'WIBTA if I don't include a lonely acquaintance in D&D night because he's a bad person?'
"WIBTA if I exclude a lonely acquaintance from the D&D group"
Dandelionliquor says:
I am a dungeon master for a group of 30-something gay guys that meets regularly. One of the people in the group is my bestie; he and I have known each other for a while, so our friend groups overlap a lot.
Lately, he’s been asking me to invite one of his friends to our D&D group. The thing is, that friend and I don’t really vibe together, and we have different public energy. I have met this friend before, and I don’t really like the way he acts toward other people.
The first time I met him was at KBBQ, where he apparently hated the idea of cooking for himself and berated the server in front of the whole restaurant, saying, “My own mother would never make me cook for myself.” I tipped the server 100% and apologized.
Another time, we were out at a bar where he tried to subtly berate another patron’s look—to their face—like he’s from Mean Girls or something. Needless to say, I don’t really want to spend much time with this guy unless I have to.
Recently, though, my bestie said this acquaintance has been extremely lonely after breaking up with his long-term boyfriend and then with two more boyfriends within a year. My bestie said he’s worried about his friend’s mental health because he hasn’t gone out with people in a while.
So, I checked out his socials. While I’m no therapist, I would say, yeah, his life is spiraling out of control, and I think he may have even started a drug habit. Now my bestie wants to bring him into our D&D group.
Here’s the conflict: while I do want this guy to get the care he needs for his current state, I don’t really want him in the D&D group, given how he’s acted in the past. Also, I don’t know if he’d actually enjoy D&D anyway.
But it feels kind of a$%#olish to exclude someone who is suffering a mental breakdown, potentially making him feel even worse. Will I be the a^#$ole if I say no, he’s not invited to the group?
Here are the top rated comments:
Cavane42 says:
NTA. Dude is lonely because he treats other people badly. Until he figures that out and makes some changes, all that will be done by bringing him into your group is giving him additional people to mistreat.
BedroomEducational94 says:
NTA. There's a saying I really enjoy that would apply here and it is "I hope that you eat, just not at my table." You have the right to keep your peace in the face of this individual's chaos. It is okay to say you wish him the best but don't want it to come at your expense.
not_quite_today says:
You're NTA, but can I suggest bringing in the guy just for a oneshot? That way you're making a bit of an effort for your friend and letting the rest of the group in on it.
Who knows, maybe the acquaintance will hit it off with a group member and make a friend. Maybe your bestie will see his friends behavior in a group setting. Ofc you don't have to do this, but it might be something to consider.
Kingofgrace says:
You wouldn't be the a^%$ole for saying no. It's your group, and you’re not obligated to invite someone you’re uncomfortable with, even if they’re going through a rough time.