'AITA for declining my sister's Thanksgiving invite due to her cats and dogs?'
"AITA for declining my sister's Thanksgiving invite due to her cats and dogs?"
Every year my (35M) wife and I rotate who's family we go to for thanksgiving. One year mine, the next year hers. This year is due to be with my family. Typically my parents host. This year my sister (29F) and husband asked to host and my parents okayed it. I declined and caused an uproar. I've been called an ahole, rude, etc.
My sister loves animals, and well...I don't. I rarely go to her house and when I do it's without my wife and kids. I find the fact she lets her cats into the kitchen and on the counters really gross.
Her dog is super obnoxious, not all that well behaved. It'll jump on you and that type of stuff. I wouldn't say it's dangerous, just annoying. When the news about who is hosting came to me, I discussed it with my wife, said let's go to your families and my wife was good with that. I let my parents know and they said I was overreacting.
They love her dogs so in my opinion, they have a distorted viewpoint. The news made it to my sister and she was not happy. I told her we would come if the animals stayed in another room (and didn't come out at all) and I could clean the kitchen.
She said I could clean all I wanted, but that was a disrespectful request to her family. I told her that her pets are not family to me and I don't want to spend time with them. Ive left it with the fact that I'm not going to my sisters, but my sister and parents are upset with my decision.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Witty-Stock-4913 said:
NAH, but I'm loving reading all of the differing viewpoints here. You don't have to eat at anyone's house. And you don't have to have a specific reason for it. She's welcome to live her life with her animals however she likes, you have no idea how she cleans her counters, etc.
NoHorseNoMustache said:
NTA: My mom has a fear of big dogs jumping on her. My dad's side of the family refused to put their giant, badly behaved Rottweilers in their fully furnished basement for a few hours so they wouldn't jump on my mom(or anyone else). They completely refused and got kind of offended at the suggestion.
We haven't talked to them in over a decade. If animals are more important than people to your family than they can keep the animals and you can associate with people whose priorities are in the right order.
WolfSilverOak said:
ESH. I have cats. I know full well they get on the counters even though they know better. It's why the counters get thoroughly cleaned and disinfected before cooking happens. Even with using cutting boards. My dog, who is large, is separated when we have company, because, even moderately well behaved, his size makes him a lot for most people.
You decided to go to the InLaws this year instead. Great! But the way you broke that news and the ultimatums you gave for you being willing to attend is aholish behavior. The reactions in return are also assholish, but given how you went about things, likely should have been expected.
Going to your In-laws instead is a good compromise. I'd do it more often, honestly. There's no law saying you absolutely have to have holidays with only one family, every year. Let them enjoy Thanksgiving without you all this year. But expect them to reciprocate when it's your turn to host.
Basic-Regret-6263 said:
NTA. You're not going no-contact over the pets, you're just choosing to eat at a different place. That being said, are you thinking long-term? Your parents are getting older, and it looks like they'd like to hand over the hosting duties to your sister - so what's your plan? Do you want to host during your family's turn for thanksgiving, and have her host during the ones you spend with the inlaws?
One-Food-9893 said:
NTA. Cats on the kitchen counter? Major gross out. Why is your family unable to accept basic domestic hygene and dog training. Hold your ground.
EmceeSuzy said:
YTA, not because of your decision but because you have absolutely zero tact. All you had to say was that you were changing the schedule because of some compelling, if invented, reason to go to your in-laws.
And if there is too much contact between the families for that to work you could have said this: My family is just not comfortable around pets so we are going to switch the holiday rotation this year.
Asking your sister to gate off her pets and to LET YOU CLEAN HER KITCHEN YOURSELF was vile. If you were a 10 year old boy raised by wolves that would be a ridiculous thing to say but according to your post you are a grown man.
KrofftSurvivor said:
NTA - Pet owners are welcome to say ~ the animals live here and you don't~ , and with that comes the reality that some people simply won't visit. I love cats, and I've had cats all my life. My best friend wound up with a cat allergy - we don't hang out at my house, and I bring the Claritin - because it does get on my clothes.