'AITA for staging an intervention and calling my daughter delusional?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for staging an intervention and calling my daughter delusional?"

I (50+m) have a daughter (26f). She is currently a tiktok influencer, and pregnant with a boy. She is obsessed with this influencing thing, everything being about the numbers. Her husband has been evicted to the attic, because he "ruins her aesthetic" that is for the videos.

He isn't allowed to bring his items or clothes outside of it, and whenever he as much as forgets a cup on the table, she will scream. My wife and I tried to guide her into therapy, and have been paying for the appointments, but we do not know if she has actually been going.

And now she is pregnant, which means it isn't just her and my son in law's problem, it is also a problem for my grandson. She wants no toys in the house for similar reasons, and has banned us from buying any. She doesn't want colorful baby clothes, because the baby will stand out on her videos too much. And then...Then there is the name: Rawbhynne Marveigh Lynter.

While I appreciate that the two middle names are comprised of the names of both sets of grandparents (Marvin and Leigh, Lynn and Peter), the amalgams are awful. And Rawbhynne is her spelling of Robin, because she "doesn't want her son to be a sidekick," whatever that means.

She doesn't care that he will get bullied, that his name will be mispronounced, misspelled, and a nightmare on any official capacity. That he will grow to be an adult with the name, instead of staying as a baby. It was the last straw.

So I staged an intervention after regular talking didn't work. I contacted everyone we both know, and even posted on Reddit to try to convince her that it's a fucking horrible idea, and that she needs to think of more than what will look nice for her tiktoks or get her more views. She will have a child, and that child's needs and wellbeing should be a priority.

Naming him a ridiculous word salad and depriving him of toys and joy is not an environment suitable for a child. She called me an asshole, and I called her delusional in return. I really don't think I'm the ahole here, but my wife's family seems to think I overreacted since it's "just a name."

But if she's willing to do all of this just for stupid views on an app, what else is she going to do to this child for the sake of her "influencing?" AITA?

EDIT:

Her and her husband have separated twice in the past, but always end up together again. They keep breaking up and rekindling over and over again. They had an impromptu marriage on valentine's day to "heal their relationship" as they now have a child on the way. The tiktok thing has been a frequent source of pain for them.

Here's what top commenters had to sat about this one:

the_purple_goat said:

NTA. This lady is being borderline abusive to her husband. How abusive is she going to be to her child? Her husband probably can't afford a divorce anyway--who the hell can afford two households these days?

So I think staging the intervention is the right thing to do. Now, nothing she is doing is illegal, but it definitely is wrong. All over stupid tiktok? She needs to wake up and join the real world, before she gets even worse.

Tar-Nuine said:

NTA. This behavior needs to be halted yesterday! What'll happen when the child makes a mess? What'll happen when they cry for toys and attention? Will she lock the child in a gray aesthetic soundproof room so they don't mess up her videos?

What'll happen when her traumatised child doesn't perform for the camera how she wants? This sounds like the origin story for a severely developmentally stunted kid locked in a room, deprived of parental affection.

KindlyCelebration223 said:

NTA. But her husband needs to consult a lawyer & separate now. This isn’t about their marriage. This is about protecting that child. He needs to get legal custody & a court order banning her from using the child in videos.

There are a million stories coming out from kids who are now old enough to discuss the hell their childhood was due to their influencer parent(s) exploiting them. Many earned their parents lots of money and have seen $0. They do not have the protections child actors have.

You may have to back up your SIL to make it legally binding your daughter doesn’t have the opportunity to exploit this baby.

ProfessionalGreen907 said:

NTA. I'm going to reiterate what someone else said though. If she has already cast out her husband and her future sons toys... what is she gonna do when little Robby is 16 and needs more space? She sounds like a cps call waiting to happen if everything you've said is true. Imagine the first time that baby throws up on her nice clothes? oh gosh the tragedy.

Very-last-boyscout said:

NTA. But shouldn't you have known better? Openly opposing someone like your daughter had to be futile. Is the stupid name the hill you want to die on? I'd be more concerned about other aspects of this poor little boy's life.

Are you prepared to alert the authorities in case all this really gets weird? Btw, "And Rawbhynne is her spelling of Robin, because she "doesn't want her son to be a sidekick", whatever that means." I'd say, that is a Batman-reference.

UPDATE:

This is a bit anticlimactic. We had a family meeting after my daughter's husband got out of work, and presented her the Reddit threads, as well as some stories that people shared in the comments. She was reading the comments for about an hour, while they kept pouring in, and it overwhelmed her.

Didn't help that I kept responding to comments during this time, which was stupid and inconsiderate of me, I did apologize to her, but she doesn't have it in her to forgive me at this moment.

At first she was very quiet, before admitting that she needed help. She said that she was struggling with feeling fulfilled after her work was made remote back in the original lockdown, and needed more things to do that separated work from home. It's where the influencing came in.

The numbers going up gave her the same reward that work used to, and she wanted to replicate it with a mommy blog as her other one stagnated. Her husband suggested that she picks up art again, and offered to buy her art supplies. She agreed.

Turns out that a lot of you were right, and that the names were inspired by the Twilight. She wanted to honour the grandparents, which was nice, but couldn't think of any names that fit. She also wanted a bird name as the first name, but didn't want a plain Robin.

One of my sons suggested the name Adler, as well as Arne, Arvid and Ari from my SIL's culture. And she agreed to one of them. I'm not going to reveal the new middle names for freshly discovered privacy reasons, but some of the comments in the tragedeigh side gave her good ideas.

My daughter seems so defeated now, but says it is because she didn't realise how much the numbers on her social media was taking her over. She agreed to delete the mommy blog at her husband's request, and she said she will limit her personal account to just the makeup and fashion content she used to do. Time will see how this goes.

My SIL is still apprehensive, as he's had to have been on eggshells in their home, and isn't happy about the tiktok at all with her past behaviour.

He says he wants this to work, which is why he married her despite everything, but that if she doesn't actually go to the therapy my wife and I paid for, he's going to look at options for leaving. He wants to say to one of the comments that he isn't a "wet blanket", but was just trying to keep his wife healthy for the sake of their unborn child.

Some of the comments regarding how creeps use mommy blogs as material for their unsavoury desires also was a wake-up call for all of us, and none of us will post photos or information relating to our family children online.

Wife is taking her shopping for baby clothes sometime next week, and she managed to convince her that toys are not "clutter," but necessary for kids. She reminded my daughter of her own favourite toys, and how upset she was when one of them disappeared. So while I was an ahole, it helped my daughter a little bit. Reddit helped a lot more, and I would like to thank you for indulging me in this.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

bathroomstallghost said:

I think it would be best to continue to talk about good childhood memories from you and your wife, both about your daughters childhood and yours. when the baby comes, DO NOT offer to take the baby.

instead bring a home cooked meal over occasionally or tell all 3 to go nap while you wash dishes or something. anything to give them support without making them feel like youre barging in. I think everything will end up okay with this.

_ShesARainbow_ said:

So glad to see a reasonable conclusion (fingers crossed) to this. You are a great dad and will be an awesome grandfather!

ThxItsadisorder said:

I didn’t think you were an ahole at all you described a very alarming situation that was escalating.

YuunofYork said:

You've done a good deed. Why can't people like this just save those names for hamsters or fanfic.

Later OP shared this update in a new post, titled "Daughter's New Name List."

Since people managed to successfully convince her not to use Rawbhynne, she is now asking for opinions about her "toned down" baby name list that she has for future kids. I told her it is not a good idea, but here we go:

Girls: Laureleigh Ashelynn Asheleigh Jiuliette Jiulianne Jiulileighlynn (I said it reminds me of ukulele)

Boys: Marteynn Petrynn Kartynn (I have no idea what it's trying to be) Oatley Huntre Pentti

No, they aren't typos. Yes, she still likes the double n too much. Yes, I know the answer. My daughter still desires opinions. Pentti is there as a joke as it's considered an "old uncle" type of name in her husband's culture, and I have some clients in their 60s with the name, but otherwise it's normal.

She's doing well in therapy despite this setback. Her current baby is still having a sensible name. She has some normal names on her list, like Jenna, Markus and Olli. So what do you think?

Edit: CRISIS AVERTED! Finnish naming regulations apply for non-citizens when the child is getting a Finnish ID. This has solved the entire problem for the foreseeable future.