my mo, but they are in between two things that I like not that she likes. We don’t exactly have the same styles and this is my wedding day.

I’m also starting to rethink the relationship, because he always takes her side on everything and I really don’t know if that’ll ever change. I know that after his mom and I talked she went straight to him to talk about me. I don’t know how I could live with a controlling mother in law that my husband will always back up over me. So AITA for going off on her and wanting to break up with my fiancé?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

lurker0277 said:

NTA. Girl, RUN!!!!!!! I'm not usually of the mindset on walking away instead of working on a relationship, but it sounds like he feels like his mom's feelings are more important than yours.

It's going to be a problem forever. If you have kids and she wants to be in the delivery room and you don't want her there? Will your husband take her side or yours? When you get a promotion opportunity but have to move to accept, and she doesn't want to "lose her baby boy," will he take your side and move with you?

Or will he stay? If you end up in a coma and she tells him to pull the plug when he knows that isn't your wish- will he do what you asked? Or blindly follow his mom's lead?

You have a long long life ahead of you; if he can't support you in a wedding, which is a single day, will he support you in decades of days together in the future? How he handles this, and how he handles her is a reflection of what your future will be. Choose your path wisely.

kingnotkane120 said:

ESH. You and your fiance are immature, your future MIL is a control freak. If you want control over your own wedding, the only way to get that control is to pay for it yourself. If you are already thinking the relationship is bad, please don't get married. Who's going to pay for your divorce?

GoldInTheSummertime said:

NTA. He will not stop deferring to his mother once you get married, and it will get exponentially worse if you have kids. If he is rebuffing the offer of your parents splitting the cost, I think he wants his mom to pay so he can justify her making all the decisions, which makes her, and by extension him, happy.

No matter who is paying, it is not normal for someone who is not the couple to make these major decisions. Have input? Sure. Decide? Nope. You are so young, and you can still extract yourself from this relationship easily. Get out now.

TemptingPenguin369 said:

NTA for yelling (maybe a little, but justified), and NTA for starting to open your eyes to the fact that you'll be third-wheeling your current fiancé's relationship with his mom, and "wanting to break up with my fiancé." Best wishes for a better life in the future, and maybe someday a fiancé who wants to pick the cake flavor with his fiancee rather than with his mommy.

Narrow_Extreme_4916 said:

NTA. It is almost as if she is planning her own wedding with her son. She is using the fact that she is paying for the wedding as an excuse, but your parents were as willing to pay as well! If your husband is not and never was willing to take your side on any of the arguments that you guys had, I would rethink the relationship.

On a side note- chocolate cake is almost never served at weddings because it makes a huge mess and can stain, so that is interesting that she claimed that it was more elegant. She came up with that excuse probably because chocolate is her favorite lol.

Mewmew155 said:

NTA. When people show you who they are, believe them. He's showing you that he will take her side every time. She's showing you that what you want doesn't match up with her vision, and thusly doesn't matter.

You're young, you have plenty of time to find a healthy relationship with a family that loves, wants, and accepts you as you are. Save yourself some debt and really consider if you want to join this family that treats you with such little regard.