'AITA for wanting to call off my wedding because my fiancé killed my plants?' UPDATED
"AITA for wanting to call off my wedding because my fiancé killed my plants?"
I have been away visiting my parents in a different city and I have 2 plants back home which are water propagated so basically he didn’t even have to water them, just keep their containers filled and he still let the water dry out and my plants died.
I’m genuinely so upset that I want to call off the wedding and he thinks that it’s not a big deal and that I’m overreacting over nothing. This isn’t the first time he’s done this and I forgave him last time because it was his first time taking care of a demanding plant but now he’s been seeing me grow these plants for the past 2 years yet he still didn’t care to keep the containers filled. ):
Here's what people thought:
NTA, him not respecting your things and feelings are a red flag. Because would he do this still after getting married? Would be fully contribute to housework? If you two have children, would he be an equal parent and do his part?
I mean, if this makes you not want to marry him then yeah man call off the wedding. Nobody should marry someone they don't want to marry even if it is for an unusual reason.
NTA
This is a great point. The fact that someone would consider calling off a wedding, for whatever reason, suggests that maybe the wedding shouldn’t take place.
Later OP came back with this edit/update:
Edit: Wow, i really didn’t expect this post to blow up like it did—thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and reading through the replies, I think I’ve unintentionally written one of the most polarising posts on this sub lol. I just want to clarify a few things.
I didn’t mean to imply that I’m going to make a huge decision like calling off the wedding instantly, I wrote this post in a moment of frustration and hurt and I felt so disrespected because I’ve put a lot of time and care into these plants and it felt like such a small simple thing to just keep the containers filled while I was away.
I’ll admit, this wasn’t just about the plants—it’s about what they represented (trust, care, effort) and it stung even more because it’s not the first time something like this has happened. I made this post because I felt unheard and wanted to vent about how I was feeling in the moment.
As of now, my fiancé did give me an overall apology and said he’d buy me new plants, but I’m still waiting for a proper meaningful apology where he truly acknowledges why this hurt me so much. I haven’t decided anything yet and I just need time to think and process everything. Again, thanks to everyone for sharing their perspectives—it’s given me a lot to think about.
After the update here's what people thought:
He wasn't willing to be the bare minimum in regards to something important to you and that you care about. And it's not the first time this has happened. And when you express your feelings, he belittles them and dismisses your upset. He has shown you this is who he is.
If you stay with him, this is the future. Who he is now is who he will be married. Get out now. This isn't about the plants - its a symptom of his indifference and disinterest in you and what makes you happy.
NTA I quote from OP’s comment. "he thought it was funny that they died"
So he did it on purpose ? To show you what's really important (to him) ?
Yes, you're right to call off the wedding, this guy just proved you that he is first and you second, that there's no partnership between you and that your feelings and opinions are not valid as long as they are not exactly the same as his !
They are just "plants" but it more the symbolic : what you cares for, he doesn't care. For a future husband, you're well being is most important. It was only two days, and I suppose it was a few minutes each day. Not taking care of them for hours ! What would it be with pets or children ?
People who told you that will be different with children, how could you believe them if they can't show you they are responsible for little things ?? Good luck, you'll find someone more mature.
100% this. It’s not about the plants alone. It’s the fact that he doesn’t care about her enough to do something so simple. That he’s not even sorry when she’s upset. This is a huge red flag and I’m sure not the only way his selfishness manifests.