Woman sick of mom pretending she wasn't cheating on dad while he was on his death bed. AITA?
"AITA for agreeing with what my sister accused our mom of?"
Playful-Swimmer9326
When my sister and I were about 10 (me) and 12 (her) our mom went back to work. She met this guy called Mark and the two of them became very close. After a couple of years we started to question if mom was having an affair.
Our dad suspected she might be. It was a big conflict in our parents marriage. Maybe it wasn't a full blown affair. But even dad suggested if it wasn't a physical affair, it was an emotional one and I tend to agree.
Mom and Mark would get very flirty with each other and she invited him to everything as a family friend/family. My dad and Mark did not get along and Mark used to tease dad that he was so uptight and possessive to be so bothered by harmless flirting.
Mom would fight to have Mark included in stuff because dad didn't want him around. Our parents marriage was never the same. They even separated for a while but got back together.
When I was 19 my dad passed away from a brain aneurism. Mark was at the house right after it happened and mom even had him sit with us during the funeral. She told us he was her best friend despite the fact her other best friend, someone we all loved, was not asked to sit with us. This was my mom's lifelong friend Abby. Abby claimed mom saw Mark as a brother.
Two years later mom announced she and Mark were a couple. It didn't come as a surprise but my sister and I didn't really like or truly support the relationship. We said nothing. But mom picked up on it.
She noticed it more apparently when they got married 18 months later. Now they have been married for almost 3 years. And the whole thing became a heated debate because my sister is getting married and really hasn't included mom in anything wedding related and has made it very clear when asked that Mark has no role in her wedding at all.
This led mom to confront my sister about the change in relationship and my sister told her she just sees her relationship with Mark as proof that they were never just friends with a sibling bond. She said people don't date people they have a "close sibling relationship with".
My sister told her she didn't believe they never had an affair and she basically showed dad disrespect by getting with Mark. She said moving on with anyone else would have been different. But Mark was a slap in the face to our dad.
My mom came to me after her fight with my sister and told me my sister had made accusations against her and Mark and especially her and she wanted to know if I thought the same thing of her. I said yes.
I told her I wasn't entirely convinced she and Mark had a physical affair. But I refused to believe it was not an emotional one and it did change how I saw her and did make me feel not great about her marriage and current relationship with Mark.
My mom said it was an awful thing to accuse her of and how could both of us have such a low opinion of her when she was a great wife to dad and a good mom to us. She told me she hated that I support my sister's accusations when the two of us used to be so close. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Remartin1462
She’s in the wrong why would you marry someone you see as a brother she was probably also having a physical relationship with mark? I'd put money on it at this point because she’s so defensive.
She couldn’t have been so oblivious to how it looked to everyone else all those years to you and your sister she’s going to get a rude awakening when you and your sister stop talking to her NTA im sorry your mother acted like that for most of your lives good luck to you and your sister.
The OP responded here:
Playful-Swimmer9326
That's what we can't figure out. Maybe she was trying to convince herself of that if she felt bad but that goes out the window when she became romantically involved with Mark.
Who can flip that switch so easily? I know it could be argued that 2 years can change a lot but going from "he's my brother" to "he's the dude I want to date" is just such a big leap that it's impossible not to side eye the whole thing.
cat-lover76
"My mom said it was an awful thing to accuse her of and how could both of us have such a low opinion of her when she was a great wife to dad and a good mom to us."
If your mom harasses you any further, tell her she spent.
9 YEARS
tormenting your dad by flaunting her affair in front of him.
Ask her in what universe that qualifies as "being a great wife". Ask her in what universe making you two kids watch her tormenting your dad for 9 years qualifies as "being a good mom".
Less_Ordinary_8516
NTA. You were honest and told your mom the truth. Why would you lie? Your mom and dad had many fights about this very thing, which threw your young life in turmoil. The worst thing about it is the man wasn't a faceless person, she brought him around your whole life, now she married him.
There are bound to be bad feelings, because it looks like your dad was right. Why would you lie to make your mom feel better, when she didn't give you kids the same consideration?
The OP again responded:
Playful-Swimmer9326
Yep. Him being around for birthday parties, family BBQs, graduations, etc, was awful. My sister and mom actually fought over his inclusion at my sister's graduation dinner. Mom just repeated he was family and couldn't be left out. But we hated it.
agnesperditanitt
NTA. They were flirting while your dad was alive and he was not comfortable with it. That alone was sooo disrespectful to your dad. Physical or not, they started their affair right there and they never we're just like brother and sister. Your mother can not really believer that!
And just because your mother waited two years to make their relationship official-official and marry her AP means nothing, imo. This marriage is - as your sister said - a postmortem slap in your dad's face.
And your mom's on-going affair with Mark downright negates her claim, that she was a great wife and a great mom. She not only cheated on your dad openly and blatantly, she also brought her AP into the family. WTF? If I were your sister, I wouldn't have invited promoted AP to the wedding. I would even doubt, that I wanted my mother there.