'AITA for cancelling my wedding?' 'My fiancé made a major life decision without me.'
"AITA for cancelling my wedding because my fiancé made a major life decision without telling me?"
I hope you can give me some advice. I (28F) have been with my fiancé (32M) for six years, and we always talked about moving to a new city someday, but it was something we’d decide together when the time was right.
Last week, out of nowhere, I found out through a mutual friend that he had accepted a job in another state. Not only that, but he had already signed a lease for an apartment—without ever mentioning it to me. I was completely blindsided.
When I confronted him, he brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal and said, “I figured you'd be fine with it after the wedding.” I couldn’t believe he thought it was okay to make such a huge decision without even talking to me. He said he didn’t want to “stress me out” before the wedding, which just made me feel even more ignored. It was like my opinion didn’t matter at all.
This wasn’t just about a new job; it felt like a complete betrayal of trust. I had always believed we were a team, making big decisions together, but now I was questioning everything. After a lot of thought, I decided to put the wedding on hold. I needed time to figure out if I could marry someone who would make life-changing decisions without consulting me first. If he could do this now, what would happen in the future?
When I told my family and friends, their reactions were mixed. My mom thinks I’m overreacting and that we should just go ahead with the wedding, but my best friend agrees that this is a huge red flag. My fiancé, on the other hand, is furious, saying I’m making a big deal out of “one little thing.” But to me, it’s not little—it’s a sign of how we might handle important things in the future.
So, AITA for canceling the wedding because he made such a huge decision without me? Or should I forgive him and move forward? I’m torn between feeling justified in my reaction and wondering if I’m being unreasonable.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Good_Ice_240 said:
NTA What about your job? Your family? Friends? Your Life? Sounds like he was just expecting you to fall in line like a good little wifey once you were married.
Atlantic_Nikita said:
Nta. That's not a red flag, that the whole comunist party flag. He does not respect you enough to talk to you about something so big, you are probably overlooking other very red flags. If I was you I would break up on the spot. He doesn't see you as a person.
Odd-End-1405 said:
NTA. You were just provided a huge favor, in you were shown exactly what "your place" will be once he has that ring on your finger. He is not and does not see you as an equal, a partner. A partner discusses life changing events. You will be "his wife", a possession that is expected to fall into line and allow him to lead. Dodged a massive bullet here.
PatentlyRidiculous said:
NTA. This was a huge decision he just bypassed you on.
theanti_influencer75 said:
“I figured you'd be fine with it after the wedding." You mean he thougt that after the wedding you had no choice than to accept this cause now you are married? NTA.
Visual-Lobster6625 said:
NTA - these kind of decisions need to be made together. He unilaterally, selfishly, decided that you would be fine moving to another state after the wedding. If he can make these decisions on his own, what other decisions in the future might he make on his own?
giag27 said:
NTA…I would put a hold on the wedding permanently. I don’t understand your mom, I have 2 daughters and if their fiancé did this to one of them; I would be hoping and praying they would do what you just did. It’s not a small little thing.. don’t marry this man, he’s showing you who he is!!!