Angered after holistic cancer therapy from 'lying chiropractor,' sibling refuses to attend mom’s funeral. AITA?
"AITA for missing my mom’s funeral?'
LimitlessForever16
My mom recently passed away while living with my younger sister. I was present during Mom’s final moments, and am grateful that my hero and angel is now at peace.
My mom had stage one cancer last year. Her team of doctors believed it was curable. My sister, however, encouraged her to follow a holistic cancer therapy recommended by a chiropractor.
He prescribed juice, daily coffee enemas, and periodic blood tests. I told my mom the therapy was considered ineffective. She replied that she would try it until she knew for sure.
Last October and again in March, the chiropractor told Mom she was nearing remission, because his blood tests showed a miraculous reduction in cancer cells. Mom excitedly told many people about her results, and gave his number to anyone who asked.
In April, Mom had a stroke, yet my sister, who was her health care proxy, refused to bring her to the hospital. After finally admitting her to the hospital in May, the doctors recommended hospice, because imaging tests revealed the cancer had spread throughout her entire body.
My sister told me not to visit her home while my mom was in hospice there. We disagree on politics, philosophy, and most everything else. I defiantly made the trip, and spent several days by Mom’s bedside, telling her sweet things like how much I loved her.
I tried very hard not to anger my sister, yet almost got kicked out when I told her my dogs had better end-of-life care. My sister prevented Mom from seeking proper care for over a year, and further denied the comfort medications prescribed by hospice, despite her flailing and tears.
Instead she forced her to eat apple sauce, thinking this would restore Mom’s health, but it ultimately led to her last breath. My other siblings are in denial. They are anti-vax, pro-insurrectionists, who blame the hospital for Mom’s death. And they all reminded me, this was Mom’s choice.
My sister has planned a celebration of life, in Mom’s hometown, where I still live. I will not be attending, because I will not endure all of the lies that will be shared at the event.
And even though I was invited, I was warned not to share my story. I’m choosing to celebrate Mom’s life by reporting the chiropractor for practicing oncology without a license. I am choosing to spare my sister.
I will not report her and her family for elder abuse, because it would destroy what’s left of my dear Mom’s family. I send them peace, love and blessings from afar until I can actually begin to speak with them again. Your thoughts?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Active-Anteater1884
NTA, but your family's not wrong. Your mom chose to rely on a chiropractor to help cure her cancer. Unless she was mentally incapacitated in some way, this was her choice. She must have known about your sister's asinine medical POV, yet decided to give your sister medical power of attorney.
Again, unless she was mentally incapacitated, this was her choice. Your sister denying your mom pain meds at end of life is the cruelest fucking thing I've ever heard. I'm sorry this happened.
sanslover96
NTA.
I am so so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to loose your mother and hero due to other people lies and lack of care.
I do understand that you want to keep your Mom's family together, but if you have evidence and it's not too painful to you I would reconsider reporting your sister for elder abuse, as if not for her actions there is big possibility there would be no reason for you to try and keep your family together.
There is also some scary possibilities that your sister will spreading her own narrative and keep on praising the fake oncologyst, making other desprete people fall for their lies. But no matter what you will choose to do, again I am very sorry for your loss and hope you will have time to grieve your mother in peace.
Longjumping-Lab-1916
My sincere condolences to you. I can't begin to imagine how upset with all your siblings you must be on top of mourning your mom. Something similar happened to the father of friend: his GF convinced him to forego cancer treatment offered by oncologists and to do some holistic BS.
My friend did everything she could to change his mind, to no avail. Yes, he died when he might have lived. Good on you for reporting the chiropractor. By not attending you are protecting and caring for yourself which is exactly what you need to do right now. NTA.
darkblueshapes
Holy moley that chiro needs to be in jail. Like, it’s one thing to make the woo woo herbal suggestions, it’s another entirely to intentionally misinterpret blood tests and tell someone they are getting better!!! That’s is so insane!!
NTA. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. It’s clear these people are full of brain rot and it will not benefit anyone for you to suffer a service that will inevitably be full of lies. Choose something to do for yourself that will make you feel close to your mom’s spirit and allow you to begin healing.
omeomi24
NTA - Your sister denied your mother the meds provided by hospice care? Those meds are pain killers and calmatives....they are meant to reduce the horrific pain of end stage cancer. She abused your mother by withholding medication to ease suffering. I wouldn't go, either, if I were you.
SusanfromMA
I am very sorry for your loss. NTA and don't attend, there would only be trouble with emotions being high and surrounded by - well, idiots. Keep in mind, your mother made a choice to go down this path and stay on it.
Not_a_wannabe
It's not about you, it's about your mother. Go, if you still can, don't stay away. For similar reasons I missed my dad's funeral 25 years ago, and I still regret it. Honor your mother, avoid the siblings, and if you have to interact with them, just don't talk.