'AITA for defending my husband’s stair-sitting habits?' He can sit in the living room like an adult.'
"AITA for defending my husband’s stair-sitting habits?"
My parents came over to visit me and my husband at our mid-sized house. They’re great most of the time, but my mother is a bit of a perfectionist, or narcissist. I don't know how to explain it but she always tries to pick at something, no matter how minute or inconsequential, so she can show her "superiority."
Anyway, my husband has this quirk where he likes to hang out on the stairs. Sometimes he’s on the landing, sometimes the top, sometimes the bottom. He’ll sit, lie down, or even drape himself in weird positions. He’s not hurting anyone—it’s just him. It’s his way of chilling, and honestly, I find it endearing.
My mother was not a fan. She kept giving him side-eyes and finally said something like, “Why is he sitting there? He’s not a child. He can sit in the living room like an adult.” I shrugged and told her, “It’s our house. He can sit however and wherever he wants.”
That set her off. She started going on about how it’s “weird” and “not proper” and how it’s embarrassing that he acts like this. I didn’t budge—I wasn’t about to tell my husband where he can or can’t sit in his own home.
Things escalated, and eventually, she stormed out in a full-on hissy fit, saying she wouldn’t “be a part of this nonsense.” She took the car and went to a hotel in town, leaving my dad behind.
The thing is, she has no reason to go upstairs, so it's not like my husband was disrupting her. He was just using his phone (sometimes he reads books on the stairs too, but not this weekend). The only things upstairs are my husband’s office, our room, and a small half bathroom, (a half bathroom is a bathroom without any bathing utilities, just a sink and toilet.)
My dad and I had a great night catching up. He didn’t care one bit about the “stair thing” and just laughed it off. Now I’m left wondering if I was too harsh on my mom. I know she can be dramatic, but maybe I should’ve tried to smooth things over instead of digging my heels in.
I get it's not traditional (I can't find the right word, correct, professional, formal?) but he's my family too, and it's our house. He can do whatever he likes.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PracticallySkeptic said:
NTA. The only thing I can conclude from your story is that your mom really does find things to pick at so that she can obtain compliance and master the situation. So she found a thing to pick at, and she tried, and she failed, and it was a big shock, very uncomfortable, so she freaked out. It's 100% her fault.
I would go forward as if nothing happened and let her bring it up if she must. Otherwise just ignore, as if she was a kid who had some strange tantrum and now it's done.
Rare_Sugar_7927 said:
NTA. I think you handled it perfectly. And I think this needs to happen more often, every time she picks at something kicking up a stink, the response should be a calm "this is how we do things" and let her leave.
Don't chase after her, just carry on enjoying whatever is going on. Then when she comes back, don't make a big deal of it. Like nothing happened, no acknowledgement of her return and definitely no apologies.
A narcissist doesn't like not being the centre of everything, so if you stop buying into her drama, maybe she'll learn to behave...and if not, you get a few hours of peace while she sulks.
Advanced-Power991 said:
NTA, his house, he can drape himself over any part of it however he wants, including sleeping on the floor if he wants. your house, your rules. Mom doesn't like it well then she is free to leave.
GuyFromLI747 said:
NTA...I grew up sitting on the stairs reading books...it’s comfy to lean an elbow back resting on the stairs reading...like you said it’s his home and your home and y’all can do in it what you like.
Gertrude_D said:
NTA. This is not your problem. Your father didn't feel the need to smooth things over and wasn't bothered by her leaving, so why should you be? If mom wants to visit with you, then she can return anytime she wants. Would you give in to a toddler having a tantrum about not getting sweets?
Seven_bushes said:
NTA. My cousin had a house with a somewhat closed in kitchen. The stairs to the second story were to the side, so when we’d gather we’d just naturally gravitate to the steps so we could talk with whoever was in the kitchen. Even her dog, a black lab, would sit on the stairs with us, his butt on one step and his feet 2 steps lower. Nobody ever had a problem with it. Your mom would’ve hated it.
Only-Memory2627 said:
NTA. Good for you! Please notice your mother spun herself into a frenzy and your father did not engage. You can also refuse to participate in her little dramatics. Of course your husband can sit where he wants.
I think her subtext was, why hasn’t your husband come and taken a seat in the living room to talk with me as a formal guest. Not an unreasonable expectation from a parent, but also, not crucial to confirm. It seems like he was close enough to participate if he wanted to or you wanted him to.
EchoVeili said:
NTA. Your house, your rules. I totally get the comfort of quirky spots; I sit on my kitchen counter all the time. Your mom’s reaction seems more about control than concern. Stick to what makes you and your husband happy in your own space.