'AITA for buying my boyfriend flowers after he mentioned most men only get them when they die?'
"AITA for buying my boyfriend flowers after he mentioned most men only get them when they die?"
Okay, so my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for about 5 months and it has been good so far, but about a week ago when I was at his apartment he told me that most men only receive flowers when they’re dead.
He then went on a bit of a rant about women not caring as much as men when it comes to their partners and then men want shows of affection too. I honestly took this all as a hint that he wanted flowers, so yesterday I went to Whole Foods and picked out all the flowers I thought he would like and put together a big bouquet for him.
I also got him a coffee, some chocolates and a few other things I thought he would like. I’ve done things like this before but minus the flowers. I usually put a game pass gift card or a lego set et. I feel like this important because I don’t want anyone to think I don’t show him affection or get him gifts I definitely do!!
So I show up to his apartment with literally the biggest smile. I was so excited for his reaction, but when I gave him the flowers he got a super uncomfortable look on his face and wouldn’t touch or kiss me at all.
I asked him what was wrong and if he liked the flowers and the just kind of blew up at me saying that flowers are only for apologizing and that if I cheated on him I needed to tell him right now.
I was shocked and started crying because I have never and would never cheat on anyone. He took the flowers to the kitchen and threw them in the trash which honestly felt like a huge punch in the gut.
He told me to get out of his apartment and that he didn’t have time for cheating witches (his words) every time I tried to explain he said he didn’t want my excuses and when I’m ready to tell him who the man is then I can talk to him then.
But there is no man. I didn’t cheat on him, I just thought he wanted flowers. I’ve never thought of flowers as just an apology. He’s never gotten them for me but I just thought he didn’t like showing love that way, so I buy them for myself every week.
I’m just so confused and hurt by his reaction and I don’t know what to do to fix the situation. So am I the AH for buying him flowers? Do women really only buy flowers as an apology?? I’m so confused.
EDIT!!!!
I’m completely overwhelmed by the responses and everyone is making me realize that he’s not worth my time at all. I tried to do something nice for him and he threw it back in my face.
I texted him and told him we need to talk and his response was “finally ready to confess or what” so that tells me he’s done no critical thinking on his end about the situation.
We are meeting for lunch tomorrow and will update everyone after. Thank you everyone for the kind reply’s and for opening my eyes to what and AH this guy is. I’m just glad I didn’t waste years of my time.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. There is literally zero possibility of anyone being the AH in this situation except HIM. The way he spoke to you is a warning about who he really is. LISTEN TO IT. Dump that loser, he very obviously is a (not very) covert misogynist, and blames women for self-induced pitfalls.
The hell? This dude is a major AH for sure, certainly NTA, I'd be over the moon to receive flowers, and this dude certainly sounded like he was asking for flowers without asking for them. This is either rage-bait, or your BF is just a total jerk for sure and showing his true colors.
I have never heard of women buying their partner flowers due to cheating. He apparently has serious anger and trust issues and it's good that you found out. NTA.
NTA. I think you know now the only reason HE would ever have bought you flowers. Bullet dodged.
NTA. He's either cheating/thinking about cheating and/or is just a paranoid AH. Either way, he should be dumped. Like, seriously, dump him. WTH.
NTA. Aha. His reaction was so immediate it's a huge red flag. Sounds like he's playing you, you aren't the only woman he's seeing and was looking for an excuse to push you out of the picture. Run far away from this one.
Quirky-Wait-7729 (OP)
I’ve had a few people say he’s projecting and I’ll be honest that didn’t even occur to me until I posted this. I thought he was just being very insecure/has trust issues but the comments are making me rethink everything.
I had to go to a funeral recently for a teenager, 16M. He never got any flowers until his funeral. And it hurts knowing that. NTA. You tried to do something nice for him.
NTA. Leave, stay gone. You did something nice and he went straight to accusations and threw you and your flowers both out. This is a huge red flag. I would be very concerned he's projecting. At the very least, he's been watching red pill BS somewhere. This child is not worth your time or your attention.
When he starts to drag you, just keep it honest, "I bought him a gift and he threw me out." Don't get defensive or try to explain yourself. Just stick to the simple truth. "I did something nice for him and he decided I was cheating." This type of AH attacks you to get you defending yourself so they can "win' the argument.
They do this by getting you to argue about what the fiction they create. Don't. Just stick to the truth. Don't engage in his pettiness. BTW, I would probably have to go and have a good cry if a woman bought me flowers. He is not wrong about that part. Remember this when you find someone with actual emotional maturity.