'AITA for calling my husband selfish for eating a massive bowl of cereal?' 'Our kid got upset.'
"AITA for calling my husband selfish for eating a massive bowl of cereal?"
Our kid (6) has a favorite cereal which is a branded chocolate hoop cereal. When full price, it is 100% out of our budget and so we are almost never able to buy it and we buy her the cheap own-brand alternative (which she likes, but isn't anywhere near as good. But when it's 3x cheaper, you make do).
We went shopping a few weeks ago, and to my happiness they had two boxes of her preferred brand massively reduced to clear (making them cheaper than the own brand). So I bought them. She was THRILLED.
We've been gradually getting through it (I try to limit how much sugary cereal she has anyway so generally she'll have a bowl of shreddies or bran flakes or similar and put the chocolate cereal on top. She's happy to do this because it makes the cereal last longer). We just opened the second box a couple of days ago.
Well, this morning, my husband joined us for breakfast (normally he wakes before us and so has already eaten before we wake up). He then poured himself a HUGE bowlful of the chocolate cereal. I was stunned, and immediately asked him what he was doing, and was he seriously eating that much (here is where I am probably an ahole - I shouldn't have commented in front of our kid.
But he took me by surprise and I wasn't thinking). He shrugged and said yeah, that it was a "normal" amount of cereal to eat, he'd run out of "his" cereal, and it wasn't a big deal. He also said he'd done the exact same thing yesterday (having checked, I'd estimate he's had at least 1/3 of the entire box over those two bowls). I got annoyed and said that was unreasonable and kind of selfish.
While he has every right to eat as much food as he wants, and has every right to eat whichever cereal he wants, I think having a huge bowl of expensive cereal which was bought as a treat for our daughter is completely unreasonable. I asked him why on earth he couldn't have mixed it with cheap cereal to bulk out his bowl because this particular cereal is unaffordable usually.
He made a comment about that box being bought on offer so it wasn't expensive, and when I argued that it wasn't the point, that buying another box of it WOULD be expensive, he said "then we just won't buy another box."
Our kid got upset, and then my husband snapped at me for saying anything in front of her, that it was MY fault our kid was upset, and said that I had now ruined his day. He sulkily ate his gigantic bowl and then stormed off to our room in a huff.
(He also said that he earns most of "our" money so he can eat what he wants - yes, he earns more, but WE have an agreed upon food budget. If he wants to buy expensive cereal with his own money, then he can be my guest, but he spends his money on other things and this cereal came out of our family food budget). AITA for calling him out for eating so much?
EDIT:
Because a few people brought it up in the comments - yes, husband was fully aware this is daughters favourite and was bought as a treat for her. The reason I said "unofficially" is because it was bought out of the family budget, and wasn't like a reward or something. Not because he was unaware of the situation.
The box is supposed to contain 14 servings. Because she rations it, it usually lasts 3 or 4 weeks having it every day. Our grocery budget for the three of us is approx $50-65. I don't see how I could possibly cut anything out.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
First-Industry4762 said:
NTA, yeah it's incredibly selfish behavior. I seriously don't get why he didn't think about his kid first. A lot of husbands seem to have this problem: it's like they think it's every man for themselves because it's only mom's job to put their kid first.
Emotional_Goal2951 said:
NTA. He's setting a bad example, if you get your kid to stretch good things out he should do it, too. Otherwise she's getting penalized for doing the right thing. Yes life is like that sometimes but shouldn't be within a family.
Your husband was being selfish and also undermining your parenting by setting himself above the rules, it was important for your daughter to hear it called out instead of learning to be a doormat or that other people matter more.
Timidinho said:
NTA. You didn't attack him. He attacked you and tried to blame you for his actions. He didn't even care if your daughter gets to have her favourite cereal ever again. His "I make more money than you" line was disgusting. That's a first little red flag.
caringANDtherapy said:
NTA. My dad did that all the time... we were on a tight budget and often only ate bread and butter or bread and marmelade (without butter or margarine). He would eat meat spreads and eggs in front of us and even tease us with it.
He was the breadwinner, so my mom was worth nothing - he has not changed his view. It is one of the core memories of my childhood. I still resent my dad for it (among other things). But the food stuff was pretty bad.
unholypatina said:
NTA - he doesn't get it because he doesn't take care of that chore. Suggest switching out a chore he normally does for grocery shopping (including meal planning) for a few months. Maybe he will gain an appreciation for the amount of work you put in to staying within budget while still providing treats for your kid occasionally. What a jerk.
Eyad2020a said:
NTA and to be honest, your husband is the massive AH. We have a four year old and me and my husband whenever we eat if it’s something my child likes, we would take from our plates to give to him.
Both-Mud-4362 said:
NTA - your husband is incredibly selfish. He put his own pleasure above his child's. Especially, when this is a rare treat because it is usually outside of your food budget. Then he threw in the "I make most of the money" comment! So he has a superiority complex to boot.
He should have to buy kiddo replacement brand name cereal each week/month from his fun money for the foreseeable future. And every time kiddo asks for it you should say "ask daddy to go buy some for you."
BKhvactech said:
ESH. Full grown adults arguing over a bowl of cereal - and in front of your kid. Grow TF up.