'AITA for not buying a bridesmaid’s dress for my friend's wedding?'
"AITA for not buying a bridesmaid’s dress for my friend's wedding?"
I 25F have a friend Ava 25F. She is getting married and asked me to be her bridesmaid and I agreed. Her theme for bridesmaids was a sunset, so she asked us all to wear yellow/orange/pink dresses to match the theme.
I went to my brother’s wedding a few years ago and my SIL’s bridesmaid theme was a yellow dress. It is a beautiful dress and was very expensive for me as a college student. My brother agreed to pay more than half which made it a lot more affordable but that dress isn’t wearable outside of special occasions and I’ve only worn it once outside the wedding.
I told Ava I had a dress for her wedding when we were out with a friend and my friend asked oh is it the one you wore for SIL’s and brothers wedding? So I said yeah and showed them a picture of me in the dress.
Ava then said she would want me to get a new dress for her wedding as I’ve worn my yellow one before and people have seen it. I was confused by this as even if people have seen it it doesn’t matter?
My SIL was the year above me in school so we do share mutual friends that I saw at her wedding and some of them will be at Ava’s wedding but I don’t want to buy a brand new dress. Bridesmaid dresses are expensive and I don’t get wear out of them afterwards so they sit in my closet.
I haven’t been to many weddings though, only my brothers that I remember and a few cousins when I was much younger so maybe this is some wedding etiquette that I need to brush up on?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Llink3483 said:
NTA. Why on earth would it matter than you have worn it before it's not like people are going to look back in years to come and think "Oh what a beautiful wedding, shame the bridesmaid re-wore their dress from a previous wedding."
ItallstartswithOne said:
The irony here is that even if you don't wear this dress, nothing is stopping any of the other bridesmaid from selecting the dress themselves and wearing the same one since it does fit the agreed on parameters.
NTA - the bride is being crazy. The bridesmaid dresses aren't matching by her own directions, so as long as they fit what she asked for theyre all going to look the same together anyway in pictures. This is a silly waste of money to get another. People always think just bc their wedding is a big in their own life, that somehow it's a big deal in everyone else's...and it's not.
If she's this crazy and inconsiderate of your finances, is she even a friend you really want to have? If you aren't very close, I'd tell her this is the dress you can afford and look like you belong at the wedding in, and if she's this nuts then you can not be in the wedding.
If she's your best friend or someone you can't see not having in your life then maybe take it to a tailor and change the length and/or the top straps/sleeves/neckline.
ColdstreamCapple said:
NTA. If Ava wants her bridesmaids in expensive dresses then that’s her choice but if she knows you are on a limited income then she should be paying for it. If she continues to pressure you maybe you need to reconsider being in her bridal party.
love-boobs-in-dm said:
NTA, especially seeing the dress actually adheres to the color scheme.
RHND2020 said:
NTA no one will remember the dress from a previous wedding. People just don’t care that much about other people’s weddings.
PepperJacs said:
NTA but as a compromise is it possible to slightly alter the look so it’s not the exact same? Adjust the height, add a slit, change the straps?