Bridesmaid refunds 'Debbie Drama' for bachelorette after she 'ruined' wedding; AITA?

By now, everyone should know the code of conduct of wedding etiquette written-in-rose-gold-tears: don't wear white, don't propose to your plus-one or announce a pregnancy, and don't black out on signature cocktails and start a family fight...

So, when a conflicted bridesmaid decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a canceled bachelorette party and a major faux pas, people were ready to judge.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for refunding the girl who ruined my best friends wedding?

Hello! So, I was a bridesmaid in a wedding months ago. The bride was pregnant so we didn’t have a bachelorette party and instead, planned one post-baby. The girls Venmo’d me their part. We paid for the bride’s share so she paid zero.

Backstory, there were 5 bridesmaids. One of them, let’s call her Debbie Drama brought her boyfriend as a plus one. He was neither there for the bride or the groom.

This wedding was absolutely gorgeous, in a vineyard, open bar, bride and groom paid for the bridal and groomsmen’s hotel for the weekend and a wine tour for us and our plus ones including their family aka BIG MONEY.

We got there on a Friday, wedding on Sunday, checkout Monday. Debbie and boyfriend were both there the whole weekend.

Well come wedding day, Debbie’s boyfriend gets everybody’s attention right after bride’s dad made a heartfelt speech, and uses that time to propose to Debbie. TACKY TACKY CRINGE CRINGE.

Everyone was shocked and furious, which is obviously justified. B&G have a verbal altercation with Debbie and Debbie’s boyfriend and tell them to check out and leave mid wedding. They’re no longer friends, still.

So back to the bachelorette weekend. I get a call saying the trip has been canceled and I’m getting a refund and credits for future use. I forwarded the email to the 5 bridesmaids and bride, so they can read about it.

I get a call from the bride furious that I’m giving Debbie her money back and travel credits. I told her I’d be giving Debbie back her money but not credits. She says I shouldn’t give her anything because she ruined her wedding.

I technically blame her boyfriend and not Debbie per se but I also never liked Debbie so it’s whatever to me. I told the bride she doesn’t get a say in this because she’s not paying for the trip.

The bride almost feels like her and her husband are due the money, although she hasn’t directly asked for it. There’s definitely an implication though. I have no clue what the right thing to do is but I’m going to give Debbie back her money. Does that make me an ahole?

p.s. worth it to say, Debbie hasn’t tried to reach out to any of us, or asked me about the trip since the wedding.

Later, she edited to post to include:

EDIT: a couple things worth mentioning. Debbie was not in on the proposal but she is not remorseful. Debbie told the bride and groom that (this isn’t verbatim but close to what she said) “you guys should be proud and flattered that you got to be apart of my proposal instead of being selfish C*NTS.”

After he proposed, she instructed the photog to take pics, then pulled him out into a vineyard thing to take pictures of them as an engagement shoot. The B&G had to pull them aside and tell them how tacky what they were doing was. They argued then they ended up asking them to leave.

It’s also worth it to note that Debbie is the groom’s step sister. They are not close at all the parents got married when they were adults. Debbie was good friends with the bride in childhood and the bride asked her to be a bridesmaid in good faith since she was marrying her step brother.

Also, we jokingly said, as penance, we should all show up to Debbie’s wedding in wedding dresses. what do you guys think?

Yikes...here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about the bachelorette budget drama:

coreysjill said:

NTA you should give Debbie her part of everything. The bride doesn’t get to financially punish Debbie because she’s mad. That’s just childish.

yor89 said:

Debbie paid for it so it’s fair to reimburse her. The bride doesn’t have a say in it despite her “ruined”(sure it could have left a mark but ruined is surely overkill) wedding.

The bride and everyone else could look at it this way. If you pay her back, you were honest and fair. It’s the easiest (and a relatively cheap) way to “buy” her out of your lives. Don’t spend to much energy on someone clearly so self centered.

Wars4w said:

NTA. Keeping Debbie's money is stealing. She may suck and deserve some bad karma, but if you did it like this you'd be crossing a line.

You're good to refund the money. I can't imagine how your friend is feeling, but she definitely needs a good friend right now to help her feel better.

EnderHegemon said:

NTA, it was still Debbie's money. If she found out that you stole her money (kept and don’t return), she can sue you. So what you did was absolutely correct.

Your friend need to get over it and move on. It was a great wedding with the exception of one thoughtless couple. It could have been much worse.

DreadGrrl said:

NTA. She paid for it, and she should be refunded. If the bride is looking to collect damages from Debbie for what transpired at the wedding, the bride should take it to small claims court.

Cerealbutter said:

NTA, I think you are handling everything perfectly fair. Props to you for keeping a level head about it.

Sparkyrock said:

NTA technically it’s her money, she’s owed it. Even if she sucks as a person. (Boyfriend is in included so they both suck by proxy).

If you enjoy a peaceful ending, she provided a wholesome update:

Thank you guys! Money has been returned, all is right with the world. I showed the bride some of this thread and she’s no longer upset about me giving the money back.

She realizes she overreacted a tad. They all decided to be the bigger people and then cut Debbie and her douche out of their lives. She gave them the photos.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bridesmaid wasn't wrong to refund the shunned and newly engaged ex-friend. It's only fair that she should get her money back, and her feud with the bride is for them to sort out themselves. Good luck, everyone!