'I broke up with my heart surgeon BF over his mom's comments on me being a nurse. AITA?' UPDATED

"AITA? I broke up with my heart surgeon bf over his mom's comments on me being a nurse."

I am 27f and I am a nurse. I make good salary as private nurse for firm, which provides care for rich families. (Six figures in my country, not USA). I am proud of my career. I wanted to be doctor, when I was teen, but it wasn't possible for my family to provide me medical education and at that time I felt self hate to be nurse.

But by age of 20, I became a nurse. But now I love it. This job has made possible for me to buy my own house, car and travel outside the country. Good pension plan and other savings. I can raise a family on my own income. I have / had a boyfriend say Rob 28m, who is into heart speciality and we felt in love during hospital visits. He was the one to pursue me. He is soon going to be heart surgeon.

His mom has always made passive aggressive comments about me being a nurse. We got engaged recently. And all of his relatives were at family dinner party, held by Rob's parents last week. So his mom and aunts at dinner table joked around that a heart surgeon like Rob can get any female doctor as wife.

Rob took offense and said Nia (me) is very much independent and makes a good salary herself to take care of whole family. But his mom went on. I have had enough. I have respect for housewives but this time I fired back. I said his mom and aunts all are gold digging house wives, with no life skills outside raising kids.

They live on their husbands money who are rich. Some of them started crying. And started shouting. Everyone including Rob asked me to apologise. I broke up on spot. And said I will not sell my self respect for his family. I rather marry a normal man than a surgeon, whose family doesn't respect me. I left and Rob is begging for a chance.

I know he tried to silent his mom. But I don't see the future. I see a lifetime of taunts, and I can't ask him to cut off his parents. Which he won't do anyways. My parents are saying , he is a good catch and to ignore his mom's comment. But money isn't everything and social status isn't everything. I don't wanna be looked down upon. But I miss him and it is breaking my heart.

Edit. More to add. He has tried to stop their comments whenever I told him it bothered me. He said try to ignore and whenever he tried arguing with them, they said it is just joking and he shouldn't disrespect elders. Also after marriage , we would have shifted to house next door. I would never have peace in my life I realized. He will never cut them off nor I will force anyone. It's better to end.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Verasultry wrote:

Girl you chose you and I respect that heavy. Like yeah love is cute and all, but not when it comes with a side of disrespect from the in-laws buffet.

You don’t sign up for a lifetime of microaggressions just to be someone’s “respectable nurse wife” when you’re already out here thriving. His mom acting like you’re some peasant for not being a doctor, meanwhile you’re out here making six figs, traveling, owning property??

Be serious. And Rob might be a sweetheart, but if he can’t put his mom on mute when she’s coming for your whole existence, then what’s the point? You didn’t lose a heart surgeon, you dodged a future group chat full of backhanded compliments and “when are you going back to school?” vibes. You’re the prize. Always were. Keep the crown on.

JunePlum79 wrote:

NTA. Don’t take him back because if this is how his family treats you and you’re not even married yet, imagine what would happen if you actually married him. He doesn’t have a spine and allowed his family to disrespect and bully you and then had the nerve to tell you to apologize to them. You dodged the bullet on this one. Move on with your life and don’t look back!

LlamaDramaQueen wrote:

So let me get this straight: his mom thinks he can do better than a six-figure earning nurse? Maybe she should consider applying for the role of 'Family Drama Queen' instead.

OP responded:

I don't wanna boast but I make on par and even better than some non surgey doctors. But I am a nurse and that is what bothers her.

Tremenda-Carucha wrote:

F#$ yeah NTA, I can imagine his mom's passive-aggressive comments would drive me nuts too! Like, if she has a problem with you as an engaged woman, what makes her think it'll magically stop after you're married?

Some people just don't know when to keep their mouth shut and mind their own business...silly me, I guess I'm still naive enough to believe in fairy tales where the wicked stepmother (or MIL) turns into a supportive partner once the wedding bells chime. But hey, at least you stood up for yourself and your hard-earned career, don't let anyone make you feel less than what you are!

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

Rob and I met after that event few days after I made the original post. He came to my place to discuss. My brother was there. But I send him to other room before Rob came and he didn't know my brother was there. I just wanted to be secure. He cried and I cried too.

But I told him the only way it is possible for me to get with him is that we have to shift far from his parents and limited contact from my side with his family and our future kids. He said it isn't possible and his family will be great support system for us. He told he will make huge amount of money and I can continue part time when we have kids, as he will pay me around my salary to spend.

My independence is something I value and I refused. I told him that his mother will not raise my kids and I won't leave my job. He got angry and our discussion became heated. And in anger. He slapped me hard and literally ripped my shirt when he held my arm. I am 5'9 woman, but a six feet muscle man made me realize how weak I felt physically at that moment.

I called my brother out and when he saw blood from my nose and ripped shirt. He lost it and beat Rob to a pulp, so I had to stop him. In the end, we called his family and the authorities got involved. It was decided he won't press charges if I don't because it will ruin his career and I also wanted no trouble for my brother.

But I have restraining order in process

The relationship is all over. My love went to zero with that slap of his. His mother begged me not to file charges.

Anyways thanks internet for opening my eyes. I never knew my ex was like this before this incident. Because he never raised hand on me. If my brother wasn't there, I don't know what could've happened to me. I got camera installed couple of days back. Though I will sell this house and buy a house in my parents neighbourhood.

This is finished chapter of my life and I will not date someone for months. I am going to three weeks trip to Europe this summer and want to heal my heart and soul.

This is my final update. Thank you.

The comments kept coming.

Careless-Image-885 wrote:

NTA. Thank heavens you found out how ab#$ive he is. I'm sorry that you were injured.

You should file charges. Go scorched earth. Tell him that he can thank his mother.

Secret_Double_9239 wrote:

Wish your brother hadn’t beat him up because your ex deserved criminal charges that would ruin his life. Happy you’ve left him though.

Orsombre wrote:

You made the right choice, OP. A slap is a one too much. Thanks God your brother was there to protect you for more harm! Just make sure that you gather evidence about the slap, etc. Just in case you need to press charges later. I hope that Rob has no power on your career. Take good care of yourself, OP! Big hugs from Europe (France)!

Extension_Pianist280 wrote:

Utter insanity your partner is bad just like his family, sorry for this hope you accidentally fall in love with a European Guy that treasures you, and most importantly that you fall for yourself because you deserve more than he ever could’ve been truly. He lost a gem.