'AITA for considering a divorce after my wife lied for years about being willing to adopt?' UPDATED

"AITA for considering a divorce after my wife lied for 5 years about being willing to adopt?"

Me 30 and my wife 32 have been together for 6 years and married for 4. Back before we got married she confessed that she couldn't have kids naturally due to medical issues that are untreatable, and I said that was ok as long as she was willing to adopt. She said yes to being willing to adopt back then, and recently thanks to my job we're in a position financially to start the process.

Well for last couple years when I talked about it she dodged the subject until last October when talked about adopting a little girl age 8 that we've known for awhile and wife acted like she was considering it. So a couple days ago I brought it back up to her and got my heartbroken.

Basically she first tried to say that we were too old to deal with children, followed by interrogations of why I want children, accused me of not liking children, followed by the real answer was "that wife will not take care of another person's child or love them because she didn't make them."

The reason I'm considering divorce is because after that answer I was holding back tears and asked her "what about little girl age 8, I thought you loved her?"... Her response was to laugh in my face and tell me it was a joke.... I feel like I've been betrayed and taken advantage of.

I've done everything in my power to make wife happy, cars large appliances, bigger house, listen to her problems, pay bills, pay for surgeries, and the list goes on. AITAH?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Beneficial_Breath232 said:

NTA. We often see the other way around : people who are childfree ; the partner seems okay with that, but after a few years of relationship, the partner reveals they were hoping to change the mind of their partner. And the advise is also Leave. And that's the same here, even if the situation is reverse.

Having or not having children is a BIG thing in a relationship, and the partners need to be on the same boat. You think you were on the same page, but your wife deceive you OP. She broke your trust, and she will never get it back. Follow through your threat and leave her.

MyChoiceNotYours said:

NTA divorce is the only option here and if you can still adopt that little girl on your own do it and F your wife the callous selfish cold hearted lying betraying woman. I thought I'd read it all on here but this is one of the worst.

BlueGreen_1956 said:

NTA. Your wife told you what she thought you wanted to hear to get the ring on her finger. She was a liar from Day One. Divorce her and find someone else. You are young enough to have kids of your own. Why would you even think about staying with a woman as duplicitous as your wife is? Question: Are you 100% sure she cannot have kids? She may have lied about that, too.

Toniadion1974 said:

Why would you NOT consider a divorce? I think a separation at least is in order until things calm down.

theworldisonfire8377 said:

NTA, she knowingly deceived you for all those years and laughed in your face. She’s cruel and heartless to do that to you. Leave or kick her out, whichever is easier.

He later shared this update:

I just wanted to thank everyone who read or commented and showed their support and offer a very special thank you to the certain few who decided to reach out to me personally. This has honestly been a complete emotional rollercoaster for me. Reading the comments really helped me build enough strength up to work through this bad situation. I can't thank you folks enough.

*1st about the little girl- I will not be able to adopt as a single parent until I pass a psychiatric evaluation, but I'm still allowed to volunteer at the group home and if nothing else my mom and dad have agreed to adopt her. My mom is only 50 and although it would be a little weird at first I won't mind being the much older brother vs a dad. I just want to make little girl happy.

*2nd I did take y'all's advice to talk to a therapist and it really helped me figure some things out about myself and get my feelings under control long enough to talk to my wife. The therapist really recommends me taking a personal vacation by myself after this is all over.

*3rd I removed anything that I would miss from the house a few days ago and talked to the wife yesterday about my feelings and made it clear that I didn't want her in my life anymore. After what she said to me I can't bring myself to trust her or even sleep in the same bed anymore.

She of course cried and called all of our friends and her parents to tell them how much of a bad person I was, but quickly found out that I had already talked to them last week. She's moving out this weekend and thanks to her mom's intervention has agreed to file uncontested for now at least.

*4th a special thanks to my mooching brother-in-law for telling their mom what his sister did. If not for him listening in on our conversation that night, I really feel like this would've become a legal battle with lawyers. Basically the only people mad at me now are the wife and her dad's side of the family.