Divorced dad asks if he's wrong to refuse to contribute cash to daughter's wedding.
Should you be expected to chip in towards your daughter's wedding if you can't even be there to see the special day?
So, when a conflicted dad decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As%hole' about his daugther's wedding-related financial expectations, people were ready to help deem a verdict.
AITA for not contributing to my daughter’s wedding?
I (55M) have a daughter (29F) who is getting married next year. I was an involved dad when she was young and we were close. But when she was in her teens I cheated on her mother.
My daughter didn’t accept the divorce well. What she didn’t and still doesn’t understand is while her mother might be the best mother in her eyes, my ex wasn’t the perfect wife.
I’m not saying what I did was right and I’m not trying to wiggle out of accepting responsibility for my decision to cheat. If I had a chance to do things differently I would’ve divorced her mother first.
It took me years of counselling to get over PTSD from my ex wife’s emotionally abusive behavior. I tried my best to stay in my daughter’s life but since she was old enough to decide, court couldn’t enforce visitation.
I paid child support and extra on top for extra curriculars. I was involved in her life as much as she would let me. Periodically I would reach out and kept the door open. We catch up once in a while.
Now, last catch up she tells me she’s getting married. I know of him but I’ve never been introduced to her fiancé. I won’t receive an invite to her wedding. But she asked if I can contribute.
This just rubs me the wrong way. I want to support her, I really do. But I’m sick of being her wallet. I told her I would think about it and she said I suck as a dad if I don’t support her.
AITA for not forking out for the wedding? I’m at the point where I just want to remove her from my will and leave everything to my nieces and nephews.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:
BoyoDee said:
I’m gonna try to just focus on the conflict at hand when judging you and not so much about what lead to your divorce otherwise this might be too hard for me to write in a way that’s easy to follow.
I will say NTA for the question asked. While your actions have been as sh*tty as you claim your ex wife’s to have been, if not more, I don’t see why anyone should fork up money to a wedding they know they aren’t even invited to.
Trevena_Ice said:
NTA. She only sees you as her wallet, yes. She wants money but you don't get an invetation. Forget it. Say her, you tried to reach out and have a relationship with her, she didn't want that.
You wish her all the best for her wedding, her new partner and the new chapter in her live, but you won't be in it, if she doesn't want you there.
And so she doesn't feel guilty you are not paying her for the wedding. An other idea would be to give her money but tell her, it is the ony inheritance she will ever get.
underratedspooks said:
NTA it's unreasonable of her to expect you to fund a wedding that you aren't invited to. It was wrong of you to cheat and explains your lack of a close relationship but even then you aren't obligated to finance an event you can't attend.
Ok-Classic8323 said:
NTA. She is not inviting you to her wedding but she wants you to contribute. OK a minor AH for cheating before you divorced.
I assume you told her why you cheated and what her mother was like when you were married? Why should you pay out for her wedding when she has cut you off? Walk away change your will.
MutantRedhead said:
I would have simply replied, “So, you want me to help pay for a wedding I’m not allowed to attend?” No.
shenanigansco34 said:
NTA. No invite no money. She only wants you in her life as a wallet.
SeparateDisaster2068 said:
NTA…won’t be getting an invite but expecting you to financially contribute …NOPE , not how it works !!!
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this dad wouldn't be wrong to veto the financial help considering the lack of invitation. While his daughter has every right to exclude him based on the relationship, asing for money is off the table.