'AITA for telling my husband I don’t want his mom in the delivery room?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my husband I don’t want his mom in the delivery room?"
I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our first child, and things are starting to get tense with my MIL. She’s been all over the place, saying it’s tradition for her to be there during the birth like she was for her other grandkids. She’s even started assuming she’ll be in the room with us when the time comes.
I’ve always planned for it to just be me and my husband. I want the moment to be calm and private. I told my husband this, and at first, he was supportive. But now, his mom’s been pressuring him, saying it’s her grandchild too and she helped bring him into the world.
Last week, she showed up with a hospital bag for herself, ready to go. I told her nicely that I didn’t want anyone else in the room except my husband. She got upset and cried, saying I was taking away a special moment for her.
Now, my husband’s in the middle. He gets where I’m coming from but feels guilty about upsetting his mom. He even asked if I’d let her stay for early labor, but I said no. I need the space, and I don’t want to worry about her emotions while I’m in labor.
She’s been talking behind my back to the family, calling me controlling. My husband thinks I should reconsider for the sake of their relationship, but I feel like I have to set boundaries. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your husband needs to remove himself from "the middle" and be firmly on your side for this. He's as much(if not more)of the problem for even entertaining her tantrum when you've expressly stated your wishes for when the time comes
Child birth is stressful enough without having the added burden of someone else trying to get in on YOUR TIME.
Firmly on your side for everything not just this.
NTA. Your delivery, your baby, your choice. I would - to be safe - make the hospital aware of who you want in the room with you. If she does turn up (I assume she will) they’ll refuse her entry, and you won’t have to deal with having to kick her out, or have any stressful interaction during labour.
Her comment of helping bring your grandchild into the world, is wild! Sharing DNA and being physically involved in your grandchild being conceived are two VASTLY different things.
Tell your lousy, cowardly doormat of a husband that if he keeps pestering you about how mommy should be there, he won’t be in the room either.
Childbirth is not a spectator sport and the only view that matters is that if the person undergoing a messy, scary medical procedure. That’s you. Everyone else can fuck off, including your husband. Better to give birth alone than with people who will stress you out. NTA, but MIL and AH Husband sure are.
12 days later OP came back with this update:
It’s been 12 days since I posted, and things have been… a lot. After reading all the advice and taking some time to think, I sat down with my husband again to talk everything through. I explained how much I need him to prioritize us right now and how important it is for me to feel safe and comfortable during labor.
Thankfully, he seemed to understand more this time and agreed that his mom’s feelings shouldn’t come before mine in this situation.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
The fact that this is such a common issue BLOWS my mind.. I don’t have kids but have friends that do and a lot of them experienced this.
My sil wanted to go in. Like wtf is wrong with you. I dont want anyone to see me like that much less sil. Wtf
I had to fight not to have my MIL in there taking the glory .
the fact that he had to come around means that you need to be on top of this, his mum might still try and work him. I'd ask her why she thinks emotional blackmail (like the telling of the relatives) was going to make you change your mind?