'AITA for not wanting another child with my wife? ADVICE NEEDED'
"AITA for not wanting another child with my wife? ADVICE NEEDED."
I (34m) have been telling my wife for years I did not want more children. We have an 8yr old boy who is autistic and requires extra attention and a 4-yr old girl who’s personality makes her a handful. After the birth of our son and finding out he was autistic I decided more kids probably wouldn’t be in our future.
He was nonverbal basically until the end of kindergarten, and again just requires extra attention if we want any hope of him being able to have any sort of life after my wife I are gone. I was already pressured into giving her our daughter. We fought and fought about it and I ultimately caved in.
For a while after our daughter was born, I resented her though. That passed in a few weeks, and I let my love for her show finally. Now 4 years later I’m in the same scenario. My wife wants another child, but I do not. Kids are exhausting, expensive and require a level of attention I sometimes struggle with.
Not only that I feel we are not financially stable. We live with my in-laws so granted we aren’t very hard off, we just don’t have any hope of ever getting a place of our own as we live in probably the most expensive state in the US.
My 80k/ yr here doesn’t do much. On top of that she refuses to think of a life away from her mom and flat out denies any sort of idea that requires us moving and starting our own life. She says she doesn’t want to be away from her mom because she won’t live forever. Keep in mind I am 1600 miles away from my closest family member, and I go years without seeing them and that breaks my heart.
Here's the advice people had for OP:
How old is your wife? She can’t have a baby when she’s older. Think this through to see you can afford another child. Go over the numbers with her.
CollectzPoke OP:
41
He doesn't want one. Period.
NTA but damn dude not one mention of love or warmth for your kids or wife at all in your post. It sounds like you're still resentful of your wife and kids, too. Please consider getting some personal therapy to help.
CollectzPoke OP
my kids are my world, without them i really dont know what i would be doing in life. they are my motivation to move up in the world. it helped me get 4 promotions in 6 years at work. i love my wife but we have a history of arguing. i already get therapy.
You dont want more kids. Period. Dont have them
Dude, it’s time to get a vasectomy. Just do it and move on. NTA
My cousin and his wife had three children when he went and got snipped. Their fourth is named Connor. A recheck determined his swimmers were still swimming...
NTA Schedule a vasectomy first thing tomorrow. And press for the earliest possible appointment. Otherwise, I see a "surprise" pregnancy in your future.
YTA idk what everyone else is thinking or if I'm misreading something but YOU decide to have a son with you're wife. YOU decided to have a daughter with your wife. I don't care if you never wanted children. You have them, so if your wife wants another, can you freaking blame her? She already has TWO of YOUR children.
If you don't want more, that's fine, and you're never the AH for being honest about your wants and needs, but either get a vasectomy and live with the consequences or have an honest conversation with your wife about how you will never have more children. Maybe I'm delusional but this seems cut and dry that YTAH