Destination bride's mom pays for sisters' fights and hotels, 'she told me to have a courthouse wedding.' AITA?
"AITA for being upset that my mom paid for my sisters' luxury trip but told me to just have a courthouse wedding?"
My fiancé (33M) and I (30F) are having a destination wedding in Cancun this October. We’re paying for everything ourselves, including first-class flights and an upgraded two-story villa for our honeymoon after four days. We intentionally wanted a destination wedding to keep it intimate.
From the start, my mom (60F) made it clear she thought we were spending too much money on this wedding (I never told her the cost) and suggested we skip the wedding altogether—just do a courthouse ceremony and a honeymoon instead because that’s what she did for both of her marriages.
She even offered to stay home with our baby so we could go alone. We politely declined and moved forward with our plans because I want my mother AND child at my wedding. My two sisters (late-30s, early 40s) want to come but couldn’t afford it.
I told my mom that if they couldn’t, that was okay since we weren’t expecting everyone to make it and that in no way do I want her paying for them. She always runs to me and complains anytime they don’t pay her back. My mom initially seemed on board with this, even trying to find ways to cut costs for herself.
Then, out of nowhere, she booked first-class flights and a two-story villa for herself AND both my sisters. Not just covering their trip but giving them the same luxury experience we planned for our honeymoon. She booked our exact flights and the most expensive room at the resort.
And now she says she’s putting them on “payment plans” to pay her back when they can set up their own. Like I get it, she wants the luxury experience too, but to foot the costs for them sucks.
I can’t shake the feeling that she’s trying to upstage my wedding and honeymoon. My fiancé and I just had a baby and we're stretching ourselves to afford the upgrades and the wedding just to make things special.
She didn’t offer to help us financially at all, but suddenly has the money to upgrade herself and my sisters. It stings, especially since she acted like spending money on this trip was such a burden before. AITA for feeling some type of way about this? Or am I overthinking it?
EDIT:
I noticed I missed some very important context. I never wanted to not include my sisters. I want them at my wedding. I took time to notify them almost a year before the wedding. Both are gainfully employed. They have adequate time to plan. I was very transparent w/how much it will cost them, ways to save money for the trip, best times to book etc.
They never pay my mom back. It’s usually the topic of discussion for MONTHS so much it stresses me out. I want her to have the vacation she wants, and they have what they can afford. Weddings are stressful enough and I need them for moral support instead for the whole process.
This will just be another thing I have to hear about for the rest of the year and maybe the rest of our lives because it’s my wedding. My fiancé and I also asked our parents if they would be willing to contribute before any wedding planning. They said no. We said “yep” haha.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Both-Buffalo9490 said:
She’s undermining you. Don’t spend your honeymoon with them around. Leave to a different hotel.
Jokester_316 said:
NTA, but it's her money. She can do as she pleases. Just don't let her vent to you when your sisters don't pay her back in a timely manner.
So_Bai said:
Unless there is more to the story YES you are overthinking it. You lost me at you telling your mother what to do with her money. That's no different than her telling you what to do with your money (you are both the same in that aspect).
I also don't get why you are upset that your mom is paying for your sisters do attend your wedding. Do you not want them to be there? If so you should have said that or not sent them an invite.
Perhaps your mother mentioned a courthouse wedding because she knew that your sisters couldn't afford to attend and was thinking it would be important for family to be there. When you indicated that the destination was an important thing to you, your mother accepted it and found a way for family to still attend. I don't understand your gripes here.
Cocoasneeze said:
YTA. It's clear you didn't really want your sisters to come yo your wedding, just your mom. You just didn't want to say it out right and face the backlash. You decided to have the kind of wedding you knew they couldn't afford. But then you got upset when your mom made it possible that they could come, and imaging their trip enjoyable too. Why?
Did you expect your mom to pay for portions of your wedding at the expense of her and your sisters not affording to come to your wedding? What exactly did you expect? And did you express these expectations to your mother?
Lycaenini said:
YTA. You don't care that your sisters cannot afford coming to your wedding. Now that your mom pays for them you are jealous and worried that your mom wants to upstage you?
Your mom spends a lot of money so she and your sisters can be at your destination wedding. She would not take this trip if it wasn't for your wedding. You should do some deep dive into your mind why you are this jealous of your sisters.
Brave_Cauliflower_88 said:
YTA. There is no f-ing winning with you. You are the idiot who decided to have a destination wedding. Now you are upset your mother is putting up the money to allow your two sister's to go to your wedding. Honestly you need to grow the f up.
1indaT said:
YTA. Sorry, but your mom offered to stay home and take care of your baby. You declined. You also kept the costs private. Now that your mother is coming to your wedding, she booked something lovely and is bringing your sisters. What are you complaining about?
Big_lt said:
Going with YTA. Why do you care if your mother bought first class and a villa? Just ignore her complaining when they aren't paying back. It's her money she can do with it what she wants. You seem overly invested in her financials.