'AITA for being very angry with my younger brother for what he said about my girlfriend?' UPDATED
"AITA for being very angry with my younger brother for what he said about my girlfriend?"
I (M22) have being dating my girlfriend (F21) for 4 years and I love her about as much as it's possible to love anyone, I honestly melt inside at just the thought of her. My girlfriend speaks with a stutter which I know she is self conscious about.
Yesterday I was chilling at home with my girlfriend (I live at home but she had come to visit) and at the same time my brother who is 16 had some friends over and they were playing video games in his room. I also have a sister who is 18.
My girlfriend went to the bathroom and when she came back she was crying, when I asked her why she was crying she told me that on her way back from the bathroom she was walking past my brother's room and she overheard him saying to his friends that I had the "stupid girl who doesn't know how to speak" with me and that he doesn't know why I would be with "a weird girl who can't talk properly".
I am very angry about this and after my girlfriend had gone home I immediately told my parents about what my brother had said. My parents just said that my brother is 'just a kid' and they called my girlfriend 'too sensitive' and claimed that it wasn't a big deal. I absolutely lost my temper with my parents as well as my brother who I called a 'nasty disrespectful pig'.
I then went to my girlfriend's house and stayed with her (and her cats) because I was so angry with my parents. My parents have been texting me saying I'm overreacting and continuing to say my brother is just a kid.
Here's what people had to say after his initial post:
A very rude kid that makes fun of people for something they can’t help. This rude kid will turn into an adult a^%$ole with parents like that.
Aww that's nice, your parents enabling their ar@e^%le 16 year old son to be a nasty piece of work. You're right to be pissed with him & them! They should be knocking that on the head; he's old enough to know better 😡 You're not the AH here, but your family (minus sis?) are & should be ashamed of themselves
My sister honestly looked like she was ashamed at our parents and brother.
Your brother IS a kid, and childhood years are for making mistakes and learning consequences. I’m sorry your parents reacted the way they did because it sounds like they make excuses for him and not preparing him for adulthood. I doubt you’ll change them so do what you think it’s right.
It’s sounds like for now the consequence for your brother is an altered relationship with you. I would express to your parents that 16 is closer to adult than child and you’re very disappointed at your brother but more so their reaction.
Also, I don’t mean to stir the pot but is it possible your parents brushed it off because he’s echoing stuff they say? Btw mom of 22 and 18yo so semi-expert 😂 NTA
If my parents have been talking about her like that then I'm moving out permanently
You need to learn consequences as a kid, when your actions are relatively minor (usually) and don't have life-altering effects. They learn now, from people who love them and care about them, or they learn later from a world that dgaf about them.
My favorite is when parents say “he’s just a kid, he doesn’t know any better.” I always want to ask them whose job it is to teach kids things they don’t know…
As someone with a moderate stutter, this is just another Wednesday for us.
9 days later OP came back with this update:
Thank you for all your comments on my original post. When I had calmed down, I took some of the advice I had received in the comments and I approached my brother to talk to him calmly about what he said and my girlfriend decided to come with me.
Anyway my brother did apologise to both of us. We asked him to explain honestly why he said it, my brother admitted that he was trying to look cool in front of his 'friends'. My brother also told us that these same 'friends' had been teasing him for not having a girlfriend after the girl he asked out rejected him.
I asked if he was jealous of me because I have a girlfriend and he admitted that he was jealous, especially after he got teased after being rejected.
Anyway me and my girlfriend discussed the situation with my brother and we explained to him that these boys are clearly not true friends judging by the way they are acting. We further explained to him that he shouldn't feel like he has to act cool to impress people and we also reminded him that saying mean things about someone is definitely not cool.
We advised my brother to stick up for himself and to not hang out with these people who tease him, and that he should report them if it gets worse.
My brother did apologise to me and my girlfriend. Some people in the comments suggested he might have heard my parents commenting on the way my girlfriend speaks however my brother insisted that this is NOT the case, I don't know whether to believe him about that or not.
After the chat we had with my brother, I told my parents about how disappointed I was with them and about how me and my girlfriend had just done what they should have. I am extremely disappointed in my parents as I really trusted them to be better than this and unfortunately things have not changed with them.
My parents were angry with us for talking to my brother about this and they claimed we were both overreacting, I made it clear to my parents that actually they are under reacting. I told my parents that they should be thanking us for doing the job that they can't be bothered to do.
Unfortunately my sister has been having some trouble with my parents because she tried to talk to them about this situation.
Because of the way that my parents are acting I am going to move in with my girlfriend (and her cats) permanently. Tomorrow I am taking my girlfriend on a surprise vacation for valentine's day as I know my girl loves a nice surprise. In a couple of weeks, when we get back from the vacation I will move in with her and my sister is also moving in with us.
Me and my girlfriend have both told my sister that when we move in together she is welcome to come as my girlfriend's place has a spare room and my sister was very eager to accept the offer to get away from our parents.
My girlfriend and my sister are very close and honestly act like sisters themselves so the three of us living in the same place will be great. My girlfriend also assured my brother that she forgives him and he is still welcome to visit.
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
Good end to the story. You sound way more mature than your own parents.
As a woman who is old enough to be your mother I’m so happy you raised yourself to be a mature, morally sound man. Your parents didn’t do this job and I would just love to have a conversation with your parents and b-sl%p back to their mothers.
I hope you older family members that can advocate for you. Your parents will be very lonely when they get older. When they cry nobody is visiting them please tell them they are overreacting and should just get over it.
Your parents are reacting that way because they are the ones who have been s^%$ talking about your GF when you’re not around. Your brother denied it but it’s obvious.
It does seem like it unfortunately 😞 If that is the case I hope my brother will trust us enough to tell us that eventually.
Oh, my brother! I'm hugging you and your girlfriend so hard, probably from across the ocean. You are a gem in a world where 30-40 year old people can't stand up to their toxic families and be there for their partners. You don't seem to need advice but living with a partner in the same house is always a challenging thing.
Especially in the beginning. Remember to communicate openly, respect each other's space, share tasks inside and outside the home in a balanced way. Good luck to all of you!❤️