'AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's birthday dinner?' 'I only had one glass of wine.'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's birthday dinner?"
So it was my girlfriend's birthday last week and she decided to have a birthday dinner over the weekend and invited her friends and some family that lived nearby. It was a good time and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. At the end of the night it came time to pay the bill and everyone just started to pack up and leave.
I thought they forgot about the bill so I called them all back but my girlfriend said that I should let them go. So I stupidly thought she had saved up to pay the bill. But no, she expected me to pay it. She said that I easily make more than anyone there and I should just cover it as a birthday gift.
She said this like it was a small bill. The bill (translating to USD) was $550. Obviously a lot of money. This is so much money most of the cost was alcohol which I had one glass of wine because I still had to drive. So I said no, paid for my share and my girlfriend, and the tip and left.
That really soured my mood. When we got back to my place my girlfriend was a bit tipsy and wanted to stay up, but I just said I was tired and went to bed. I avoided her on Sunday and I woke up early before her to go to the office today and have just been ignoring her messages.
Some of our friends are saying I shouldn't be mad because it's not even that much for me because I make a six figure salary. I still don't think it was fair to spring that on me though. The thing is, I wouldn't have had a problem had she just asked.
But the fact that she made it a surprise just irked me. I'm thinking that perhaps I'm too caught up on the principle of the issue rather than the actions themselves. EDIT: I didn't let the other guests leave before paying.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ok-Horror-1049 said:
NTA. I wish I could tell EVERYONE IN THE WORLD- before a group dinner, make sure you know what the plans are for the check! Your GF was the AH for not discussing this with you prior and just expecting you to go along.
You need to stop avoiding her, sit down, and discuss your boundaries (whatever they may be) in regard to her expectations towards YOUR finances and how/ if/ when she is allowed to avail herself of them (especially w/o your prior consent).
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 said:
NTA. A low six figure salary isn't that much in this day and age, and $550 for a dinner is a ton of money, no matter how much you make. It sounds like you need to find yourself a set of friends who don't view you as a gold mine just because you happen to have a good job.
If they want to live paycheck to paycheck, that's on them. You shouldn't be blowing all your money on your girlfriend, her family, and your friends. You should be saving up for a house for the sake of your future family, which may or may not include this girl. Based on this latest interaction, I advise you to go with the "not" option.
TrainingDearest said:
NTA. Your income has nothing to do with it. Your girlfriend was an AH for not discussing this with you at all. She was the host, she made the plan and she invited the guests.
It even seems like she communicated to them that they were not expected to pay anything...yet at NO point did she communicate any of this with you. This is a red flag, and if this is indicative of her true character, then it's a relationship-ender.
mousepallace said:
NTA. It’s not that you wouldn’t have been generous, just that she was completely taking you for granted. You had every right to be upset. Presumably she told all her guests that you’d be paying before hand. It’s easy to be flash with other people’s money.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...That's too much money to not have a prior conversation. If your girlfriend isn't apologetic about this, then you know what kind of person she is.
Endora529 said:
NTA. Your GF treats you like a wallet. If was brought up that if you invited people, you paid. These people weren’t your guests. They were here guests. She should have paid or let them know ahead of time that they had to pick up their own tab.
LostInNothingBox said:
NTA. Not you know what your future looks like.
ChickenScratchCoffee said:
NTA. She isn’t entitled to your money just because you make more.