'AITA for not wanting my half brothers to come on a trip with me and my uncle?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wanting my half brothers to come on a trip with me and my uncle?"
I (15M) and three older half-brothers, twins (Max and Jake, 18M) and Shane (16M). We have the same mother but they have a different father. Max, Jake and Shane's father is very involved in their life, and they live with him every other week. On the other hand, I have a deadbeat absent father that I never see.
I have no relationship with half-brothers' father. My half brothers definitely do not treat me the same way they treat each other. I have friends who have older brothers who are supportive and hang out with them and are there for them, and mine are nothing like that.
Often when Max, Jake and Shane are at their dad's I spend the weekend with my uncle (mom's brother). Because of that my uncle and I are very close. One of the things we do together is watch NASCAR, since he's made me a fan. It's our thing. As far as I know my half-brothers don't watch nascar, I've never watched a race with them at least.
Next week Max, Jake and Shane were suppose to be at their dads'. My uncle was going to take me to the NASCAR race in Atlanta that weekend, just him and me. However, my brothers' dad has had to go away on some business trip I guess, meaning they aren't going to their dad's next week. Since they'll be here, my Uncle also invited them to come to the Atlanta race with us.
I don't want them to come. When they went to Europe, or Florida, or skiing, or New York, or any of the other trips they take with their dad I don't get invited. They go away with him two or three times a year. I've never been away because my mom can't afford it, this will actually be my first time on a plane. they get everything. This is one thing I had, just my uncle and I, and he just invited them.
Since they're going I no longer want to go, and I'm considering telling my uncle that tomorrow. When he told me they were coming he could see I wasn't happy - he knows how I feel about my relationship with them. But he said since they're home he can't not invite them it wouldn't be fair. but its not my fault their dad is going away.
I know my uncle can't uninvite them now, so I really think I'd just prefer to stay home and not go. WIBTA if I told my uncle I don't want to go and instead stayed home?
OP offers this explanation as to why he might be the AH:
I might be the AH because my uncle did go through the effort of planning this trip for me, and he is also my half-brother's uncle. it might be unfair to make him choose between them and me.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NAH. I understand your half brothers are enjoying things your not because of their dad. However, you have to look at this from your uncle’s perspective. He has 4 nephews not 1 nephew and 3 half nephews, but 4.
He is helping his sister by providing things for you because his sister can’t afford trips and her other kids are getting very nice trips. If he were to only take one nephew, the other 3 may feel as if you are favorited over them. If you truly don’t want to go then don’t, but you shouldn’t let the presence of your half brothers ruin something that you would enjoy.
Hey, maybe being excluded from the trip might be a little wake up call to the half-brothers for how they treat OP. If they're okay with excluding him, then surely they wouldn't mind being excluded from something, right? Right?
Ops mom was only d8vorced a few months before op was born. And while op doesn't know for sure it's suspected mom cheated on the older threes dad. And no uncle should not excluded his nephews because his sister choose poorly for a baby daddy for op. The older three also spend about 365 days a year for 16 years together. They are only around op for half a year.
So what if she did cheat? That's among her, her ex and any higher power she may believe in. It still remains the half-brothers purposefully exclude the OP. I get they're all under the same roof for only half of each month. I still think a taste of their medicine wouldn't hurt them. Again, if they don't mind excluding someone, then they shouldn't mind being excluded.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Go on the trip and enjoy it.
2 weeks later OP came back with this update:
After reading the comments, I realized it wasn't my place to ask my uncle not to invite my brothers, as he is also their uncle. Also if I chose not to go it would just be denying myself something I really wanted to do and would upset my uncle, which I didn't want, so I decided to go to the nascar race. I also decided against saying anything further at that time.
The days before we left it felt like my brothers were being nicer than usual, so that was cool. they added me to their group chat 'so that it would be easier to keep in contact on the trip' (the reason they gave). I roomed with one of my older brothers, Max, in the hotel.
On Saturday we went to the racetrack for the first races. I was getting food when I accidentally cut the line (I thought the people standing in front had already ordered). someone pointed it out to me and I went to the right spot in line.
There was a guy in line who was super mad, going on about how I was a little a^&%ole and only apologized because I got caught and he walked up to me yelling. And then Max appeared and told the guy to calm down and to stop yelling at me.
He kept yelling at me and max stood between me and the guy and told him 'if you say another thing to my little brother were going to have a problem' and the guy finally backed off. I've never seen Max as mad as he was right then over that guy yelling at, and it mean a lot the way he jumped in.
Back in our hotel room that night I was thanking Max again for standing up for me earlier and he told me as his brother he'd always do that for me. It seemed like the right moment, so I finally took the advice and opened up to him. I told him that I wished me, him, Jake and Shane hung out more together - and I'd like doing more stuff with him and them.
We talked for a long time about our relationship. Max then talked to Shane and Jake, because the next day they both apologized for me having felt left out as well. When we flew back home Max had told Jake more of what I had said (he asked me if he could first). Jake and I went out on Tuesday and talked about it a bunch, and he kept apologizing for letting me down.
I told it was probably mutual and I didn't act like I wanted to spend time with them - but he told me he was my big brother and should've been better. We've all agreed to do better going forward. kinda funny that it was a drunk guy yelling at me which got me to open up in the end.
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
It honestly pleases me greatly that this kid got a chance at reconnecting with his brothers. I'm happy for him.
Thank you for taking the time to update. I’ve been wondering how everything went. I’m really glad you enjoyed the racing and, also, that your brothers will try to include you more. Cheers, mate!
the races were so cool to see in person, my driver almost won on Sunday too!
I've noticed that a great way for family to mend an issue is coming together because of an outsider. I think it takes a "them" to bring out the sense of "us".
I've never had a stranger shout at me in public like that before. I'm glad he walked away after Max said that because I'm pretty sure Max was serious about there being a problem if he shouted at me again