'AITA for ditching lunch with friends?' 'They brought a DOG.'

"AITA for ditching lunch with friends because of one them brought a dog?"

So some people in my friend group and I met up at a restaurant for lunch the other day. It was a newer place and looked kinda interesting so we wanted to try it out. One friend was a bit late and ended up arriving last, and she had her dog with her.

For some background, I have trauma related to dogs and being bitten as a kid, and to this day I get very very anxious and scared around dogs, even smaller ones. I told my friend this when I found out she was a dog person and owned two, and we've always organized things so that I pretty much wouldn't be around them.

I've always appreciated her respecting my boundaries and making an effort to make me comfortable. But yeah that day she came to lunch with a very large dog (can't give details on what breed, I barely know anything about that stuff sorry) and as soon as I saw it I felt so uneasy.

We had a table outside the restaurant, so the dog would be next to us the whole time we ate, and that thought really made me panic. Another friend noticed I was very on edge and asked if I was fine.

I told him I was sorry and I had to leave, he made the connection with the dog and said it was totally fine and he understood. I told everyone bye and left (I hadn't ordered yet).

Everyone seemed chill about me leaving, but later on I got a text from my friend, the dog owner, telling me she felt really disappointed that I'd ditched them just because she'd brought her dog. She said I overreacted, that she understands I get stressed but that the dog is well trained and well mannered, and I wouldn't have even noticed it being there after a while.

She said that overall my reaction seemed over the top and disrespectful. Now I'm not sure, like of course I don't blame her for bringing her dog, that's a me problem, she shouldn't always have to accommodate me.

Maybe I should've tried to tolerate it and tried to forget it was there? I don't know, I thought me leaving was fine but I'm worried I might've actually offended her in some way. Am I the ahole?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

WhitePersonGrimace said:

NTA, your friend is being unreasonable. You didn’t scream or otherwise make a scene, and you didn’t insist that she leave and take her dog with her. You took responsibility for your own trauma and politely excused yourself from a situation that was untenable for you.

I don’t know if your friend was being thoughtless or playing some kind of weird game of chicken with you, but either one is a pretty bad look. And then to message you afterwards about disrespect? That’s hypocritical to the max.

Noaholehere said:

Your "friend" doesn't get to decide if you are comfortable around dogs or not. That's for you to decide. My aunt was attacked by a doberman when she was around age 40. She is still terrified of dogs 50 yrs later. NTA.

SimpleIngredients509 said:

If you’re not comfortable, you’re not comfortable. You have the right to remove yourself and I’m proud that you were able to protect yourself. I think it was rather rude that the friend brings a dog without prior notice.

I’m sorry you weren’t able to enjoy a meal with your friends but I wouldn’t want to spend money on food that I will probably get sick from indigestion from when eating out is not cheap nowadays. You’re NTA.

Willing_Card6893 said:

NTA but she is big time!!! You didn’t make a scene or even comment on the dog. You gracefully removed yourself from the situation. Your “Friend” is out of line telling you how to react in an uncomfortable situation and it wasn’t disrespectful at all. Friend respect each others boundaries.

Hawaiianstylin808 said:

I don’t think dogs belong in a restaurant where people are eating. That’s just me. I might have left too. And I have a dog! You were polite and excused yourself and didn’t put it on anyone else. NTA.

sarahmegatron said:

NTA. You were uncomfortable and you politely made your exit, and that’s exactly what you should have done. Your friend knows that it’s her fault you left, and she probably doesn’t want the guilt/blame for that because everyone else wanted to spend time with you as well (likely more than they were interested in spending time with her dog).

Also maybe another friend mentioned that she should leave her dog at home next time, and she wants you to agree to tolerate the dog so she can get her way and show that it actually wasn’t rude to bring an unnecessary animal to a restaurant. Whatever the case, you did nothing wrong, and you were in no way disrespectful or rude.