Cancer survivor is accused of not making his sister 'feel special' on HIS wedding day. AITA?
"AITAH for not making my sister feel special on MY wedding day?"
I (M34) got married last year after a year of battling Stage 4 Cancer (for the 2nd time 1st when 11) and after 2 years of being stuck indoors from the pandemic. We had a big wedding with most of out friends and family. I live in Scotland. My family are from England my wife's family are Scottish.
My dad stays in Ireland and my sister stays in Dubai. We had our wedding near the Scottish-English border kinda in the middle if you will so everyone attending the wedding was at least travelling an hour both ways and most were staying over the night before and night of wedding.
Here's the story...my younger sister (30) came from Dubai for the wedding. She had a sour face through out the day and went to her bed early night of wedding travelled back to Dubai next day.
A month or so before the wedding, when I was asking her about flights to see if she had secured them and such, she told me to mind my own buisness and I should be more grateful she was coming all the way from Dubai.
She then was adamant about staying in my mum's room at our venue (mum was to look after our 2 kids) we had said the kids weren't close to her and didn't really know her at all since she had been in Dubai most of my youngest life and there wouldn't be room as it was a double bed and single bed the room was for no more than 3 people.
My mum then kept going on about it and how it was a shame that she would need to pay for a room herself as her husband wouldn't be joining her it went on for a few weeks every time I spoke to mum.
So I eventually said fine, she can stay in your room and my MIL will take the 2 kids in her room as she was in a room herself. My mum then threw a fit that I was taking the kids away from her.
So anyway wedding day comes and goes. The next morning, mum's eating breakfast with us, and sister comes into the dining area says to mum "come on we need to go so mum gets up to leave." My wife and I walk them out sis is already away outside crying mum says to ok Mr... (I took my wife's last name) have a nice life.
And started to walk away she then doubled back ran to her room she had forgotten the flowers we had bought her I said to her why is sis crying? She just dryly said work it out.
I was so upset it put a horrible cloud over my wedding memories after. A week later mum calls me and again I ask what was up with sis? She said well you never treated her very nicely at your wedding.
You never made her feel special. I was flabbergasted. I said it wasn't her wedding...she's had her day to be special that day was about me and my family (wife and kids).
She said, "so are we not your family now is that it?" I said "of course you're my family, but wife and kids are my FAMILY" and that was our day. Her reply just kept being sis wasn't happy she was upset no one made her feel special.
I said yeah I was up set 2 by her reactions mum said yeah but sis is really upset...could go on forever, but am I the AH for not making her feel special?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Successful_Bath1200 said:
NTA. This was your day for you and your wife to be made to feel special. Is your sister normally like this. It sounds like she really didn't want to be there. If she lives in Dubai she can afford the airfare and her own hotel room.
I bet she paid nothing towards her stay at the hotel either! Next time you have a big family thing, just don't bother inviting her, she will bring the mood down.
Bookstax said:
Definitely NTA. Your sister seems either really spoiled, selfish and/or unhappy in her life in Dubai. Whatever it is, it is definitely not your problem.
SecondChoiceAlways said:
Oh man, my best friend in Uni got married and another friend of us flew in too (1 1/2 flight) and she was SO PISSED we didn't give her more attention and the bride wasn't thanking her more publicly for being there...Total BS behavior. Bride and me are now NC with said friend, go figure. NTA your sister is entitled.
OneEyedMilkman87 said:
This is your day. Hers will come. NTA.
atmasabr said:
I'm sure this was a longer conversation than that but I don't quite follow. If your mother didn't like the idea when you first suggested it, why did you all go ahead with it? NTA.
As best as I can tell--and it's very hard to tell--the reason your sister had a miserable experience (quite apart from the very stressful travel arrangements) is because she wanted your mother to attend to her needs in some way, and when your mother didn't, your mother blamed you for it. Your sister refused to even begin to let you be part of her trip accommodation. Who knows why.
OP responded to the above comment with this:
So yeah a longer convo, but basics are: my kids don't really know my sis at all she never calls or texts. When I would call her it would ring out or a text would go unanswered for weeks on end. She has been in Dubai since my youngest was 4 months only seeing her again at her 1st birthday where she was in the UK for 2 weeks and spent a whole 6/7 hours visiting us as she was passing through to visit granny on arran and stopped by on my daughter's birthday.
My mum wanted to have the kids in with her to look after them as we stay in Scotland and she stays in England. She doesn't get the opportunity to look after them we thought it was a great idea booked the room my son is 11 and daughter 4 at the point of wedding so my mum and daughter were to share a double bed and my son would be in a single bed in the room.
The room was 3 persons only. My sister wanted to stay in room with my mum My mum said how it was unfair and the kids would be fine squeezing in I told mum no I wasn't happy with my kids being uncomfortable at my wedding as my eldest didn't want to sleep in a room with sis as he didn't know her and also didn't want to squeeze into a bed with my mum and his sis.
My daughter had never stayed out with anyone at this point other that my mil watching her at our house when me and wife had went out date nights but we were home before she got up in morning so this also was a big deal as my mum had never looked after them.
Mum kept insisting it would be fine and not to worry etc that and the fact sis hadn't booked herself a hotel room made me weary that mum would just sneak sis into room that night when we wouldn't be able to do anything. So I asked mil If she would be OK to look after them.
Told my mum if she wanted sis in her room that was fine and that the kids would stay in mil room. She said it was unfair and that sis didn't have a hotel booked it wouldn't be fair and that she wanted the kids in her room. But end of day kids comfort came first and they chose to stay in mil room we gave son the decision in the end.