'AITA for cutting off my mom after she tried to take my son?'
"AITA for cutting off my mom after she tried to take my son?"
I (28F) am a single mother to my incredible 5-year-old son, Jake. His father isn’t involved, so it’s just us, with occasional help from my parents, especially my mom (60F). My mom has always been controlling, but I thought it was her way of caring.
When I was 15, my mom had a stillborn baby, which hit her hard. She became overly protective of me and later, of Jake. I tried to be patient, knowing she was grieving. But over the past year, her behavior has crossed serious boundaries.
It started with small oversteps. She’d buy Jake clothes or toys without asking, which I appreciated at first, but then she began making decisions about his life without my consent.
For example, she took him to get a haircut in a style she chose, without checking with me. When I confronted her, she said, “I thought you’d like it. He looks so handsome!” I explained that I need to make those calls as his mom, but she brushed it off.
Then, she enrolled Jake in a private kindergarten without telling me. I had already picked a school, and she went behind my back. I told her she needs to respect my role, but she acted like I was overreacting.
Things got worse when Jake came home from a visit with her and said, “Grandma says I can live with her if I want. She has a big house and lots of toys.” I was floored. When I asked my mom about it, she claimed it was a joke, but it didn’t feel like one.
Last week, I received court documents: my mom had filed for custody of Jake, claiming I’m an unfit mother due to my work hours and alleged neglect. I was devastated. I work full-time to provide for Jake, and he’s well cared for. I spend all my free time with him, and he has a reliable nanny when I’m at work.
I confronted my mom, and she insisted it’s for Jake’s best interest, saying she can offer him a better life. I told her I’d fight this with everything I have and that she’s crossed an unforgivable line. She accused me of being selfish and said the court would decide what’s best.
I’ve hired a lawyer, who says her case is weak, but the emotional toll is crushing. I can’t believe my own mother would try to take my son. I’ve decided to cut off all contact with her. I can’t trust her around Jake, and I need to protect him.
Some friends think I should try to resolve this amicably for Jake’s sake, saying he loves his grandma. Others support me, saying she’s gone too far. I’m torn because cutting her off feels so final, but I don’t see another way to keep us safe. AITA for cutting off my mom after she tried to take my son?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Absolutely NTA. Trying to take your child through the courts is a massive betrayal—protecting your son and your peace isn’t cruel, it’s necessary.
Do exactly what your lawyer tells you to do. Your mom is clearly unwell and will stop at anything to get your kid. I wouldn’t talk to her. I’m sorry this is awful. She clearly is trying to replace the child she lost.
NTA. How attached are you to where you live? After court is finalized and you have your son, I would consider moving away. Changing phone numbers and emergency contact information. Notifying the school that’s not to pick him up. If she’s this crazy already I’d be scared of her resulting to kidnapping after she doesn’t get her way.
NTA. Go NC. She’s not only trying to take your son but your identity as his mother. Stay away from her.
NTA. They aren't going to give her custody because you have a job lol. Honestly look forward to your court date. I forsee the judge tearing into your mom for trying this BS.
I would ask that lawyer if it's possible to get a restraining order against her. Due to her oversteps I wouldn't be surprised if she attempts to kidnap him. warn all his schools that she is NOT allowed to take him or sign him out.
Let her know, if she has DOCUMENTED proof that she is seeking help for her mental issues that MAYBE she can have supervised visitation so logn as she keeps to the boundaries you set. You are your sons mother not his sister. Your mother his his grandmother not his mom.
NTA. Ask those people how on earth you can resolve this amicably when your own mother is taking you to court for custody of your child. The only thing you can do is respond in court and have all interactions go through a lawyer now.
She did that, not you. She's also destroyed any chance of a relationship with you and your child. There is no coming back from this. Good luck. Your mum needs some serious therapy.
The friends who have taken the side of your mother are NOT friends. As for your mother, what she has done is basically a declaration of war. She thinks she will be a better mother to your son than you.
She has gone legal on you so you absolutely stop any direct communication with her. From now on, every thing is through a lawyer. I am sorry that your mother is such a vile snake.
NTA - Your friends are trash, get rid of them. Keep NC with your psychotic mother. And anyone who takes her side. She wants to kidnap your baby!!!! Try to get a restraining order against her!!! Lock down his school and everything else. This is psychotic!!!
The fact you are even questioning this shows how abused you were. Start gathering evidence if her controlling behaviour now and historical and cut all contact. She doesn't care about you, she has a replacement baby now she can start fresh with (in her mind).
Your failure to set boundaries has not helped her crazy behaviour, get therapy in place quickly, they may even help at court. Contact the police with concerns she will kidnap him and alert the schools.