I (37f) was to be a bridesmaid for my cousins wedding this upcoming summer. She won't invite her toxic parents which I fully supported; but there were a few idiots in the family who thought she should let them come because "family" and "let bygones be bygones," they gave her c-ptsd so I always fully supported her.
Someone gave her parents the time, date and location of the wedding (her stepbrother told her they knew and planned on showing up but wouldn't reveal who told them).
So she changed the wedding venue and date; however since she wasn't sure who did it and didn't want them to find out again she went "hunting for a rat" so to speak and gave 5 different faux locations to 5 different "suspects" I ended up being one of them. The idea being wherever the parents thought the new location would be shed figure out who told.
Turned out the real rat was our aunt. She told me and the others the truth that we "passed the test" and apologized but had to sniff out a rat. I was deeply hurt she suspected me, I've been close with her my entire life and have never done anything to betray her trust and am very hurt for being accused of something I didn't do. I told her I'm resigning as a bridesmaid and won't be attending but will send a gift.
She says I'm being unfair, she's traumatized and had to sniff out who the rat was, the only other option was to either uninvite the whole family or risk a panic attack on her wedding day (she said this when I suggested hiring security) if she saw them.
I said I understand but am deeply hurt to have been treated as a bad guy when I never betrayed her trust ever nor done anything wrong in my life to her, I've been nothing but a good and loyal friend/cousin and to learn she doesn't trust me deeply hurt.
Queen_Sized_Beauty said:
YTA. She only gave the original details to those she trusted. How was she supposed to know who she could trust when the info leaked? I'm sure she thought she was close to her aunt and could trust her? Why do you think she should have trusted you more than other people? She has literally been traumatized by her parents. She did nothing wrong here.
txangel1019 said:
Yikes, YTA, none of this was about you but you made it that way. It’s understandable your feelings were hurt. But she was 100% valid in what she did because of the hell she’s been through. She has been let down continuously by family. And here you are proving that once again by jumping the pew pew.
Broad_Woodpecker_180 said:
YTA. Firstly you did accept the role. Also you don’t think she was super hurt? She knew it had to be someone who was close who she trusted. This saying she knew you are very close. You can be sad but you’re not truly seeing it from her perspective.
PravinI123 said:
Yta…she knew it was a close relative who told her parents and she was trying to figure out who. It’s ok for you to feel hurt. She told you the truth and apologized for suspecting you. She’s been traumatized that someone close to her did this. You say you understand but it certainly seems like you do not.
AriasK said:
Gentle YTA. It's understandable that you're hurt. You didn't do anything wrong and you were a suspect. You probably feel that, due to your love for her, it would be obvious it wasn't you. The thing is though, someone in her life, that she thought she could trust, who she thought loved and cared about her DID betray her trust.
So, from her point of view, there's a group of people she thought she could trust and it turns out she can't trust one of them. She has no way of knowing which person it is from that group. She didn't outright accuse you. She didn't even necessarily think it was you. But, she knew it was someone, so she used process of elimination to figure it out.
xpoisonvalkyrie said:
YTA. This isn’t about you. you aren’t a victim here. your cousin was betrayed by someone close to her, and she needed to protect herself. if anything, you being included shows how important you are to her. you’re being ridiculous and self-centered about this, and you’re going to ruin your close relationship with your cousin. stop being a brat.