'AITA buying my stepdaughter a used bridesmaid dress?' 'I’m spending about a grand on dresses.'

"AITA buying my stepdaughter a used bridesmaid dress?"

I’m getting married in December of this year. I am bringing 2 daughters into this marriage. They’re 8 & 12. My fiance has a daughter from a previous marriage as well, Kiki (15). All 3 girls are in my wedding party, with Kiki as a bridesmaid.

I’m letting all of my bridal party pick out their dresses, with the condition they’re all the same color and within a certain budget. I’m also paying for all of them. Kiki sent me a link to the dress she liked and I thought it was pretty. I planned on ordering it once I had the other members of the wedding party sending me what they wanted.

I was scrolling on Facebook one night and one of the buy/sell groups I’m apart of showed the dress that Kiki sent me. It was only used once in a wedding and is in perfect condition. You can’t even tell it was worn before. It also so happened to be in her size.

So, I figured it’d be cheaper to buy this as it’s a dress she’ll likely also wear once and never again. The dress new online is $200. The person was selling it for $50 and just wanted it gone. I’ve seen the dress in person. No stains, no smells. Truly a steal. So, I bought it.

When I told Kiki, she got mad and said she was the only one not getting a brand new dress. I pointed out I’m still getting her new shoes, accessories (again all of her choice), have alternations done to the dress as needed, she’ll have her hair and makeup done with us.

If I found any other member of the bridal party’s dress in a similar condition and cheaper price in a Facebook group or a thrift store, I’d buy it. As it is, I’m spending about a grand on dresses for the 5 members of my bridal party. If I can save a little money, I will.

Kiki wants me to buy her the brand new dress. I spoke with my fiance and he agrees with me. We told Kiki if she wants the dress brand new, she can pay the difference. She’s still upset with us. Other members of my husband’s family feels I’m being a cheap a$s and should just buy the dress new. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Doktor_Seagull said:

YTA. Your reasoning was totally sound. Weddings are expensive so save where you can. The dress you found is in like-new condition and the correct size. Like you said a total steal. Too late now but why did you inform Kiki you found it used? Did she really need to know? She obviously feels singled out by her stepmom to be.

Everyone else is getting a new dress, and she gets a used one. Then instead of seeing her position you tell her she can pay $150 to get a new dress. I get you are being practical, but this isn't a great start to fostering a good relationship between you and Kiki. You coldly disregarded her feeling excluded.

Laines_Ecossaises said:

YTA. You are thinking like an adult trying to save some money instead of a 15 year old. I mean you are leaning right into the Cinderella evil step-mother trope. Giving your 2 girls new things and she gets used, good-enough, thrifted clothes. I get the urge to save some bucks but you've made Kiki feel like she's less-than and that sucks and is a really crappy way to start a marriage and your step-parenting relationship.

AmateurExpert__ said:

YTA - not about the money, about the principle. In doing this (whether you say you would have done the same for your bio daughters or not) you’ve essentially said “you’re worth less than the the other two."

I get it, weddings are an expensive game, but this wasn’t the place to make a saving; consider the 150 as being an investment in equality throughout your blended family, you’re going to set the scene for how the family dynamic will work.

UnCertainAge said:

YTA, I’m afraid. Your logic is sound, but this is a time and an event full of emotion — logic is not your friend here. And asking Kiki to pay the difference for a dress for your wedding was really bad form.

Too late, but better to have asked her if she’d prefer a new dress, or the same dress worn once + the difference in cash. The argument that you’re buying her shoes, etc, etc doesn’t hold up because you’re doing that for your bio daughters.

Consider a redo — this dress is tainted. Tell Kiki you were wrong to choose practicality over feelings. Ask Kiki if she’d like to start fresh and find an entirely new dress.

Moonlight9642 said:

YTA - your daughters are getting NEW dresses which they will only wear 1 Time, so if you are so concerned about wasting money buy all used dresses or step up buy your Step daughter a brand New dress you cheap a^s. She should not have to pay anything.

Mandalabouquet said:

YTA, and stepparents wonder why they get a bad name… unless you’re planning to get the other kids second hand too then this was out of order.