Bridesmaid with flat feet asks if she's 'selfish' for refusing to wear 6-inch heels.
We've heard of brides asking their bridesmaids to cover up their tattoos, get matching tattoos, dye their hair or wear wigs...but what about creating a potential medical emergency for your aesthetic?
So, when a conflicted bridesmaid decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about an annoying wedding shoe requirement, people were ready to roast the bride.
AITA for refusing to wear heels as a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding?
My (24F) friend 'Abby' (25F) is getting married and I could not be more happy for her. About a month ago, I was asked to be a bridesmaid, alongside 5 other girls and I accepted. We didn't hear any details until recently.
Last week, Abby invited us over to her home for a 'bridesmaid meeting' where she went over her expectations for us. During this, she went over the dress code: long black dresses with nude heels. Cool, I can do that. However, things took an unexpected turn.
Abby said that what she wanted, in terms of the look of the bridal party, was that she wanted to look the shortest, compared to the rest of us. Meaning that we were all required to wear heels that would make us look taller than her.
For reference, the other girls in the bridal party are either already taller than her, roughly the same height as her, or slightly shorter than her. I am the shortest out of the entire group. Abby is 5'6 and I am 5'1, meaning that in order to meet her expectations, I would have to go out and buy 6 inch heels.
Here is where this becomes a problem. I have Pes Planus, more commonly known as flat feet. My feet don't have arches on them. Because I don't have proper supports on my feet, they strain easily and cause muscle cramps, specifically if I'm not wearing proper shoes and standing too long with them.
Both my doctor and a podiatrist that I had seen recommended that when it comes to heels, I stick to the 1-2 inch range, which I do.
Occasionally, I will do 3 inches, if I'm going to be sitting down for longer periods of time. There is no possible way I could do 6 inches. In addition to this, I also have mild bunions on both feet, so I would have to find a wider heel.
The frustrating thing is that Abby knows this. I've talked about it. She's seen it. I went up to her later and expressed my concerns, and asked if I could wear 3 inch heels instead due to my feet. She refused and said that if I was a true friend, I would wear the 6 inches and not make a fuss about it.
She also said I was being selfish by not considering 'what the bride wants.' I then asked her if I could change shoes during the reception. She said no, and that the only time I we could take off our shoes was when we were sitting down, but whenever we were standing, we would have to wear the heels, since she wants to look the shortest the entire day. I was mortified.
When I expressed my frustrations to the rest of my bridesmaids, most of them were understanding and thought that her rule was weird, but a few said that I was being kinda selfish, and not considering the bride's happiness, and I should be able to go through 'a little bit of pain' for her.
Now I'm conflicted and wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut. I am considering dropping out as a bridesmaid, but I'm worried how Abby would react. AITA?
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this wedding drama. Here's what people had to say:
[deleted] said:
NTA. Bail. I have a similar foot condition, it's not 'a little bit of pain' — it is excruciating and I literally can't walk twenty feet without supports. And if I do, it hurts for the next 36 hours.
[deleted] said:
NTA. She can set the dress code, she cannot force you to be a bridesmaid. Don't waste your breath trying to explain it to her. Just flat out, 'Due to my health condition I cannot wear such high heels for that amount of time, so I will have to bow out as a bridesmaid. I would still love to attend as a guest, if you'll still have me.'
She's showing she's not a very good friend, so I wouldn't count it as a loss if she says no.
No-Personality5421 said:
Nta. I'd drop out of I were you. If she has an image in her head of what she wants the pictures to look like, she should hire models, not demand friends do physically painful things for a photo album that will get tossed in a box to collect dust by the end of the year.
phoenix_ekawa said:
NTA. If she is a real friend, she would consider your pain more important than her 'picture perfect looks'. Stand your ground and let her know you can't do this, and state what you can do. If she doesn't agree, state that you are fine with not being bridesmaid. Let her choose.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bridesmaid isn't wrong to refuse to wear heels as physical suffering shouldn't be a requirement of your bridal party. Weddings are for celebrating love...not for pretending to be shorter than you really are. Good luck, everyone!