'AITA if I confront my husband after he didn’t get me anything for Christmas?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I confronted my husband after he didn’t get me anything for Christmas?"

I am a first-time poster. I hope I am doing this right. I usually wouldn’t think of doing this, but I have talked to my friends and family members about this, and I feel crazy. I need some advice. My husband, 25M, didn’t get me 24F anything for Christmas this year. WIBTA if I told him how I felt about it?

Some background information. I absolutely love Christmas. It is one of my favorite times of the year. My family has many amazing traditions surrounding the holidays, and I never miss a single one. My love language is also gift-giving. I love giving people gifts and seeing their faces light up.

Obviously, this is an expensive love language, so I usually reserve my significant expressions of gift-giving affection for Christmas. I start saving for Christmas at the beginning of the year, and I begin planning gifts as early as August.

My husband, on the other hand, is usually the complete opposite. His love language is not gift-giving; until recently, his family had never exchanged Christmas gifts due to their large family and many medical bills.

When I started dating my husband, I gave all six of his siblings and their children presents. Since then, we have had a yearly exchange with his family, and they have started buying each other gifts again.

This year was a special Christmas that I was excited for. Back in October, after three back-to-back miscarriages, we finally welcomed our son into this world. He is doing fantastic. I was so excited because this would be his first Christmas and my first Christmas as a mother. I wanted everything to be special.

Christmas day rolled around, and I watched as he opened every carefully thought-out gift while I held my son with nothing. I know I am very privileged to have gifts on Christmas, but I have never not gotten anything on Christmas. It feels stupid to be upset when so many people would love to have a Christmas tree or a roof over their heads, but I was upset.

I didn’t tell him I was upset because I didn’t want to ruin the Christmas magic or seem like a spoiled brat. I know I am lucky to have the life I have and should be grateful for the gift of having my son after so much struggle and heartache, but I can’t shake the disappointment.

I have talked to my friends about this, and they all say I should speak to him and that I am valid for feeling upset, but I know they are not my husband's biggest fans so they may be biased. I talked to my mom, and she was shocked he didn’t get me anything. She told me I should say to him how I felt.

I am fighting with myself on this. I don’t want to appear materialistic or ungrateful and shouldn’t just expect gifts. But all I wanted was some slippers and a few shirts from Amazon.

It is now the second week of January, and I may have missed the chance to express my opinion about this situation. WIBTA if I confronted my husband about not getting me anything for Christmas this year?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

NonaOrganic said:

Why are your friends not your husband’s biggest fans? This makes me think that Christmas isn’t the only time he’s inconsiderate as hell when it comes to you. And how the hell did your husband not feel shamed opening up gift after gift on Christmas while you had nothing?

No you wouldn’t be TAH to confront him. Do it and let us know how it goes because I’d love to hear your husband’s answer to treating you so poorly.

Top_Organization5417 said:

It's not too late to tell your husband he's a disappointment. WTF is wrong with him considering you just gave him a son. He's a terrible partner and it shows since you love christmas so much and he ignored you! You can do better than him.

bookishmama_76 asked:

Info: did he get anyone else gifts? Does he normally get you gifts for birthdays and Christmas?

OP responded:

I am the one that buys all the Christmas gifts for his family and all of our friends, but in the past he has gotten me Christmas gifts. The 1 year he made me 2 bookshelves. Another he got me a set of DND dice because he knows that I love to play.

He didn't really do a ton for my birthday, but he told me he would pay for a massage if I were ever to get one. This is the first year he has never gotten me anything.

taphin33 said:

What do you expect will change if you don't tell him it bothered you? He's going below the bare minimum effort required to sustain a relationship. EVERYONE expects at least a card from their spouse. Stop going above and beyond for someone who won't do the basics.

Your friends probably don't like him for a good reason. He gets all the gifts, and doesn't have to give some just cause he doesn't favor the holiday? It's YOUR favorite, and he should try to make it special. He has to compromise enough to show up in the ways YOU need to feel loved, not just the ways he wants or the relationship is on his terms.

She later shared this update:

I talked to my husband. I talked with my husband after much deliberation. The final straw that made me talk to him was when he started talking about giving his bosses a late Christmas gift.

I was very nervous to bring up how I felt, but I did it. I asked him why he didn’t get me anything for Christmas. He told me that he did want to get me gifts and put things in the Amazon cart, but decided we didn’t have the money to spend on it.

I pointed out that he dropped almost $400 on a brand new smoker the day after Christmas because the ones his brothers got him was not the one he wanted. His response was,

“Oh yeah, I guess I did.” He then gave a very dismissive apology and told me he would get me something. I told him I didn’t want anything from him because it would be a pity gift at this point, and I was just wanting him to know how I felt.

I told him that I was hurt that he could think to get his bosses something at a job he doesn’t like and not think to get his wife something for christmas. I told him I didn’t feel like I was a priority, to which he said I was, but it was very half-hearted and felt like he was just trying to placate me.

I cried myself to sleep last night thinking of all the ways he has dismissed me and made me feel like crap. I am not sure what to do now, but yeah, there is your update.