'AITA for canceling Christmas plans late on Christmas Eve after everyone had already arrived?'
"AITA for canceling Christmas plans late on Christmas Eve after everyone had already arrived?"
I (25M) was meant to host my siblings (19M and 21F) for Christmas. Our mom died several years ago and I finished raising them because the AH who made us walked out when my mom was pregnant with my brother. My siblings don't remember him but I do. My memories of him are not happy ones and I even remember him hitting my mom twice.
The thing is we were better off without him but he avoided child support even though mom chased him through the courts for years. He never paid. I always hated him. I always hoped he'd died at some point and would never be able to eff up our lives again.
My siblings didn't really talk about him and neither did I. Though we did talk about what he did to mom and the bad stuff I remembered outside of that. There were two times years ago when they asked mom and she answered their questions in the best way she knew how.
When mom died my siblings were both under 18 so I moved them in with me and we made it work. I also helped them go to college which is what they wanted. I was finally able to afford a nice place for myself.
I always welcomed them to stay with me if we needed to and it was clear I would be hosting Christmas for us for at least a few years. This year wasn't an exception and they arrived yesterday morning.
We hung out all day and they had mentioned a hotel and I asked if they had rooms in one and they said no, that they thought we should go to a hotel restaurant one of these days. But they were acting off and by 11pm last night I found out why.
They had reached out to the guy who made us and had a relationship with him and they knew I didn't want one but decided to invite him to my home this year for Christmas.
They told me they wanted us to be a family. I said no and I told them I was never letting that man into my life. They said I can't avoid him while they have a relationship and to give it a chance and it's Christmas and family.
I told them to stop and that he will never be my family. They told me he was in a hotel room waiting to come today for Christmas Day dinner. We argued and they told me I needed to give this a chance and he's my dad.
I told them I wanted nothing from that man and I wish he'd died and left us the eff alone. They told me it's horrible to wish someone dead. And that he was coming whether I wanted him to or not.
I kicked them out and told them none of them are welcome and I said if he effs them over or beats them or threatens them (which he did to me when I was just a little kid) then they should not come to me because I wouldn't pick up the pieces.
I said they know what he did and they still want him and they went behind my back and I would not celebrate with them or fix this for them. They didn't expect it and argued that I couldn't cancel Christmas and we're family and I couldn't leave them to the streets.
They had the choice to join him at the hotel or to drive back to campus overnight. I told them that. They texted a bunch but I didn't reply and I woke up a while ago to more of them. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Coming whether you want him there or not? It’s your house. Leaving aside the family dynamics for a second, you just invites someone to another person’s house like that?
You are NTA. Your feelings about the one who made you are valid. Your siblings are free to forgive and even encourage you (to some degree) to reconcile but forcing the issue at Christmas when you are hosting is manipulative and cruel.
This. I mean, how entitled you must be to go over the wishes of the person who raised you and explained to you the abuse he faced and witnessed? OP, maybe you should sue your "father" for child support. He still owes it to you.
Pure_Dragonfly_8960 (OP)
I don't think I would actually get the money. As much as I love the idea, he evaded it all this time and my mom had the courts involved. I bet he would find it just as easy to flee this time as well and I don't want to struggle financially like my mom did, because of backdated CS. It's why she had to eventually stop. It was ruining us financially.
If they thought you would’ve being ok with it they wouldn’t have waited until Christmas Eve night to tell you. NTA, you are justified in what you said and did they have no right to give you zero choice in the matter that is so out of line.
Unfortunately they get what they deserve now, they are free to give him the time of day if they wish, but to force it on you is something else entirely…especially on Christmas Day. Sorry but as siblings go that is the absolute worst most ungrateful and selfish act they could do.
Pure_Dragonfly_8960 (OP)
Exactly and I only found out last night because I realized something was off and they realized I suspected something. Otherwise I would have been blindsided today.
NTA if they want to crash and burn they have the right to but they don't have the right to force you to follow them off a cliff. You most certainly can avoid him and you most certainly don't have to let them dictate who is and isn't in your life.
I think I wouldn't even bother looking at their texts until after new years, and once I had I'd tell them if they want a relationship with the jerk they are adults and free to. But they are not free to tell me who I include in my life and if they won't accept that then they won't be in my life.