'AITA for comparing my parents to other parents like how they compare me to my peers?'
"AITA for comparing my parents to other parents like how they compare me to my peers?"
Powerful_Doubt5692
My parents are immigrants and always compare me to my friends, family, their friends' kids, and random successful kids they see online. This all started because my dad saw me playing a game after I was done my homework and gave me a lecture on how I shouldn't be playing games but I should be studying.
He started complaining about my grades and truthfully I don't know what my parents are complaining about because I'm a straight A student. I literally got 100% in a class but they don't care because it's not math.
My parents act like I'm going to become homeless because I'm not getting 100% in every single class when I have above 90% in every class I take. He started comparing me to some student he read in the paper who actually did get 100% in every class and I got so frustrated.
I told them that, compared to my friends' parents, they can't speak or read English so I have to do everything for them, including tagging along to every store to buy things for them.
All my friends have parents to help them with school if they are stuck yet my parents never completed elementary school. Because of their ignorance, they refused to take me to a dentist until a few months ago because I was in so much pain. Then they even argued with the dentist on treatment.
I told them how hard it is to be their translator because they always interrupt the other person while speaking to talk to me while I'm trying to listen and then translate. How every representative blows up at me because of their behavior and tells me to shut my parents up. None of my friends have to deal with that.
I feel like they dumped the responsibility on me to kind of raise myself. I had to figure everything on my own and teach my parents that I needed glasses, needed regular dental care, developed good study habits on my own, and arrive to school on time because they always made me late and my teachers blamed me.
I ended up telling my parents that they don't get to lecture me on my grades because they dropped out and know nothing about the school system. My mom told me that I was too harsh and said I needed to apologize to my dad because he was really hurt by what I said but I feel like I told the truth.
I know that other kids would never say that to their own parents but they always compare me to my peers to point out all my flaws (like my height and acne lol) when I honestly believe that they're lucky to have me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
dustling_yvonne
NTA. Your parents are setting the bar unrealistically high. Striving for 100% in every class is not a healthy or sustainable goal. Your grades are already excellent, and you should be proud of your achievements. If you feel comfortable, consider having a calm conversation with them and explaining how their comparisons and lack of support make you feel.
forgeris
NTA, the fact that your dad was hurt was because he knows that you were telling the truth. Never apologize for telling the truth.
MelodyPleasure
They're lucky to have you and I'm proud of you! Having 90% and above on all your classes? DAMNNN you're awesome. And you're NTA! You go ahead and be opinionated and make them realize that they have a lot of room for improvement as your parents.
Just because they're older doesn't mean they're always right. Your feelings are valid. i exactly know how it feels learning my way on my own and realizing all I have is MYSELF. I AM SO SO PROUD OF YOU!
whimsical_trash
There are tons of reasons to apologize for telling the truth oh my god, the world isn't that black and white. In this instance an apology isn't needed but that is a wayyy overgeneralized statement.
BigNathaniel69
NTA, you’re treating them how they’ve been treating you. If it makes them feel bad then good! Maybe it’s working. They should feel bad for how they’re treated you and how they’ve been so hypocritical.
But that’s also maybe why they’re so hard on you (not giving excuses on their behavior, especially since it’s bad across the board in your day to day life). But they might be extremely frightened by you not getting an education and they desperately want that for you. But they do need to back off.
The OP responded here:
Powerful_Doubt5692
Yeah, that's why I also feel bad at the same time. They had a really poor upbringing so it's not like they were set up for success either and I feel like they're acting out of fear or that's how their parents acted towards them so they do the same to me. It's like a vicious cycle.
SergemstrovigusNova
When I was a child at school, they brought a gifted kid from a nearby school and paraded him to shame us for being so dumb. I still remember looking at the kid, who seemed nice enough and feeling sorry for him. Talk about setting up a child to be hated. This kind of comparison is poisonous in both directions.
Of course your parents think they are pushing you to do better. Tiger Asians? Tiger parents often produce children that do awesomely in exams and fail in life. Cannot accept setback, are paranoid about failure. Unreliable and jumpy. You seem a well adjust young person. NTA for trying to save your sanity!
ChiquitaBananaKush
NTA they can dish it but can’t take it. Refuse to be their translator until they apologize.
No_Decision8337
NTA. Your parents are holding you to standards they do not hold themselves to. They are hypocrites. Honestly, every time they try to make comments about your acne, use it against them. "Your friend doesn't have acne like you" "well x's dad doesn't have a huge gut like you"
Additionally, it's important to set boundaries. It sounds like your parents are the paragon of learned helplessness. My family are immigrants too, I've seen so many parents fall into this "oh my kids will take care of me forever" mentality. It's gross. You've become your parent's parent. That's unacceptable.