'AITA for coming home later than expected on my wife's birthday?'
"AITA for coming home later than expected on my wife's birthday?"
This year my wife's birthday fell on a working day. She works evenings and neither of us were able to take annual leave. So we decided we would celebrate her birthday on the weekend instead.
We went for a walk on Saturday morning (about an hour, a little shorter than she had hoped due to the conditions) then she went for coffee with her friend in the afternoon. In the evening we got take-out from her favourite place. On the morning of her actual birthday, prior to work, I gave her the gifts she had requested.
The week prior a friend who is in the country for a couple of months texted me about meeting up for a coffee and asked if the day of my wife's birthday suited. Knowing we were planning to celebrate on the weekend, I said it was fine. We didn't agree a time.
On the morning of my wife's birthday my friend asked if 3pm would suit - I said it was fine (I have flexible working hours). She complained a little and we joked about how it was to be such a neglected spouse.
Initially she said she would walk with me to meet him but in the end when I was leaving just before 3pm she said she had work to finish and would meet me for a walk on the way back. She asked when I thought I'd be back and I guessed I'd leave around 4pm - expecting to meet my friend for around an hour.
In the end, I didn't leave until 4:45. I knew time was marching on but I didn't feel like 45 minutes was a bit deal and I didn't want to be rude to my friend. When I left, I texted my wife so she would know I was on my way if she still wanted to walk to meet me. She didn't reply.
When I got home at about 5pm my wife was just plating dinner and had a meltdown about how late it was. She would have to leave for her work in 45 minutes. I guess she had intended to meet me based on my initial (estimate) of when I would leave and still have time to make dinner.
She asked why I hadn;t agreed to meet my friend in the evening while she was out to work. Honestly I was just trying to be accomodating to my friend so I just accepted his suggestion.
I took it on the nose and just apologised to her for being later than I had thought and offered to walk her to work instead. Still don't really think it as big a deal as she made out given we had agreed to treat Saturday as her birthday and I am pretty rarely out and certainly don't make a habit of being late. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
"She asked when I thought I'd be back and I guessed I'd leave around 4pm."
"I didn't want to be rude to my friend."
"I texted my wife so she would know I was on my way."
YTA. I'm so glad your friend deserves more consideration than your own wife on her birthday. She must feel hella important. Why couldn't you have texted her earlier, explaining that you might be later? Don't mind being rude to your wife, huh?
YTA. I count 3 times you mentioned how you didn't want to disappoint your friend. Meanwhile, its literally your wife's birthday. I get that your mind moved that to Saturday, but the day was still her birthday. You made her make/plate dinner alone on her birthday. Just not seeing forest for trees on your part.
YTA. You were rude to your wife by staying almost twice as long as expected when you already knew she was unhappy about it. You could have met your friend while she was working, or suggested a different day. You put your friend over your wife. Is this a usual thing?
YTA. It was your wife’s birthday. You could have gone for coffee with your friend the day after or the day before. You know when your wife’s birthday is. She should have taken priority.
YTA. Kind of the one day (besides maybe anniversaries and valentines day) where she should be the top priority, so I understand why she was upset.
yeah that's bad. it's good you apologised. hope you both talk about it and figure it out. mistakes happen. what we do after them matters just as much, if not more, than the mistakes themselves. i understand trying to accomodate many priorities in life and how that can be hard. talk about it.