Bride's wedding completely ruined by groom's psychopathic 'mystery' guest. AITA? 3 MAJOR UPDATES.
When this bride is horrified by a strange woman named "Sarah" at her wedding, she asks Reddit:
(OP also provides three long updates about her marriage. They only get weirder as you go along...)
"My wedding was ruined by my husband's mystery guest. AITA?"
I’ve debated about posting this but i have to rant to someone. Me (23f) and my now husband, Josh (26m) had our wedding last week. at first everything was beautiful, I got married to my highschool sweet heart and was so happy. It felt like my fairytale come true, I felt like a princess.
While I’m taking photos with my bridesmaids, I see Josh’s cousin (Nicole) with a girl (I’ll call her sarah) I’m unfamiliar with. She seems non talkative but is friendly to me at first. We finish our photos and go inside to relax and chat before I walk down the aisle.
A long while later, after the vows were exchanged, I bump into Sarah while on my way to the food table. She’s clearly intoxicated, but through her slurred speaking I could hear her ranting about how crowded the venue was but then it escalates.
I was getting food for my mom when she said to me that she’s surprised Josh married “someone like me” because Josh could do better than me. I tried to laugh it off and I told her I was very lucky to have him.
The interaction left me feeling upset but I brushed it off as her just being drunk and I starting drinking too and soon forgot about it. Time goes past and I’m feeling good, me and my husband along with all the guests were dancing.
Suddenly, I hear a crashing sound near the food table and all of us rush over to see what was happening. I see Sarah (the mystery guest) on the ground sobbing hysterically, and Nicole was trying to calm her down. She had completely smashed my wedding cake, and ripped the decorations.
My heart was broken to see my wedding cake completely destroyed but I tried to ask what was wrong, and Sarah started screaming and cursing me. I was confused and drunk so I started shouting back and ordered my husband to kick her out.
He didn’t want to and told me she should be allowed to stay since she was a friend. I argued with him and told him that she’s ruined my wedding. It eventually took my husband and Nicole to get her under control and convince her to go home.
Nicole left with Sarah and when my husband came back he looked angry with me. He completely blew me off for the rest of the night and I could tell the atmosphere was now awkward for all my guests.
The next day my husband lectured me about how I hurt Sarah’s feelings and demanded I apologize to her. We argued and he slept on the couch. Things eventually cooled down so I tried to talk to him about it the following days but he shut me down and just told me I was being over dramatic about the situation.
I’ve never even seen Sarah until my wedding, I have no clue why she would lash out like that. I’m hurt that my husband doesn’t see my perspective. Even though she was drunk, she ruined my special day and now I can’t think of the happy memories I have because I can only think of that incident.
Sorry for the long read, thanks for listening. Was I wrong here? My husband is making me think maybe I am?
Before we give you all three of OP's bizarre and lengthy updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
xsss7 writes:
So you (23) married your Highschool sweetheart (26) which means that you’ve been dating for at least some time between 5 to 8 years depending if you were both in Highschool when you started dating.
And you’ve never even met or heard of this person that is such a good friend to your husband that he stands up for her on his wedding day against his bride?
Who is this woman? How can they be close friends if you’ve never even heard of her? When are they meeting to experience this friendship? How does his cousin know her that they’re close enough that Sarah’s her plus one at your wedding. You clearly didn’t invite her if you didn’t even know her.
And that person was pretty obviously jealous and vengeful. Getting drunk, screaming at the bride, destroying the wedding cake, insulting the bride. Why? Who is she? How does she even know your husband? The only thing she didn’t do was stand up during the vows, object and declare her love for him. But it was close.
And then there’s your dear husband: he let her scream at you and destroy the cake and took her side? And slept on the couch on his wedding night because he was mad on this woman’s behalf? That’s a lot of emotional investment for a person that his wife hasn’t even met in all those years.
There are so many red flags here. You need to talk to your husband about Sarah. And I’d also contact the cousin.
Then, OP provides her first SHOCKING update:
firstly, I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I know this update isn’t going to be very shocking, but I at least want to explain myself a bit better. I started thinking and taking everyone’s replies into consideration and called Nicole.
I demanded she tell me the truth and she eventually did. You all were right. Sarah and Josh were a thing. Yes, he cheated on me. For some backstory, me and Josh have knew each other since elementary school, we grew up together and started dating freshman year of Highschool.
He was my first everything, I’ve never loved someone the way I love him. I didn’t want to believe Nicole when she confirmed my suspicions. When she told me he cheated on me my heart sank and I haven’t stopped feeling nauseous.
Im completely devastated. Now, how could I be so foolish? How couldn’t I see what was laid out right in front of me? Is this even real? Well, Sarah went to a different Highschool than me and Josh.
Nicole introduced Sarah and Josh (nicole knew he was taken but she’s never liked me because I’m mixed.) He dated Sarah while he was dating me all through Highschool.
When we graduated, he ended things with Sarah. He wasnt currently cheating on me, but Sarah was still angry that Josh ghosted her so she took it out on me. Nicole brought her to the wedding, knowing Sarah wanted some type of revenge.
I didn’t want to believe that the love of my life, my whole world, the person I cherish the most could do this to me. He cheated on me for four whole years, and I was completely oblivious. I don’t want to lose him but I can’t look at him the same.
He’s always been so sweet, so caring of me, so loving. He has no clue that I know, and I’m not sure how to bring it up to him. I wish this wasn’t real. I wish i could wake up from this terrible nightmare.
When I confront him, I’ll update if anything important happens. And for anyone that’s been kind to me thank you so much. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.
aggravatingbowl7 writes:
Here’s what your guests saw: a sloppy, drunk, hateful woman who purposely ruined your wedding cake; an understandably upset bride and a groom who became irrationally angry at his own bride.
This woman is psychotic but your husband… your husband failed at being your husband within mere hours of it being official. He failed in a way that is so unacceptable that if it were me, I would have asked the officiant to rip up the marriage license right then and there.
What your guests should have seen: a happy bride and groom; no one else matters. A beautiful cake that they can’t wait to eat after watching you slice into it.
You were robbed of that and make no mistake, your husbands part in this is just as big as that woman who was so nasty that she had to steal the spotlight from a bride on her wedding day.
enzarachan writes:
I just want to play devil's advocate here cause almost everyone is accusing him of cheating.
Let say he's not sleeping with this Sarah woman. Let's say he's not romantically involved with her at all, never has been.
Regardless of what everyone is trying to assume, we have clear facts to go off of- He did not take your side. Whether he's two timing or not, he took the side if a stranger over yours... on your wedding day.
That is unforgivable for one big reason; it was supposed to be the highlight of your love journey with each other. For him to act that way not only night of, but the following? For him to not see the error of his ways after sleeping on it?
THAT, my dear, is the most unforgivable part of this. It will most certainly happen again, it will likely escalate into bigger disagreements and he will likely gaslight you. This is not a stretch, this is a clear an obvious potential, based on this behavior.
Please heed these warnings. No one should be made to feel bad for getting upset at someone PURPOSEFULLY ruining a very expensive and memorable life experience.
linerva writes:
Oh, I'm so sorry. This is a mess, and you need to take a minute to really breathe, and then when you are ready, you need to think it through, carefully. Because you haven't been given the full picture.
As others here have said, you have known your husband for several years, and met in high school. You SHOULD have known about any friends of is by now, and yet you neither knew Sarah, nor knew that she was coming to his wedding as a friend. It looks like the cousin brought her as a favor to your man.
If she was THAT big of a friend of your man's WHY had you neither met her, nor heard anything about her? Why was she not invited as a guest on his side in her own right? You went to the same school and have been with him the entire time.
He has been hiding Sarah from you. And we can see why - she wants him. That is why she was making a scene, getting drunk and shouting at you. She could be an ex, or she could be a woman he is sleeping with, right now. But she has that kind of relationship with him.
I say this because the fact he was defending Sarah is a giveaway. Even though she kicked up a scene at the wedding and embarrassed both of you, he stood up for the woman who was trashing his own wedding. He isn't done with her.
She isn't just a stalkerish acquaintance. I would bet you money, this is a woman he is fg now, in the present. He clearly has feelings for her - it's the ONLY reason he would be lenient with her, and take her side over yours.
I don't normally advocate for snooping, but this kind of situation is the only time when checking his phone is absolutely essential. You need to know the kind of relaitonship they have, and he's clearly not honest or trustworthy or he would have told you already.
And if you say that nobody would be dumb enough to invite their side piece to their wedding, they absolutely are - it's not even uncommon. She probably demanded an invite because she was feeling jealous and possessive - which is why she got drunk and started acting abusively towards you and wrecking your wedding.
I don't know how the US system works, but could you sue her for the destruction of the cake in small claims court? Because if you could, I would. She deserves to pay.
OP, I don't know if it's just the trauma speaking, but you spend a lot of time talking about "MY special day" and "MY wedding - I don't know, but I get the impression that you were very invested in the wedding, mroe so than your partner was.
Do you think that you maybe let wanting a wedding get ahead of you? Look back at your relationship have you been minimising or ignoring red flags in your partner? I am almost certain that this didn't come out of nowhere, because it usually doesn't.
I'm sorry, but I don't think your relaitonship is going to work - if HE is defending Sarah, then there is no marriage. He's not your man, he's HER man. It's not too late to get things annulled, I hope.
Then, OP provides this SECOND major update about the situation:
I want to start off by clarifying a few things. People keep asking how was he loving and caring if he did this to you?
He brings me flowers every week, he brings me lunch to my work, he cooks for me, he takes me on a fancy date once a month, he takes care of my mother, he offers to pay for everything, he always tells me how much he loves me and he used to make me feel so safe.
I would’ve never married him if I knew he would put me through all this. I know this “story” is hard to believe but it’s not just a story, this is my life. Also turns out the cheating was actually going on for closer to six years.
Yes, she was the only girl he cheated with. I am upset that Sarah destroyed my marriage, but I know it’s ultimately Josh’s fault. Anyways, Josh gets off of work at 10pm so I stayed up late to talk to him. I made Nicole promise me not to tell him I know, and shockingly she stayed true to her promise.
He came through the door and I called him to sit with me while I was at the kitchen table. I told him I knew everything. At first I was shouting and ranting to him but then it turned into me begging him to prove to me that it wasn’t true.
Of course it was true, and after a while he confessed to everything. Hearing it from him made it all too real. He tried to argue that since it was in Highschool, it shouldn’t affect me that much and that it was a stupid mistake.
Yeah, a stupid mistake he let go on for over five years? I know we were young but he knew better. He begged me to stay and told me how sorry he was for everything he’s put me through. I told him how much I love him, but I can’t stay with him.
I asked him why he defended her over me and he said he didn’t want to upset her because he knew how “psycho” she can be. I know he still loves her, or at least cares about her because why would he still defend her years later?
I cant just cut him out of my life yet, the house we live in and my car is all in his name. Not only have I lost my husband, but I’ve lost my whole life. After I made it clear to him I was leaving him, he got angry and we started arguing. He tried to say at least he wasn’t still cheating, but I don’t care, it still hurts the same.
I called my mom and told her everything so she’s letting me stay with her for now. Since I live in Pennsylvania, I have 60 days to get my marriage annulled, which I plan to do. Josh keeps trying to call me but im not answering it. He showed me what love is but now he’s ruined love for me.
I cant see myself ever dating and trusting someone like this again. Not only was my wedding destroyed, but my whole life is now destroyed. I have no car, no house, he has full access to my bank account and I’m sure he’ll fight to keep the dogs. If anyone wants an update on when I go to get my stuff, I’ll give one.
None of his family apart from Nicole know he cheated or anything about what’s going on. I loved his parents, and they loved me too. His dad took me in after I lost mine. As for Nicole and Sarah, they’ve tried to contact me but I haven’t replied.
Please let me be clear when I say that when you’re so blindly in love, you never consider the one person you love and trust the most in this world to be cheating on you. My lawyer said he has to give me everything I paid for, and I should get my bank information changed as soon as possible.
My lawyer also said getting my marriage annulled would be the best option. If I can prove my car has been paid by me then he has to give it to me. But right now there’s nothing I can do about my car or house since it’s all legally in his name.
My lawyer is fighting for me tho. I’m praying that josh will give me the dog. Lastly, thank you again to anyone who’s been kind to me throughout this. I hate reading comments because most are negative and it keeps me thinking about this whole situation.
I appreciate any of you who’ve supported me and gave me advice more than you know. It’s really helped me through this disaster and without you guys talking some sense into me, I think I would’ve just stayed with him.
Now I know that he isn’t the man I thought I married, and I don’t want him to be the father of my children anymore. I’m not sure if I’ll update again, i might if something interesting happens. Goodbye for now.
Then, OP provides her third and final update (with a major plot twist about her marriage):
Sorry for the inactivity, I haven’t been feeling too well but I’m a bit better now. I’m glad some of you wanted an update because I have one to tell. At first Josh tried to keep my things, in an effort to persuade me to get back with him.
He stopped that after a day or two tho. The great news is I got my car and my ex husband gave me my dog without me having to take him to court (i could’ve gotten it anyway but him just giving it over made things a lot easier on me.)
My bank information is changed, and he didn’t try to take any of my money. I’ve still lost my home but there’s nothing I can do about that at the moment. My lawyer has worked so hard for me and I’m so grateful to him.
I had a calmer conversation with my ex when I was over to get my stuff, and I’ve gotten a bit of closure. We talked about all our memories and had kind of our final conversation. He apologized for everything, said he understood why I was leaving him, and told me if I wanted him to leave me alone he would.
My marriage was annulled, but I’m kinda devastated that it’s like it never happened now. The reason why Sarah and Nicole were calling me is because they tried to tell me I’m “ruining his reputation” and being a drama queen about something that happened years ago. I’ve blocked both of them now.
Every time someone asks about why our marriage was annulled, I tell them the truth and that’s upsetting him. He doesn’t like that his family and coworkers know about how much of a prick he is.
I wasn’t going to tell his family because I don’t think that’s my place but they know now anyway. His parents caught wind of what happened and called me to apologize and check up on me. They were like my second parents, im forever grateful to them for taking me in as their own. I’m truly going to miss having them as my in laws.
I’m living with my mom as of now, but I’m looking for cheap apartments near by. I’ve never lived by myself so I’m pretty scared of it. To my knowledge, my ex and Sarah didn’t get back in contact and from the looks of things don’t plan to in the future.
To those asking why my things were in his name, I obviously didn’t think it’d end like this. I trusted him with my life and he made a lot more money than I did, it was better to let him handle the finances.
Thankfully he hasn’t screwed me over by following through with his threats to keep my car and stuff. I know I’m only 23, I know I have a lot of life left in me but it’s not feeling like that right now. Im still in shock about everything and definitely in denial.
I know I’ll be okay eventually, but this has screwed my whole perspective of love up. My life has took a full turn from what should’ve been the happiest moment of my life. I’m bitter, I think about what if I would’ve done something different, maybe then he wouldn’t have done all this, and I keep making excuses for him.
In some type of way I’m glad i know who he truly is now, it sickens me to know that I almost had kids with him and he would’ve let me go through my whole life keeping his cheating past a secret from me.
I don’t know how men like this can sleep peacefully at night after completely ruining peoples lives. It’s shocking how many of you have went through something similar. I’m so sorry to those who’ve been through a heartache like this.
It’s made me laugh about how you guys are trying to create revenge plans for me, I really appreciate it but I’m going to let everything rest. Mostly because it would hurt me more if I did take revenge.
People have let me know his nice gestures were the bare minimum, but I’ve never seen anyone do things like that. My mother and father were divorced, so I’ve never seen love displayed like that.
I thought it was something that only happened in hallmark films. Thank you all for your kind messages and comments. I read all of them and it’s helped me throughout all this. I hope you guys have an amazing day, thanks for everything.
Readers continued to weigh in on the updates:
ilovetab writes:
Oh, wow, I just read this whole thread, and honey, I'm sending you some good, happy, healing vibes.
You know, Sarah actually did you a favor by ruining your wedding. Because of that, you found out before years went by, before you might have brought children into this marriage. Thank goodness that didn't happen & you found out.
I'm sure your ex did love you & may actually believe that what he did was really not such a big deal cuz it was high school & in the past, but what he doesn't seem to understand is that by cheating with Sarah, he was lying to you the whole time. And he knew you didn't know.
Saying that it didn't count cuz you were kids in high school is lame. Cheating in a relationship is cheating.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. You just get some rest, some perspective, and don't let this ruin love for you. Best of luck & good wishes to you.
gaymetladydrag writes:
It's going to feel like your heart is being ripped open and torn out for a while; you might even start to feel better and have setbacks.
Sure, 23 is young and you'll move forward when you're ready, but who you are and what you feel right now is very valid. It sucks, but you did and are doing the right thing.
You can't have a good relationship with someone if the foundation is built on lies. You're going to come out of this knowing more about yourself, what you want in a spouse, and what boundaries you will carry forward.
I hope you'll seriously consider finding a good licensed counselor for all the rough patches. Having a sounding board will be cathartic, and it will help you prioritize yourself and the good things you're going to bring with you out of this bad situation.