'AITA for cutting off my cousin after she accused me of stealing jewelry at her wedding?' UPDATED
"AITA for cutting off my cousin after she accused me of stealing jewelry at her wedding?"
I'm in a tough spot and could really use some outside perspective on this situation. So, my cousin Emma and I have never been particularly close, but we've always been civil. When she got engaged in December I sent her a thoughtful present, which she thanked me for repeatedly.
Fast forward to February, and Emma invited me to her wedding in April next year. Living abroad and starting a new job, I made it clear that I needed advance notice to attend, and thankfully, I managed to make it.
Emma asked me to be part of her wedding entry, and despite our not being very close, I agreed, hoping it would help us build a better relationship. However, just a week before the wedding, I found out she'd been talking negatively about me and my career as a project manager. It stung, but I didn't want to cause drama before her big day, so I kept quiet.
During the wedding weekend I helped Emma get dressed for her ceremony, and her mom told me to leave the jewelry as she would handle it later. So, I only packed away the bangles*.
[Via Wikipedia: Bangles are traditionally rigid bracelets which are usually made of metal, wood, glass or plastic. These ornaments are worn mostly by women in the Indian subcontinent, Southeastern Asia, the Arabian Peninsula, and Africa. It is common to see a bride wearing glass bangles at weddings in India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nepal, Sri Lanka and in other Asian countries.]
The entry went smoothly, and I attended the reception without any complaints. However, after the wedding, I chose not to leave a gift, intending to address the hurtful comments privately after the festivities.
Days later Emma asked me about the missing jewelry, and I told her I hadn't touched it beyond what her mom instructed. Later that day, I saw Emma posting on Facebook about missing jewelry and implying that someone in the family might have taken it. I felt uneasy, especially since her mom and I were the only family members helping her get dressed.
Then things escalated when her sister made comments on the post saying, "we didn't like her anyway". Her mom reached out to me, asking about the bangles, which made me feel like they were singling me out. Even my grandmother called, further cementing that they may have discussed me as a suspect.
Finally, another cousin messaged me saying the jewelry was found boxed up in a car. But Emma refuses to retract her accusations online because she's embarrassed. Feeling betrayed, I chose to cut Emma and her mom out of my life. I deleted them from my socials and blocked their numbers.
Now, my grandma is upset, saying I was unfair for not explaining myself. So, am I the jerk for cutting them off without explanation? Should I have handled the situation differently? Thanks for your insights.
Here's what people had to say to OP after the initial post:
NTA. Sounds like exactly the kind of people to go NC with. Personally, I would shame them on their social media and then block, but that’s just me Also, the talking negatively about your job? Sounds like jealousy to me. Keep them out of your life.
I'm so happy you found the bracelets in the car! That must have been so scary!
NTA. Unless they publicly apologize the way the way they publicly accused you, they can kick rocks. Besides, they're all badmouthing you behind your back anyway. Sounds like life is better without them.
The next day OP returned with this update:
After consulting with an attorney friend and compiling all relevant evidence including screenshots and messages, we took the step of sending a legal letter to my cousin.
Additionally, I made a post on Facebook, tagging family members, family friends who attended the event, the priest who officiated, and even her neighbors (yup, my petty a@% went the extra mile) to bring awareness of the situation.
Here's the note OP posted:
🔊 *Important Announcement Regarding Emma's Wedding*
Hello everyone in the Brown family,
I hope this message finds you well. I feel compelled to address a matter that has been weighing on my mind since Emma's wedding last April.
Firstly, I want to express my gratitude to Emma for inviting me to be a part of her special day. It was an honor to participate, and I was genuinely touched by the opportunity.
However, recent events have left me deeply disheartened. It has come to my attention that there have been discussions, both prior to and following the wedding, where unkind remarks were made about me and my profession.
While this was hurtful, I chose to handle the situation delicately and intended to discuss it with Emma after the wedding to gain clarity.
Despite the hurtful comments, I remained committed to supporting Emma on her wedding day. I assisted her with changing outfits and took care of her belongings as requested. Regrettably, shortly after the wedding, I was unfairly implicated in the disappearance of some jewelry.
Subsequent discussions with Emma revealed that there were private conversations insinuating my involvement, which left me feeling unfairly targeted. It was only through the disclosure from a third party that the truth about the jewelry's whereabouts emerged.
I confronted Emma about these revelations, hoping for resolution and understanding. However, her response was dismissive, and she refused to acknowledge the hurtful nature of her actions. Instead, she chose to maintain hurtful social media posts, causing further distress.
In light of these events, I have made the decision to distance myself from Emma and her immediate family. My conscience is clear, and I refuse to tolerate such unjust treatment.
Furthermore, I want to assure you all that I am taking the necessary steps to clear my name. I am in contact with legal counsel to draft a letter and seek exoneration from these false accusations.
I share this message not out of spite or animosity but to set the record straight and reclaim my integrity.
PS: The missing jewelry was found by her mother in the car. For those interested in the details, I've compiled all relevant screenshots and supporting information in a Google Drive. Feel free to click the link to access it.
THE END! Thank you everyone who supported, gave advice, and comforted me. Looking forward to going on my vacation tomorrow while Emma spends the next few days dealing with this.
EDIT: As of 8AM EST, Emma has STILL not rescinded those Facebook posts.
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
That is AWESOME! Please update, if anyone comments or if Emma gets off her high horse and apologizes.
annoyedcousinthrow OP responded:
The likes have been rolling in, did get 2 DMs saying, "Emma was always a brat anyway, run while you can."
That is awesome. Definitely follow through with the legal stuff. I would imagine she is going to call your bluff and leave up the post.
annoyedcousinthrow OP responded:
I think with the scrutiny and letter, she may fold. It's a lot to deal with, however - it's not okay to withhold information to clear someone's name just because you do not like them.
Very impressive OP! In love how you included the neighbors too! Perfection! 🔥🔥🔥
annoyedcousinthrow OP responded:
I wanted ALL of them to side eye her and her "perfect" facade. I'm not a perfect person, I'm not letting you get away with trying to label me as a thief when I had good intentions the whole entire time. Now you get to be miserable on your honeymoon and deal with questions :)))
Is your grandmother still on her side?
annoyedcousinthrow OP responded:
I am not sure. She hasn't talked to me since, I assume so?
Wuhuu you handled it well. You threw the toxic waste where it belongs