'AITA for changing the locks after my brother’s 'situationship' moved herself into my house and tried to redecorate?!'
"AITA for changing the locks after my brother’s 'situationship' moved herself into my house and tried to redecorate?!"
Alright, I need to know if I finally lost it or if I was way too patient for way too long. I (29F) bought my house last year. It is small, cozy, nothing too extravagant, but it is mine.
After years of roommates, side hustles, and saying no to anything fun, I finally had a place for just me and my Bernese Mountain Dog, Waffles. I dreamed about peace. Stability. Maybe even hosting book nights. Not... whatever the hell this is.
Six months ago, my younger brother Jake (26M) went through a rough breakup and lost his job around the same time. He called me sobbing at 1 AM, and I did the big sister thing. I told him he could crash in my guest room for a couple of months to get back on his feet.
Spoiler alert: he never got back on his feet. He has been lounging around ever since, sleeping until noon, playing video games, and somehow never having gas money or groceries.
Every conversation about “next steps” ends with him saying the job market is brutal and that he is “working on something big.” Whatever. Then two months ago, Jake brought home Tara.
Tara is not his girlfriend, according to him. She is his “creative partner” and “energy twin.” They met at a silent meditation circle behind a Whole Foods.
No, I am not kidding.
First time I meet her, I come home from work and she is in my bathtub, drinking my wine, burning my eucalyptus candle, calling out “Babe, bring me my charger.” Babe. Not even a hello.
Jake laughs it off and says she just needed “a night to crash.” Fine. It is one night. I let it go.
But it wasn’t one night.
Tara basically moved in. She started using my shampoo. Wearing my oversized sweatshirts like they were community property. Posting Instagram stories of herself on my couch, talking about “manifesting her new reality.”
Waffles, my poor dog, is terrified of her. She keeps trying to put weird herbal oils on him and calls him “the spirit animal of her awakening.” He literally hides under my bed when she is around.
The final straw? I came home one Friday to find Tara standing in the living room with paint samples taped all over the walls. She said she was “feeling called” to repaint the house a more “emotionally authentic palette.”
MY HOUSE.
At that point, something inside me just snapped. I told Jake that Tara needed to be out by Sunday night. No drama. No negotiation. Just gone.
He flipped out. Called me uptight. Accused me of “killing the vibe of the home” and said Tara had “nowhere else to go.” He begged for “one more week.” I said no. Sunday night rolled around. They were still there.
Monday morning, I called a locksmith. I gave Jake a heads-up text saying he had until 5 PM to leave. No response. I changed the locks at 5:01. Cue chaos. Jake went nuclear.
My phone blew up with messages from him and Tara calling me heartless and toxic. Then my mom called, furious that I had "put Jake and a homeless girl on the street." My dad said I should have “found a compromise.” Even my aunt texted me something about “family loyalty.”
For the record: Jake had been freeloading off me for six months. Tara had been here for two. Neither of them paid a single bill, bought a single grocery, or showed a shred of respect for the fact that this is my house.
My sanctuary. The place Waffles and I built for ourselves. So, AITA for finally kicking them both out and changing the locks? Because honestly, even after everything, a tiny part of me still feels guilty.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You gave your brother an inch and he took a mile. The final straw was her taking your clothes. I think you need to tell him to get a job and stop lounging around and don't let him guilt trip you into moving back in, because he will try that.
Energy twin powers, deactivated!
NTA and tell your family they are welcome to take them in if they care so much.
You are ABSOLUTELY NTA. You opened your home out of kindness, not to become a free Airbnb for your brother and some random girl who thinks your dog is her “spirit guide.” You gave them warning. You gave them deadlines. They CHOSE to ignore both.
This was simply about basic respect, for you, your home, and your boundaries. They acted like SQUATTERS. You acted like a homeowner. Good for you for protecting your peace. DO NOT second-guess yourself.
Find a compromise. Jake and Tara can live with your Mom and Dad. They think Jake needs a place to land, he and that woman he’s hanging with can land at your parents house or your aunt’s. But not at yours.
NTA. Take back your home. Let Waffles have their home back. Life‘s too short. One needs to be very careful with essential oils around pets. They cannot only make them sick, some of them if ingested can kill them. And what does an animal do when it has something on it coat? It licks it. It’s ingested. ETA: congratulations and good thinking on getting the locks changed. Excellent.
The minute a person causes my pets destress, they are no longer allowed in my home.
NTA... you did what any sane person would've done. Your brother and his "partner" clearly crossed lines, taking advantage of your hospitality, disrespecting your home, even trying to dope up your dog with hippie oils! They repainted your walls without asking, made themselves at home, and then the nerve to act indignant when you finally set boundaries!
Changing those locks was a tough call, but right one. Your home is yours, not theirs to trample over. At least Waffles can enjoy peace now without getting high on essential oils! You're doing just fine OP, focus on rebuilding your sense of self-respect and creating a home that suggests YOU.