'AIO over my co-worker referencing my unborn baby as her baby?'
"AIO over my co-worker referencing my unborn baby as her baby?"
I ask in advance for minimal judgement… I am a young person so I know this may come off very immature, I’m really seeking advice and trying to make sense of this. I (20F) work in an office environment at a dealership and my coworker (34F) has been saying some really uncomfortable comments about my baby.
For the shortest amount of context, I have known this girl (we’ll call her Jane) for like 2 months. I had about a week to train her before having a major surgery to have my kidney removed, and I came back about a month ago.
I am 10 weeks pregnant, which is not far along. Certainly not far along enough to be touching on my belly - which is among just one thing she has done to make me uncomfortable.
Ever since I softly announced my pregnancy, she has been making comments that I’m not sure if I am overreacting to… to start, she never passes up an opportunity to say “my” baby.
When I say anything “my baby this” or “my baby that” she will say “you mean my baby?” I HAVE corrected her and then she resorts to “our baby”. She also makes comments about “if the baby comes out with curly hair, just know it came from me” (this is actually a more innocent one, comparatively speaking).
I said something to another co worker about the first time I’d bring my baby to see everyone it would be more of a come and go day, and Jane piped up and said “I hope you know I’m going to kiss your baby so much.”
I already have been dealing with her comments by this point, so I told her I did not want her kissing my baby, at least not until s/he’s a certain age. She gave me a weird look and just said “so how long then?”
And from there I just played it off because others were present and I said I just wanted to keep her safe. Shortly after this, she said “so how long are you going to keep me from my baby?” I gave her a look and asked her to repeat herself. So she did.
I said until I felt it was safe to bring her out in public, and this is where I decide to turn to you guys… she said she would find out where I live to be near the baby, and that when I did eventually bring the baby that she would take her outside the building and lock me inside.
Now here is an important note - I understand that she is probably not being serious. But how she says it, and the persistence is making it very uncomfortable for me, on top of the stress I’ve already been dealing with. Her face remains very poker like.
Another important note before I receive questions… yes, I have made my discomfort clear, not only in my body language, but my face should say it all. When she touched my belly without asking one morning when I came in.
I was SLIGHTLY bloated, I haven’t really popped. I told her not to touch my stomach because it made me feel uncomfortable, and she played it off like I was overreacting and like it wasn’t a big deal.
I forgot to add, later in the day someone offered me half a pretzel. Of course I accepted, I’m hungry all the time haha. Jane glares at me, and proceeds to say after my best friend leaves the room that “oh, so you’re not a germaphobe, but I can’t kiss my baby?”
I swear last thing… there is some trauma on Jane’s end, she has kids that she does not live with or have custody of. Not because of anything she did, but one of her comments did include “so I can’t have access to your baby while I don’t have access to mine?”
Anyways, I imagine I’m just dragging this out… but I need advice. Is this normal? Is this appropriate? How do I make it clear I’m uncomfortable without upsetting her and making the work environment tense?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Hmmm, from the way you describe the situation I'd say you have reason for concern. The poker face, the threat of abduction, her past trauma, the "you are overreacting". She has a fixation, and limited social skills. I really don't know what I would do in that situation, but ya I'd be concerned.
toastycauliflower (OP)
It’s also interesting because she laughs it off like my face isn’t horrified or obviously uncomfortable 😔 but I appreciate the response 🫶my friends all say I should go to HR but he’s not in till next week…. So here I am.
Go directly to HR. Tell them exactly what is going on. Tell your family and friends what is going on and tell Jane to stay away from you because she is making you uncomfortable.
Do you honestly know why she has no custody of her children - not that she says I have kids that don’t live with me right now because whatever innocenct reason she claims. People do not hand over their children and just go on along trying to get at someone else’s.
So she’s at best, delusional and a bad Mom. At worst…She plans to steal your baby over your body on the floor. I believe the best thing to do is be safe! Go to HR immediately. They need to tell her to stop. You need to tell her in front of her that if she follows through with her threat of finding your home…
You will call the police. And…She is never ever going to see, meet, or hold your baby. And…She is not to touch you or talk to you about your baby anymore. Then every time she mentions it, get up and walk away and send an email to HR. You may need a restraining order so write down everything. Personally, I would find out why she doesn’t have custody of her kids.
You need to go to HR and report this. All of her actions are really inappropriate. Also, keep a journal with dates and what Jane says and does. You may need to have documentation if things escalate. Please let your BF/DH know what’s going on, and her inappropriate comments and actions.
Maybe at least put up a doorbell camera at your home (more if you can). Listen to your gut, if you feel like something isn’t right, leave immediately. Also, read the book THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin de Becker. I think Jane is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. And could “flip out” if you’re not careful. Good luck.
toastycauliflower (OP)
‼️EDIT‼️: I really appreciate the support and advice and everyone is right that I should be using my voice MORE however I have been, I definitely just need to be a lot firmer - also, I have been here for over a year, and she is actually very new.
When she came here, she acted like she’s been here forever and wants to know all the tea and acts like she is friends with everyone (I have the mindset that a friend to everyone is actually a friend to no one.)
I hope this provides a little more insight… what sucks is she really is a sweet person but there are some other things unrelated to this specific problem I’ve had with her, and I didn’t want that to cloud anyone’s judgement. Thank you again! Update coming soon, me and my boyfriend have been reading the comments and will reply when I have a full chance to process 🫶 thank you all.