DNA kit confirms that woman's dad isn't her biological father, 'My dad deserves to know but I'm scared.' AITA?
"AITAH I haven’t told my dad that I’m not his biological daughter and my mom is a cheater?"
So I (F35) found out that my Dad (M63) isn't my biological father. My Parents have been married since 1983. They were very young and honestly I don't think either one was ready for such a commitment but that is beyond the point. Back in 2018 my family was given 23 and Me DNA kits for christmas.
I got the results in 2019 but nothing crazy was revealed. I was matched immediately with my mom but had a big question mark for dad. I thought it was weird that my dad didn't come up but when I questioned my parents about it my mom (F 57) said it was because my dad had his profile blocked. I didn't know how any of this worked and it seemed legit.
(Just FYI my mom controls both hers and my dads accounts because my dad isn't tech savvy.) I dropped it and life went on. Fast forward to this past August, I hadn't logged into my 23 and me account since 2019.
I don't know what got into me but on my 35th birthday I was clearing out my social media email account and saw a notification from 23 and me saying I had a 2nd cousin wanting to connect.
I logged on and saw 20 new notifications of DNA matches and messages going back to 2021. I clicked on it and sorted all matches by strength of relation and boom I find out I have a Half Brother. Apparently he had reached out to me the year prior. Honestly, I first thought he was my dad's son.
My whole life my mother had put it in my head and in my siblings heads that my dad was a cheater and he may have illegitimate children. So even though it was a shock it wasn't too out there. My half brother (let's call him John) and I started chatting back and forth.
John disclosed to me that he grew up with his biological father. Confused, I started digging deeper into my DNA matches. I found lots of family I shared with John but none were familiar to me.
My parents were traveling for a month and then we had a slew of birthdays so I didn't have a chance to talk to my mother in private until recently. My mother confessed that she had cheated on my dad but that she truly believed that nothing had come from those affairs. She said that my dad had no idea that she had ever cheated on him.
I asked her about my biological father and her response was that she had met alot of ppl through work and that it was nothing serious, just a friend she used to go to for male attention.
I asked if my older sister (F37) was my dad's bio daughter but she replied that now she is unsure of my sister's paternity and isn’t even sure if we even share the same biological father. I am completely heart broken and torn. I love my Dad and I know this will break his heart.
My mom asked me what I wanted her to do. If I wanted to go public but she warned me that this news will break many hearts. I hate that she put that on me. I told her I needed her to think about all this too and it will be her choice when and how my dad and younger siblings (F30 and M29) find out.
I also told her I am going to continue to get to know my half siblings. My dad deserves to know but I am scared of breaking up my family. I know I told my mom to decide but I feel like an AH for not telling my dad right away. What should I do? AITAH?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mspooh321 said:
Mom is a manipulative pos...cheated, had a child on her husband twice (yes he loves you, but it was wrong on HER part), and then tries to emotionally manipulate you into feeling bad about her revealing her secrets to your dad.
Big_lt said:
Tell your father but say to him you're still his daughter and you view him as dad even if it's not blood. Your mother is a major AH not only for cheating and having 2 kids due to it but also trying to convince you and your siblings your father was unfaithful.
Pretty_Little_Mind said:
Your mother is manipulating you. If she was so concerned about breaking hearts, she should have thought about that before she cheated multiple times, and from the sounds of it, with multiple partners.
Consistent_Ad5709 said:
I think you should talk to your siblings so they all can get tested, and then talk to your dad once y'all all know.
No-You5550 said:
So your mom always accused you father of cheating and tried to turn you kids against him. While she has cheated with multi men and doesn't know who the bio dad's are. When she is caught she guilt you into believing if you tell dad it's your fault for breaking up the family.
I would call a family meeting and tell them the truth about mom and I would feel no guilt. Your dad is your dad no matter who is the bio father. Has he not been mistreated by mom enough. He has the right to decide how he wants to deal with his marriage.
SnooWords4839 said:
Your mom is the problem here. She wants to keep her secrets and is trying to make you feel guilty to expose her. Go to dad and get him to go into his profile. Mom is hiding more than your bio dad.