'AITA for telling my sister that she and her baby have to move out soon?'
"AITA for telling my sister that she and her baby have to move out soon?"
I (27M) have a sister Alexis (25F) and a fiancée Sophie (26F). Alexis gave birth to my nephew last year. She wasn’t with the father of the baby so she’s always known that she’d be raising the baby on her own for the most part.
The father comes around to look at the baby and leave. He pays child support but they agreed on the amount themselves before the baby even got here, and that amount is not nearly enough to raise a child.
When Alexis was 2 weeks post partum, she said she was having it really hard and couldn’t do this on her own anymore. Our parents' house is completely full because our other siblings still live there, so she can’t go there. She asked if she can come and stay with me for a few weeks till she recovers and finds her footing with motherhood.
Initially I thought there was no way Sophie would be willing to host Alexis and the baby for an indefinite amount of time but Sophie said she feels horrible for Alexis and would feel guilty if we didn’t do all we could to help her. So Alexis moved in… nearly 10 months ago now.
Neither of us expected her to stay this long, but whenever we’d have a discussion with Alexis about whether she was planning on finding a place and going back to work, she’d rant about how hard motherhood is and how she cannot fathom adding something else to her plate.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand her. My nephew is very fussy and doesn’t sleep well. But Sophie and I cannot keep living like this. We’ve had to adjust every aspect of our lives to accommodate her and my nephew. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, so we set up a bed and everything else in the living room for them.
She asked us to put up a curtain so she can at least get some privacy and we did. So we haven’t had a living room for 10 months. We’ve been eating, relaxing, and everything else in our bedroom. We can’t cook or so much as get a snack when the baby is asleep because there’s only a curtain separating them and the kitchen.
We considered giving her and my nephew the bedroom but Sophie works from home and her entire work set up is in our room. She also can’t take work calls in the living room where someone might interrupt her.
Anyway I could go on and on about how horrible this living arrangement has been but we’ll be here all night. I sat Alexis down and asked her whether or not she is making a solid plan to get a job and move out soon. She said she would never be able to afford paying rent if she works part time.
We brainstormed ideas but nothing was good enough for her. Eventually I told her that she needs to start looking for a solution now because this has gone on long enough. I said I’d help in any way I can but it’s been almost a year of this and we cannot carry on like this.
She’s saying that she won’t ever make enough to pay rent, bills, and for daycare as a single mom. I suggested that she get more child support from the dad and take him to court if he refuses. She wasn’t fond of the idea because she thinks it’ll make him not want to see his son and she doesn’t want her son to grow up without his father.
I told her if she doesn’t want to take any of my suggestions but also not think of any herself, then I’m giving her an ultimatum to get a job and move out by April 2024. She said that isn’t enough time and I’m basically going to kick them both out into the streets. I said I will help her in any way I can but I want to move on with my life and my fiancée, and I cannot do that with this current situation. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FAFO-13 said:
NTA. She had months to make changes and figure this out and was probably counting on being able to freeload off you indefinitely. You need to get her out of your home.
murphy2345678 said:
NTA. Put it in writing. Give her an eviction notice and text her to confirm your conversation. She is using you and your fiancée. Your fiancee deserves better than she is getting. This could be a reason she leaves you. Get your sister out.
Individual_Noise_366 said:
NTA. You're giving her too much time. And if she finds a job I guarantee she will expect that your fiance takes care of the baby since she works from home. Time to tell your sister to go now. She's not going to the streets, she's going back to your parent's house.
You need to think about you and your fiance future, making her pay to have your lazy sister doing nothing all day is not right. Having a baby can be very difficult, but it was your sister decision and in the end of day the person she should be asking for help is the father of the baby not you.
Strict_Librarian1683 said:
NTA. You are not responsible for your sister, I understand you’ve been trying to help along with your fiancée because she’s in a vulnerable situation, however she’s 25 years old! She’s had 10 months to make a suitable plan for herself and her baby.
This is impacting your entire life, especially your partner who works from home. Your sister wanted to be grown enough to have a child by herself, she needs to provide for that lifestyle herself. The father doesn’t want to be a father already so taking him to court for the correct amount of child support won’t do anything but affect her and her child in a positive way.
Altruistic-Bunny said:
10 months in a one bedroom! You and your fiance are saints. You have given her plenty of support. Your sister may be waiting for the "perfect" time to move and get a job...like when your nephew turns 50. NTA. Time to evict or you and your fiance move at the end of your lease.
RNGinx3 said:
NTA. This is why you don't let them move in without a solid move-out date (preferably in writing). I get that it's hard. I get that sometimes, you have to wait for availability. But she's not even trying.
Tell her she can apply for government benefits (WIC, food stamps, etc) and she needs to take her ex to court for sufficient child support. But, that if ultimately she can't support this baby or find another alternative, maybe she needs to put it up for adoption, because she can't live off of you indefinitely.
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
NTA. She has to go to court for an official child support and custody arrangement. The dad is not going to come around and marry her if that is her fantasy. She can move in with your mom, but she has to leave. You will need to give her an eviction notice. She won't make this easy for you.