'AITA for buying myself a present for Father's Day with money I would normally have spent on gifts for my family?'
"AITA for buying myself a present for Father's Day with money I would normally have spent on gifts for my family?"
Frosty-Monitor8049
May and June are busy months for my family. My wife's birthday, all three of our adult children's birthdays, our anniversary, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. My wife is employed as are all of our kids.
For the last two years I have recieved nothing from any of them for our anniversary or my birthday. I'm a big boy and I earn enough to buy whatever I want so it's not really a big deal. But I noticed that they all buy gifts for each other. I just seem to be left out.
So this year, instead of getting them gifts, I got myself the Lego Millennium Falcon. It is something I have always really wanted but my parents couldn't afford when I was a kid.
I also bought a display table for it for my den. My wife approached me after I brought it home to say it was weird that I spent $1,000 on myself and didn't get anyone else a present.
I asked her what her or the kids got me last year for our anniversary, my birthday, or Father's Day. She couldn't remember. So I asked what they got me this year. She thought about it and realized I got nothing.
I wasn't really upset or anything. I just figured I would buy myself something. What's the difference between me spending $1,000 on gifts for them and then them spending $1,000 on me and me cutting out the middleman and just spending the money on myself.
She said that I was being childish and that if I had a problem I should have told them. I said that Star Wars isn't childish and that we were all adults and didn't owe each other gifts.
Now the kids are upset because I have decided to opt out of gift giving. I really don't understand the issue. Was I supposed to just keep giving forever. My parents stopped giving me gifts when I moved out.
I have kept it up for over ten years. And my wife buys herself whatever she wants with her salary so it's not like I can get her anything she couldn't get herself. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Antelope_31
Nta. I would give your kids a pass for the anniversary stuff, but bdays and Father’s Day is entirely different. And honestly that’s on you and your wife, it was mostly her job to instill in them that importance for honoring their dad, and they followed her lead of not considering you.
You primarily have a wife problem, the kids are grown and flown. If I was in your shoes, I would send heartfelt cards to everyone going forward, and that’s it. But don’t let your wife speak for you, tell your kids directly that you’ve been repeatedly ignored and it has hurt, but that you still love them and will always acknowledge the day they were born. And do that.
It does not need to be tied to material things, you already raised them. In our family, that’s everyone’s favorite part anyway- when people take the time to actually pick out or make a card, and include a special handwritten note from the heart, and may a favorite photo from the year or memory actually printed out.
It’s also worth noting that giving gifts that YOU choose because you were thinking of them- it doesn’t have to be a big thing- is a gift to yourself. Giving - especially not when someone expects it- is an amazing feeling you give you yourself as well as others.
I lost my dad and the small gifts he picked out himself just because he saw something he thought I would like, and was thinking just of me, are the ones I treasure most.
CrazyMath2022
Sorry but OPs birthday and Father's day is not on wife, it was to remind when they were minors but they are all adults, it's absolutely on "kids" to do this. On wife is that she didn't do (gifted) anything on those days herself but not to chase adult kids to give small attention/gift.
In any case OP NTA! My siblings and I are all over 40y.o. but still we all remember and give us parents attention and gifts for respective days!
TanKris67
Big nerd here - female aged 56 years. Star Wars is not childish. LOTR is not childish. I don't drink, don't smoke, rescue animals and fight cancer. That means I need a hobby for my own mental health and toys can be a hobby.
Good on you for doing something for yourself - it is always good to be good to yourself. You have been selfless for years and obviously family are now expecting you to keep giving constantly without anything coming your way.
Take time out for yourself! Be good to yourself! Buy yourself what makes you happy. As long as the bills are paid and you aren't indebting anyone else, then go for it. NTA.
TheDarkHelmet1985
Your wife and kids are mad because they realize you are right and that they look bad. They are gaslighting you to make you to blame for it when it was their actions which led to it. You aren't mad. There is nothing for them to be upset about. They can't expect gifts and then fail to return the favor year after year.
Even_Enthusiasm7223
Enjoy the LEGO set and then ask the kids why it's selfish for you to not give them gifts. But that they don't think of you and give you gifts on holidays either. Tell them now you know how I feel. Age has no preference for getting gifts. People like it.
Your attitude towards gifts is perfect and the simple thing is it's your money. Buy what you want. Enjoy the fun of building it. Displaying it and if the kids say, but what about our gift point to the millennial falcon and say here's your gift. Thank you. NTA.