"AITA for not telling my dad he isn't getting the inheritance he's expecting?"

My mother died when I was 16. My dad married another woman two years later. My grandparents, my dad's parents, HATE my stepmother. I really don't like her either. Even after my half-siblings were born, my grandparents never warmed up to her.

My grandparents are quite wealthy. My father has been banking on this inheritance for a while. He has even been not paying into his retirement because he's so sure that he will inherit the millions. I just found out on Saturday that I'm getting the majority of my grandparents estate. My father is getting a token amount of $50,000 so he can't dispute it.

My grandparents made me promise not to give out any money after and I intend to keep my word. But I do feel really guilty that my father just spends his money as it's coming in because he's relying on money he won't get. I also found out my dad is in a lot of debt. AITA for not telling him?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

andromache97 said:

NTA. Your grandparents should be honest with your dad. By not telling him, they are setting you up for a LOT of drama after they die, and that's not fair to you. Your dad shouldn't be spending recklessly and counting on inheritance money to come in and fix everything. That's ridiculously irresponsible. Everyone in this situation is an a$$hole other than you.

medsizedtoberlerone said:

NTA: But you should talk to your grandparents and make sure they tell him before they pass and while they’re still in the right minds. Maybe even have an attorney present. If he’s as irresponsible as you say he is, then he will likely try to sue you for money when they pass. Families have been torn apart over sums totaling much less. Please protect yourself here.

OP responded:

I think this is my best option. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about dealing with my dad once he finds out. I'll need to talk to my grandparents.

crushedcayenne said:

If your grandparents aren't giving your father a heads up, so he can plan better, they are the AH. They don't have to say you're getting most of it, but even saying "fyi we have plans for most of our estate. Don't expect much."

Especially when children (even adult children) are involved, he and they might think their college fund or house downpayments might come from the inheritance. It's fair they know what's up.

purplesez said:

NTA. Your grandparents know what's up - it probably has a bit to do with the stepmother, but most likely your grandparents know what your dad's like with money and they don't want their hard earned and saved cash going to someone who will throw it away on dumb shit and be broke again in no time. Your father's irresponsibility is not your responsibility in this instance.

OP responded:

I think both my stepmother and dads irresponsibility has played a part in their decision. They did ask me a few years back how much of their inheritance I wanted. I told them I only wanted my grandfather's watches and book collection. And my grandmother's paintings. I didn't really expect their money. So I'm not sure why they set it up as they did.

iconoclast63 said:

NTA. But your grandparents are kind of cruel for letting him keep digging a deeper and deeper hole all the while knowing what he expects. They should go ahead and tell him so he can plan accordingly.

And RememberKoomValley said:

NTA. It's not *your* fight, the argument that would happen the minute you told him, and frankly if he's being so casual about his future I'm not sure he'd be safe to tell. Take him as an object lesson, though--work hard to ensure you have a safe future, 'cause nothing is certain.

He later shared this update on the situation:

A lot of people have asked me for updates so I thought id make one. It was kind of positive? I agreed with many comments in my first post where they said my grandparents were setting me up for drama. I talked to my grandparents and shared these concerns. They were understanding and setup a family meeting with them, their lawyer, my dad, his wife, and myself.

I was secretly hoping that my grandparents would get over some of their issues with my dad and his wife but nope. My dad's wife actually started crying and wailing when they revealed that I would be getting most of the inheritance. I could see my grandmother almost exploding. My dad to his credit, looked disappointed but said it was their money to do as they wished.

The new agreement is that my father will receive $75k, and each of my younger siblings will receive a 50K education fund. My dad's wife did call me a few days later and acted really foolishly. And she somehow thought that insulting my mother would help her.

I told her that if she ever said something bad about my mother again I would tell my grandparents about it. That seems to have shut her up. My relationship with my dad was never the greatest. But I haven't really seen any further decline in the relationship. But I feel a lot of relief now. Thanks everyone!