'AITA for cutting off my mom after what she said about me on my wedding day?'

"AITA for cutting off my mom after she talked shit about me on my wedding day?"

My mom and I have never been the closest. I have a twin sister and pretty early on and throughout our younger years my mom favored my sister and my dad favored me. Well, my dad got sick a few years ago and unfortunately, he ended up passing away two months later.

My boyfriend (now husband) and I had been together for a few years by the time my dad got sick and discussed getting engaged so my dad could give his blessing and celebrate our engagement. The ring we ordered got delivered one week to the day before my dad passed.

Due to the circumstances and grieving my dad, we decided to not rush our engagement and plan the wedding for this past September. At the beginning of the planning process my mom seemed excited. She attended my dress fittings and asked questions about colors, bridesmaids, etc. Throughout the year and a half of planning she became very distant.

Everyone in my family was grieving different so I went about my life the way I found was best. We had spoken a few times before the wedding but could tell she was very short and uninterested with what I had to say. I invited her to my final dress fitting and during the appointment the only comment she made was “wow that’s a lot of boob”… it wasn’t.

I had asked my mom at that appointment if she could stay at our house the day of the wedding to help watch our dogs and she agreed. A week before she texted saying her sister is flying in for the wedding and needed to drive closer to the airport that night so she can no longer watch our dogs and that she would not be staying the entire wedding.

I was distraught but unfortunately not surprised by the way she’d been acting towards me the last year. Fast forward to the wedding. My husband and I laughed, we cried, we said I do. All was well.

A couple weeks after several of my friends had texted asking what was wrong with my mom the day of the wedding. They went on saying that every time someone went up to her saying how beautiful the bride was she would respond with “well have you seen my other daughter” or “my other daughter is so beautiful”. I had overheard her saying that once during the day but brushed it off.

My boss then approached me and told me that he and his girlfriend introduced themselves to my mom that day. My mom proceeded to say “do you know she has no education” and “well it’s crazy she makes more money than I do and I have a masters degree”.

The cherry on top was when we were cutting the cake, my wedding planner had announced the cake cutting while my husband and I were taking pictures. She turned to another one of my friends and goes “Ha do you think I have to stay for this?”. Needless to say I was a wreck after hearing all the comments.

What was supposed to be an important day for both of us and all she could do was make bitter comments. She had texted me about a month after the wedding asking why I hadn’t been texting her back in our family group chat. I responded just letting her know that I am distancing myself from our relationship due to the comments she made about me at the wedding.

She proceeded to go off saying that all the friends I’ve made since I moved away from home are liars and that everyone in my life has lied to me about what she said. That I shouldn’t trust anyone to tell me the truth but her. She said that my dad would be utterly disappointed in me for cutting out my own mother and how I’ve continued to make my dad sad.

She then ended the text by saying she doesn’t want to be in this world anymore thanks to me. I’m at such a loss. I’ve been going to therapy to try to figure out why she hates me as much as she does and what I did to make her hate me. We’ve concluded that because I was so close with my dad that she is associating me with him but that still doesn’t justify trying to humiliate me on my wedding day.

I feel like I’ve lost both my parents in the same timeframe. AITA for distancing myself from her to better my own mental health?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

BeneficialRip2369 said:

YOU ARE NOT THE AH. YOUR MOM IS. I couldn’t ever imagine even wanting to talk to my mom if she did that. She has serious issues.

CeramicSavage said:

Nta. She's a horrible person. What she did was unforgivable and you do not have to put up with her shit. You didn't do anything to make her hate you. She's a terrible person that emotionally abused you your entire life.

russtyy_shackleford said:

Obviously your friends wouldn’t all come together to make up this lie. I’m sorry you had to go through this, you are NTA!!!! Don’t let her “speak for your dad” you know that he loved you. While everyone does grieve differently, she’s giving off almost jealousy vibes? She has some issues she needs worked out.

Difficult-Bus-6026 said:

NTA. Your mother needs to fess up to what she said and apologize. Just curious as to how your relationship is with your twin and does she notice how your mother treats you?

OP responded:

My sister has been very supportive throughout this. We grew up with very different perspectives of our mom but neither view is very good. She does see her bitterness towards me and does what she can to try to defend me.

Fire_or_water_kai said:

NTA Your mom is a raging, manipulative a$$hole. One person might scheme to lie, but that many from one place...puh-lease. Whatever her issues are, they aren't yours. She needs to go figure it out. I'm sorry she tried so hard to ruin your say.

Irishsickboy said:

Twin here...first, totally nta. Second, what does your twin have to say about all this? It's obvious your mom is playing out some psychological issue SHE has and is taking it out on you and attempting to isolate you from everybody else (like your boss would straight up lie), but your sister should have a take on this. If she doesn't support you, wtaf?

My twin and I would never let this slide, and I had the same type of relationship with my mom that you seem to have with yours. He was the fav and I was not. He would still not let her get away with this...

OP responded:

My sister has been my savor through this all. She’s been defending me when needed and distancing herself as well. Although we had very different upbringings neither of us can say they were good so she is very sympathetic to me being upset over all of it.

Later, she shared this edit to her original post:

Edit: Thank you to everyone who commented and gave advice. This has all been a lot to process but needless to say distance is the best solution for my own wellbeing. I do not have an official update but will update in the future if anything newsworthy happens. To answer a couple questions that I have gotten in the comments:

1.) My sister has been amazing throughout this entire situation. She is my best friend and although we had very different perspectives of our mom growing up, neither of us had a picture-perfect childhood. She has defended me whenever my mom has made negative comments about me and is creating distances between their relationship as well.

2.) I put in my original post that she was distant and short with me during the year and a half after my dad passed. It would have created a much longer post had I went into all the details, and I was primarily focusing on the wedding situation. Our relationship had been straining for a while before the wedding due to her not allowing me to grieve.

Anytime I'd call her for comfort I would get comments like "you are so lucky he was only your dad and not your spouse" and "I do not understand why you're so upset when he was only your father". I ultimately knew me distancing myself from her was the end solution, but the wedding was the final straw.

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!